Concern about my son

sbcurran

Hi all

My wife and I seperated almost 2 years ago and she has now moved into another home which has 2 bedrooms. We both share custody (50/50) of our 5 year old son but she has a child from her first marriage (now 18, not at college or in work), who is in the other room.

My son has to sleep in his mother's bedroom which I feel is detremental to him. I have tried to reason with her to no avail so wondered what else I could do?! Are there any legal options open?

Thanks

milliemonster

On what basis do you think it is detrimental to him? have you actually discussed this with your ex?

sbcurran

I feel it's detrimental on the basis of seperation issues which my ex wife had with her first child. Not wanting to go into detail, it resulted in the intervention of social services. The same pattern is being followed, which I have discussed with her but she refuses to listen.

The experience with her first child was harrowing and don't want any of us to experience it again.

CH27

My mind is taking me somewhere I don't want to go.

Have you thought of asking Social Services for their advice?

milliemonster

If you won't elaborate on these separation issues then how can we advise? from an outsiders point of view, families come in all shapes and sizes, I have a friend who has 5 kids and 3 of them sleep in the same room as her and her partner!, not for me but they have a small house, a large family and they are all happy, well fed, loved and clothed so who am I to judge? I certainly don't see how, on the face of it, sharing a room with your child is such an issue, millions of children the world over will live in this set up and still thrive.

Hobo17

Do you think she has the financial means to get a bigger place? I'm not sure which is more appropriate, having the younger and older child share or having her share with your son. Is there any chance of the older child leaving any time soon?

LittleMissMPB

If you are that worried, would it not be wise to contact social services again and see what they have to say? It may be that they can help before it becomes too much of an issue (as you seem to think it will).

Is there no way she can find a 3 bedroom house? I can't see an 18yr old willingly sharing a bedroom with a 5yr old, even if they are the same sex, and from the outside, it looks like the mother has made a comprimise where she doesn't mind sharing her room to keep some peace? However, you don't say what size house she moved from if you think she did this on purpose? Was it previously a bigger house? Could it just be that she can't afford a 3 bed house at the moment?

If you really are that concerned then you have the option of trying to get full custody, but I'm all for 50/50 so long as there is no reason either parent shouldn't have that sort of responsibility.

inspirespirit

Where else do you suggest she puts him? Hopefully she will be on a rehoming list for a 3 bed home but in the meantime it won't hurt the child to be in a room with his mum. As milliemonster mentioned, in some Countries it happens all the time and is considered normal.

Jinx

My best friend had her son share with her until he was about 9!! Not that he didnt have a bed, he did but after her divorce he just got in the habit of sharing with her.

Unless you are suggesting something abusive, I don't see how it could be detrimental.

Errata

The solution isn't rockert science, tell her to sleep on the sofa if you don't like the sleeping arrangements.

Kimberley82

He is 5 not 15 so with out more info I cant really see what the problem is