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very strange situation - swingers?
trekgirl
Posts: 19 Forumite
This is quite a long story so settle in :-) I know it sounds like a bad soap opera at times and that is partly why I really would appreciate your opinions & advice.
At primary school I had my first 'boyfriend' let's call him Bob - it was all very exciting and we held hands once! Anyway we remained in touch, he asked me to his 'prom' but I was not able to go.
Another friend I met when I was 12, lets call her Betty. Friends from the first day of school etc etc. (all girls school so Bob went to a different school)
After school Bob and Betty became a couple. anyway for Uni we all went our separate ways but kept in touch via email phone etc. Bob and Betty have a long distance relationship.
In my early 20s I found myself pregnant and in a bad relationship. Betty was very supportive. Eventually I left him and moved in with (very conservative) relations. Out of the blue Bob comes to visit me at my house in Manchester having driven up from London. Betty was not with him. I was quite surprised and I found it all a bit odd. He said he knew I had been having a hard time and he wanted to take me out to cheer me up. He took me to a posh restaurant I would never have been able to afford and ordered oysters etc. Betty knew about the visit and phoned during the dinner to ask if we were having a nice time.
He dropped me off home.
a few months later Betty then informs me that she and Bob had secretly been married for two years! they only told their parents and two friends as witnesses. I do not really know why they kept it secret. Anyway they continued to live apart because 'they needed their space' so maintained two separate flats but spent a good deal of it together.
Every now and then Bob would email me and say things like 'I wrote a song for you' or I had a dream about you. I would tell him that I did not think that was appropriate - you are a married man. He would respond with something like 'I have love for all mankind and am just expressing my love'. Okaaay.
Foolishly I got back with my abusive ex and a year or so later I got a job in Paris on a 6 month contract ( my daughter stayed in England with her nan) It was an excellent career opportunity and for a limited time and I would fly home every other weekend. I rented a room in a house (I was a lodger) and had a lovely time. I went out one night and spent the night with a friend. Early in the morning one Saturday I get a phonecall from Bob - are you at home this morning? I sent a very important package for you by DHL and you need to collect it! I responded by saying, I will just get it from the depot on Monday because I am having a lie in and am not even at home. Bob insists that I HAVE to go back and the delivery driver will be there at 11am. I grudgingly agree. When I get to the door it is BOB standing there! in Paris.
He said he got a coach from Calais and that he knew I would be lonely in a strange city and wanted to pay me a visit. I was quite upset because my ex (who I was in a relationship with at the time) was very jealous and Bob knew this. If he ever found Bob had come to visit me from London it would be a serious argument. I felt however that I could not just slam the door in his face and I let him in. I later spoke to Betty and she said she could not come on the 'surprise visit' as her niece was being christened that weekend. He has always been a very tactile person and he kept trying to hug me or hold my hand, but I told him I was not comfortable with that. His response was that 'you have to learn how to love and let people into your heart, not set up walls and barriers'.
Bob said 'can you take me to the local supermarket' so we went on my bike (with me sitting at the back) and he bought some ingredients and he said he would cook me a meal. He is a five star chef and he cooked me one of the best meals I had ever eaten. It was starting to get dark and I told him that he could not stay here as it was not my house. He went off in a huff.
A few months later back in England a mutual friend was having a big bash for her thirtieth. I asked betty if she would be in her Bedsit that weekend and if so we could go together and I would crash there. She assured me it would be fine and I confirmed the day before that Bob is staying at his place that week (Bob shares a house with his mother and sister who I have known since I was little) We have a great night out (but are both sober) we get to her flat and who is there - Bob. He has filled the whole bedsit with candles. He came with a bowl of water and said he wanted to wash our feet like what Jesus did. I was gobsmacked and just went along with it. Then he had prepared a lovely meal and we all ate it.
By then it was about 11 and I was like - 'I need to sleep now - since Bob is here can I just have a duvet & I will crash on the floor. Betty's answer; there is only one duvet, you can sleep in the bed. I did not have many options, it was 11 pm in a strange city and I could not really afford a hotel. If I had known he would be there I would have made other arrangements but it was too late for me to just turn up on someone else's doorstep in the middle of the night.
I said I would sleep head to feet.
I can't remember what was said but we all ended up sleeping in that bed. There was no funny business at all but it was very akward. In the morning I had to go and catch a train back. We all had breakfast together, and they hugged me goodbye. Bob pressed close against me and I could feel....
A few weeks later Bob emailed me saying we were both 'souls in harmony' I emailed back and told him if he didn't stop such emails I would forward them to Betty. I later phoned Betty and told her I found their behaviour odd and didn't know what to make of it. None of us have been in touch since and that has been over a year. She talked of being a bridesmaid at my wedding but has not been in touch and has shown no interest. What would you make of it all?
At primary school I had my first 'boyfriend' let's call him Bob - it was all very exciting and we held hands once! Anyway we remained in touch, he asked me to his 'prom' but I was not able to go.
Another friend I met when I was 12, lets call her Betty. Friends from the first day of school etc etc. (all girls school so Bob went to a different school)
After school Bob and Betty became a couple. anyway for Uni we all went our separate ways but kept in touch via email phone etc. Bob and Betty have a long distance relationship.
