Im thoroughly fed up with my family

Js_Other_Half

My mother died very suddenly in an accident about 5 years ago - she was 59.

I found her difficult (impossible!) to live with, but I did love her. I instigated contact regularly on my terms - usually phoning 15 mins before her favourite soaps, so I'd have an excuse to get off the phone...lol.

I was very glad when she died that I knew the last thing I would have said to her was ' love you, bye for now' (or variations on the theme).
Don't be blackmailed into seeing your mother if you don't wish to, but equally you may feel better for sending her the occasional letter?

Good luck with it all - it's difficult being the eldest!

Knelley

Families!!!! Who would have them???;)

Seriously, I am in the same situation:) If you feel it is too much bother to have them in your life then don't. Sometimes things they do and things they say can be too much. I am not being harsh here but just because they are family does not mean that they can do or say what they wish and get away with it. We wouldn't let strangers treat us the way that families feel they can and these are meant to be the people that love you!

James, if life is easier for you not to have them part of your life and you feel no guilt then carry on huns. I have had this discussion with a family member over another family member. Just because they are family does not mean that you need to accept what and how they do things. You are entitled to let them know if and when you feel they are doing something wrong without you being cut out of their lives. What is it with families that have had words and then don't speak for like 20 years??? Life is too short. Say what is peeing you off, deal with it, forget it and be grateful that you have family at all!

I hope you get it sorted out huns:):):)

Hugs
Cazza

southernscouser

You moany old tart! Come and give SS a big kiss! :kisses3:

Mate. Life is to short. This means 2 things. Firstly don't be dragged into the crap. But don't cut your family off either. You'd regret it if something happend (touch wood).

I know easier said than done but I'm just the ideas man!

sheryldoc

Well they do say you can choose yer friends but not your family..

Jst bcoz you dnt quite like sumone at that partic moment in time doesnt mean u dont love them.. take a time out.. let them do what they have to do.. n then phone when YOU feel better about it all..

maryotuam

I think the suggestion of writing a letter to each of them, explaining the impact their falling out had on you, would be a good idea. Do throw a little bit in about how you love them dearly and that you look forward to seeing them both again when they have sorted out their differences.

That way they should get the picture and understand that you have not fallen out with them. Unfortunately people feel obliged to do the family thing at Christmas time. Maybe tell them you look forward to seeing them early in the new year.

Do keep the channels open....... Families!!! Love them/Hate them but you will miss them when they are gone.

Give yourself a bit of pampering over Xmas. Have a positive one whatever you decide to do.:beer:

kellywelly_2

Hi, just read this and feel for you,, I actually have very similar goings on's in my family, sisters and sisterinlaws always playing the mines bigger than yours game and, I must admit, sometimes I enjoy the competition, but it can cause problems and fights, I have learnt to just play when I want to and sit back and watch the scrapping when I don't, I never take sides and never give opinions, I get by quite well like this, though secretly sometimes I wish I could put them in all in the gunge tank that Noel Edmunds used to have in crinkly bottom, that would be sweet!

dlb

Bigs hugs to you, i am in a similar position and have been for over 6 years!!

I havent spoken to my mum for 6 years my husband hasnt spoken to her for even longer than that. Again this was caused by her picking on my dad all the time and me standing up to her over it ( as my dad is to soft to do it).

I came to the same conclusion i am better off without her in my life the trouble and upset she caused and still trys to is awful.
It was very hard but my life is so much easier without her, the only bad side if that she stopped my dad seeing me and the kids and he did as he was told as he is scared of her and always has been.

This upsets me deeply but if dad wants to come here he knows he can, but he doesnt, my sister has resently hand enough too, she has tried to put up with it but she too broke all contact with them at the begining of the year and she now feels a 100% better.

We both changed our phone no and both moved house, my mum managed to get our new addresses and from time to time sends us awful emails/letters blaiming us for this situation.
We have learnt to read them, laugh about it and bin them.

What matters is that you are happy and your parents should be old enough to deal with this thereselves.

Good luck it is hard but do whats right for you.

Knelley

southernscouser wrote:

You moany old tart! Come and give SS a big kiss! :kisses3:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Can you tell that I am at the same stage as James???? There comes a point where you can't be bothered with it anymore and think 'stuff the lot of you'! When you feel as though you are fighting a losing battle sometimes it is better to admit defeat and back off into your own wee corner:p

Reading some peoples comments on here about losing their loved ones:( makes you sit back and think about this. But sometimes the other party just doesn't want to compromise and is prepared to blame you no matter what. What do you do then?

It is a hard one and thank god for friends is all I can say:T :j

dlb

Friends are my new found family.

They are the ones who listen and dont judge you.

victory

No family is perfect I suppose my mother has been and is a cantankerous(spell it?!) grumpy, sulky old lady that has to be right at all times, spent 6 yrs not talking, now email occasionally because everyone keeps telling me what if she dies?
Other people have said to me I CANNOT take it to another generation- my mother is 1st gen, we are second and the kids are the 3rd gen of the family so up there the rows etc started to move onto me the 2nd and now it affects the third as we do not get to see her and vice versa plus she has fallen out with many of the family so they are also lost.
I am just polite now, can't be bothered to be anything else, so if and when something happens to my mum I can stand tall be the better person and say I did what I could and have no regrets and will be able to sleep at peace at night, all the arguments hwo is right and who said that etc all that can eat you up inside, life is too short, let it be !! xxx