Im thoroughly fed up with my family

Knelley

Good luck James:) I hope you get it all sorted out and can have a peaceful relationship with your family:):)

Hugs
Cazza

dlb

How did it go james???
Hope it turned out ok, if not you have huge support on here and many ears wishing to listen, you are not alone.
xxx

linlin_3

"As it is ive told her im not playing "pick the parent" with who im going to spend christmas with and i will not be put into that posistion. I just feel that i have no control over this situation and basically this christmas is totally ruined for me."

James - I have neither the time nor the energy to read all the posts on this thread, so I've no idea if I agree with the advice given or not. But my answer to the quote above is "tough"!! Have you considered that perhaps your mother might like to confide in you, but can't? Perhaps she could tell you things which would seriously hurt you - alienate you from your father? Whenever there is a marriage breakdown and are things so personal, so hurtful, even the children of the marriage can't be confided in. It could easily be that your mother feels she cannot fully confide in you that makes your understanding incomplete.

Where does this leave you? With both parents - lucky you - but with no obligation to carry messages, so don't! Split your Christmas between them, don't alienate either of them and don't keep score!

Knelley

linlin wrote:

"As it is ive told her im not playing "pick the parent" with who im going to spend christmas with and i will not be put into that posistion. I just feel that i have no control over this situation and basically this christmas is totally ruined for me."

James - I have neither the time nor the energy to read all the posts on this thread, so I've no idea if I agree with the advice given or not. But my answer to the quote above is "tough"!! Have you considered that perhaps your mother might like to confide in you, but can't? Perhaps she could tell you things which would seriously hurt you - alienate you from your father? Whenever there is a marriage breakdown and are things so personal, so hurtful, even the children of the marriage can't be confided in. It could easily be that your mother feels she cannot fully confide in you that makes your understanding incomplete.

Where does this leave you? With both parents - lucky you - but with no obligation to carry messages, so don't! Split your Christmas between them, don't alienate either of them and don't keep score!

I think you are being very judgemental in your statement! James has come on here to ask for advice and your answer is 'tough'!!! As a child that has been involved in family feuds, I think how you have reacted to this is very inconsiderate. Yes, there may be things that his mother does not want to let him know but it is HER responsability to speak to his father not his or any other sibling for that matter! As a parent, if there is something that has/is going on with the other parent then it is up to them to sort it out, NOT pass it down to their children.

Yes, he is lucky to still have both parents but speaking from experience just because you have both parents still living does not mean life is easier for you.

James240

hiya guys :hello:

Well it went ok yesterday, although in all honesty my dads name wasnt brought up at all :rolleyes: spoke civilly to my mum and was just talking about normal things.

Although she did ask me what i was doing for christmas and i said that im going to spend it by myself as i said i wasnt going to choose who to spend christmas with. She said i should speak to my dad to find out what he is doing.

Now in all honesty i doubt my father is doing anything, he might be working i have no idea though, i think im goingt o give my dad a call soon and seeif he wishes to go for a drink so i can give him his christmas present.

Im going to go to my mums again next weekend so i can drop there presents off and see them before christmas but i wont be spending christmas with them.

I think this is the easiest solution all round and stops me from feeling guilty for enjoying myself if i spent my time with either one of them


Thank you all for your support and your advice that u have all given


James

carbonel

James, I have read all the posts from your original one and there is only one thing that is clear. None of us can - or should - judge you, or what you decide to do. We can sympathise, empathise, condemn or condone, but the only one who can decide what to do is you.
I do think however that the very best thing about these forums is that you can talk out your problems and issues and be sure of getting a range of answers. Sometimes we don't actually need advice, we just need to talk over the problem. Then we can often see things more clearly and decide on the course of action to take, which I think is what has now happened for you.
I have learned painful lessons about letting others run your life for you - and just because they are family doesn't mean they have a right to do this. You do what you feel is right for you - but keep on posting when you need to talk it through.
Hope your Christmas is peaceful, all the best.:o

Gingham_Ribbon

Aw, petal. That sounds rough.

I think you sound like you're handling it all really well and managing to fit in everyone else AND give yourself a break too. If you want to spend Christmas day on your own to avoid hassles, that's fine. If you feel you've no option, reconsider. And if you do choose one of them to spend time with, don't let the other make you feel guilty for it.

I understand about family feuds. Fortunately, my mum and dad are sound but some of the rest of the family...:eek: Sometimes you have to look after yourself first and that's allowed!

Good luck and I hope you all have a good Christmas, however you spend it. :beer:

pickle

Hi James,

TBH it sounds like your father has put you in the position not your mother. Perhaps he should accept that your mother doesn't want to talk to him and not be asking you to be piggy in the middle. I think your mother is within her rights to do as she has done. She is separated from him. By not discussing it she is actually not engaging in the piggy in the middle game and therefore not putting you in a further dilemma. But now it sounds as if she has relented and now invited him to xmas to get you and her on talking terms again. Maybe you need to ask your father not to ask you to play the go-between. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't have all the facts, but it's a different perspective.