Concern about my son

p_joker

if its just her and she doesn't have a man in there with her I don't see a problem, if my 4 year old is poorly he will come in with me and his dad in our bed. My nephew used to sleep in with his mum and dad alot when he was little

louise3965

You sound a bit controlling. Theres nothing wrong with him sharing with his mum, and Im pretty sure that separation problems dont hinge just on sharing a bedroom. There are masses of issues so I dont understand why you are focussing on the sleeping arrangements.

leos-mummy

I can understand where you are coming from. I think its really important to have kids in a good bedtime routine and sharing a room with his mother isn't great. What will happen if the ex meets someone... its going to be a bit inappropriate to have a small child in the room.

merlin68

Jeez. My nanna had seven kids in a 3 bedroomed house and they all turned out ok. The council wouldn't count the 18 year old as needing accomodation, so she wouldn't get a 3 bedroomed house anyway.
OH's nanna had 15 in the same.

mummyroysof3

i dont understand why its such a problem for them to share a room, you mention seperation issues...do you mean that as well as sharing a bed that he doesnt want to be away from his mum or that she wont let him go anywhere without her?

Emmzi

Either kid is safe, or not, and this includes long term mentail wellbeing.

Call SS, explain your concern, tell them you are happy to have F/T custody, let them take a view.

If you are not prepared to take action
a) it can't be that bad or
b) not bad enough for you to be a f/t dad or
c) it isn't more traumatic than dealing with SS

No one has a magic wand with other ideas.

Call them and get it over with. Then you will know you have done everything you can.

peachyprice

You must consider that just sharing a room with his mother is not going to be the root cause of his separation anxiety, rather the relationship on the whole and the pysche of the child.

You were married to your ex when your step daughter was suffering, surely this wasn't because she was sharing a room with your wife while you slept elsewhere?

Simply changing sleeping arrangements is not going to be a wonder cure for your sons anxiety, if you really want to 'save' your child (for want of a better word) you need to focus on the situation as a whole and consider applying for full time residency.

inspirespirit

Person_one wrote: »

So an 18 year old has her former step dad lobbying to get her out of the house to make more room for her half brother? That sounds like a recipe for a happy family!

Its not ideal, but forcing any solution on the family unit from the outside is a bad idea, OP needs to offer support, not threaten.

If they are on a waiting list for council housing they would be allocated 3 bedrooms, but it may take a while for somewhere to become available, patience may be the answer rather than a custody battle.

With the government setting limits on the amount of LHA families can claim, this will probably happen a lot more, sadly.

The girl isn't working. She isn't at College. So quite frankly, she needs a good kick up the proverbial. If she was going to Uni she would be leaving home at 18, so personally I think it was a good idea to incentivise her to get work and become independant.
However, obviously this isn't an option as OP doesn't have the funds.
By the way, she would be entitled to a 3 bedroom house. I have 2 sons over the age of 18 and was given one. I even told them we would manage with a 2 bed but they said 'no' - it had to be a 3 bed because of the ages. (7 years difference between both sons).
I don't think there is a 'quick fix' answer to this. I think all the OP can do is monitor the situation closely and intervene by whatever means necessary if the boy becomes at risk.

heretolearn_2

Hi

I don't think there is any legal basis for not wanting a child to share with a parent just because of age.

On the basis of overcrowding - it becomes official overcrowding if a child over the age of 10 has to share with parents or the opposite sex sibling, so not an issue for a few years yet, and even then rooms other than bedrooms count as available sleeping rooms (even the kitchen believe it or not) so even then there won't be official overcrowding.

I do understand your concerns but if you were thinking there's some law against her sharing, there isn't.

polejunkie

I must be really thick but the idea I am getting from this is that the mum is co-sleeping with the child and you think its odd? Nearly all children have a stage of seperation anxiety at some point, co-sleeping or extended so-sleeping isnt exactly unusual either, I really cannot see what the problem is and it really riles me when people throw social services around because they dont agree with the way a child is being raised.

So what if the elder child had involvement, its not uncommon now when people are willing to ring them at the drop of a hat.