In my early 20s I found myself pregnant and in a bad relationship. Betty was very supportive. Eventually I left him and moved in with (very conservative) relations. Out of the blue Bob comes to visit me at my house in Manchester having driven up from London. Betty was not with him. I was quite surprised and I found it all a bit odd. He said he knew I had been having a hard time and he wanted to take me out to cheer me up. He took me to a posh restaurant I would never have been able to afford and ordered oysters etc. Betty knew about the visit and phoned during the dinner to ask if we were having a nice time.
He dropped me off home.
a few months later Betty then informs me that she and Bob had secretly been married for two years! they only told their parents and two friends as witnesses. I do not really know why they kept it secret. Anyway they continued to live apart because 'they needed their space' so maintained two separate flats but spent a good deal of it together.
Every now and then Bob would email me and say things like 'I wrote a song for you' or I had a dream about you. I would tell him that I did not think that was appropriate - you are a married man. He would respond with something like 'I have love for all mankind and am just expressing my love'. Okaaay.
Foolishly I got back with my abusive ex and a year or so later I got a job in Paris on a 6 month contract ( my daughter stayed in England with her nan) It was an excellent career opportunity and for a limited time and I would fly home every other weekend. I rented a room in a house (I was a lodger) and had a lovely time. I went out one night and spent the night with a friend. Early in the morning one Saturday I get a phonecall from Bob - are you at home this morning? I sent a very important package for you by DHL and you need to collect it! I responded by saying, I will just get it from the depot on Monday because I am having a lie in and am not even at home. Bob insists that I HAVE to go back and the delivery driver will be there at 11am. I grudgingly agree. When I get to the door it is BOB standing there! in Paris.
He said he got a coach from Calais and that he knew I would be lonely in a strange city and wanted to pay me a visit. I was quite upset because my ex (who I was in a relationship with at the time) was very jealous and Bob knew this. If he ever found Bob had come to visit me from London it would be a serious argument. I felt however that I could not just slam the door in his face and I let him in. I later spoke to Betty and she said she could not come on the 'surprise visit' as her niece was being christened that weekend. He has always been a very tactile person and he kept trying to hug me or hold my hand, but I told him I was not comfortable with that. His response was that 'you have to learn how to love and let people into your heart, not set up walls and barriers'.
Bob said 'can you take me to the local supermarket' so we went on my bike (with me sitting at the back) and he bought some ingredients and he said he would cook me a meal. He is a five star chef and he cooked me one of the best meals I had ever eaten. It was starting to get dark and I told him that he could not stay here as it was not my house. He went off in a huff.
A few months later back in England a mutual friend was having a big bash for her thirtieth. I asked betty if she would be in her Bedsit that weekend and if so we could go together and I would crash there. She assured me it would be fine and I confirmed the day before that Bob is staying at his place that week (Bob shares a house with his mother and sister who I have known since I was little) We have a great night out (but are both sober) we get to her flat and who is there - Bob. He has filled the whole bedsit with candles. He came with a bowl of water and said he wanted to wash our feet like what Jesus did. I was gobsmacked and just went along with it. Then he had prepared a lovely meal and we all ate it.
By then it was about 11 and I was like - 'I need to sleep now - since Bob is here can I just have a duvet & I will crash on the floor. Betty's answer; there is only one duvet, you can sleep in the bed. I did not have many options, it was 11 pm in a strange city and I could not really afford a hotel. If I had known he would be there I would have made other arrangements but it was too late for me to just turn up on someone else's doorstep in the middle of the night.
I said I would sleep head to feet.
I can't remember what was said but we all ended up sleeping in that bed. There was no funny business at all but it was very akward. In the morning I had to go and catch a train back. We all had breakfast together, and they hugged me goodbye. Bob pressed close against me and I could feel....
A few weeks later Bob emailed me saying we were both 'souls in harmony' I emailed back and told him if he didn't stop such emails I would forward them to Betty. I later phoned Betty and told her I found their behaviour odd and didn't know what to make of it. None of us have been in touch since and that has been over a year. She talked of being a bridesmaid at my wedding but has not been in touch and has shown no interest. What would you make of it all?
0
Comments
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Can't people just summarise these long posts, we don't need your life story.0
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I think you are reading far to much into it all.Shut up woman get on my horse!!!0
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they seem like loving caring friends, so bob is in touch with his feminine side, enjoy thier friendship, ok so to you they don't seem to act like a married couple as they don't live together, but really just because to you they don't seem normal... these days what is.
Get in touch with betty and bob, and tell them both that you felt freaked out, but realise it is you and not them, and get back to having lovely friends0 -
Where does swinging come into it?Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear0
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peachyprice wrote: »Where does swinging come into it?
My thought too - I've done far worse with my old school mates and have never labelled it swinging!
Gone ... or have I?0 -
What was the question?0
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What does your husband to be think of the situation? You have not mentioned him at all in your post?
Gone ... or have I?0 -
Bob sounds like a creep, and Betty is wet for putting up with it. All the drippy-hippy talk about "souls in harmony", washing feet and writing songs is just him trying to dress up or justify his perving.
You should count yourself lucky that they've not been in touch :cool:0 -
Totally bemused as to where the swinging comes in. They sound like an odd pair of hippies, but not swingers.0
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They are not swinging - just sound like huuuuuge hippies. Free love, open relationships and all that. Probably a lot of weed involved.House saving Targets:
£17,700 / £20,0000
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