Im thoroughly fed up with my family

Knelley

Do you know it is actually refreshing to read others have similar problems! Here I thought that my family were the only disfunctional ones going:rotfl:

As a daughter and a mother I think it is harder to accept when it is the mother that is causing the problems. I have looked around me to see others have wonderful relationships with their mothers and you do start to think is it me? Am I a bad person?

It is not until I have had my children that I can now see that it is up to a mother to keep the family together NOT cause arguments and problems! A mother shouldn't be causing problems between siblings or father/ child relationships. A mother - apart from the odd emotional freak out;) - should be embracing her family and make them feel loved. It is sad that so many seem to lack this ability:(

And by the way I am certainly no Mother Theresa! I have loads of 'Freak Out' moments:eek: but making sure my family feel loved and important to me is my priority:)

elaine373

Turning_into_scrooge wrote:

Families are your worst nightmare as you can't pick them the same as your friends but one word of caution here. My mother died 5 years ago on the 4 January which will be 5 years ago, before she died she was a very bad Alzheimer patient in a secure wing in a hospital so i actually lost my mum 8 years ago total. Please make it up with your mum not a day goes by that i don't wish i could phone her and say are we going in town for a coffee because that is what we used to do with my sis in law and theres many times i wanted to phone just for a chat or cos i have a worry but shes not there anymore, oh i know shes around me as i have seen her and i do feel her but i can't phone her or go down to the house and go shopping with her. You still have your mum, don't leave it too late.

I couldnt agree more with the above. But if your family is driving you nuts then tell them all that as much as you love them you are not prepared to be dragged into their feud and if they want to talk about anything else then fine but not to ring if its about their ongoing disagreement. If they dont stick to this then maybe leave the phone on answering machine.if you dont have one maybe nows the time to get one ;)All the best.

aurora_borealis_2

Don't spend Christmas isolated from your family ... you'll feel even worse.

Like so many have said, life is short ... why not have one more try in the season of goodwill. Corny but true xxx

kathyd_2

I've been in a similar situation to you James. I won't go into detail, suffice to say you don't do to your child what my mum did to me - nothing sinister, just unbelievable.

Like your mum, mine always turned on the waterworks, not her fault, doesn't remember things the way they happened etc. My OH and I used to argue about the way she treated me, it dominated our conversations from morning 'til night until I decided it was best not to have contact with her. What a relief it was not seeing her. Because she no longer took up a huge chunk of our lives we were able to get on with things we wanted to do rather than waiting to be summoned for the next meal, the next lift to the supermarket etc. Always me she came to rather than my other 3 siblings. Still I could do no right.

I haven't actually spoke to my mum for almost 6 years. We pass each other in town or the supermarket like strangers. No birthday/Christmas cards. I know if anything happened to my mum I would survive, I've had to. If we had been close (we were many years ago) I'm sure I would miss her. She'll call when she needs me, when no-one else can be bothered with her and I suppose I will feel sorry for her and go running.

It can be quite difficult to get the balance right in relationships. Do what you feel comfortable with. Mum will call you when she needs you, I'm sure

Mics_chick

elaine373 wrote:

I couldnt agree more with the above. But if your family is driving you nuts then tell them all that as much as you love them you are not prepared to be dragged into their feud and if they want to talk about anything else then fine but not to ring if its about their ongoing disagreement. If they dont stick to this then maybe leave the phone on answering machine.if you dont have one maybe nows the time to get one ;)All the best.

James after reading all the post I think I agree with Elaine the most...

If I were you I would write a letter to both your parents and maybe your brother too to say that you do care about them - BUT you didn't want to get dragged into such a messy situation :mad: and that whatever you did you were only trying to help sort things out. But whatever you did it seemed to make things worse so you don't want to have anything else to do with it. Say that you still want to stay in touch but you don't want to hear any more about it. You will be happy to talk to them as long as they don't talk/moan about any other family member because if they do you will say goodbye and end the phone call.:D

I don't know what you or others think about this but I think it's best to stay in touch if you can even if on restricted terms than have regrets after they're dead... :think:

However if they continue to cause trouble for you after this then I would say bye-bye. If they were a partner or friend behaving like this then you would dump them and have nothing more to do with them so why should family be able to make you miserable!

southernscouser

Knelley wrote:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

You may laugh but Jamesy holds a special place in my heart. He is my biatch and I wouldn't swap him for the world!

Bendybops19

southernscouser wrote:

You may laugh but Jamesy holds a special place in my heart. He is my biatch and I wouldn't swap him for the world!

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:the worrying thing is, that is true! :rotfl:

Jamesy hun...:kisses3: you do what is right for you, but i dont want you to have any regrets in the future over what you decide to do...

Why not write a letter to all your family members saying that you love them dearly, but the way things have been lately you feel that cant cope. Tell them that you need things to change.

xxxxxx

carbonel

Have read all the posts and am soooooo glad to know it's not just me. I always thought I had a good relationship with both my kids - son 27, daughter 30 - but have now been rejected by both of them. Attempts at contact will be no good and will just disappear into the ether.
Also, in both cases - having polled other family members and friends - I have done nothing wrong to have brought this on, and so don't have to feel guilt.
If they want to contact me they can, and I would welcome them both, but in the meantime I just have to live with it. Hurts though.
All of you in similar situations - good luck. It's so true that you can't choose your family!

James240

well im off down to my mums tommorow guys so wish me luck .........

dlb

Good luck today James240, im sure everything will be fine, just rembember to do and say what you belive to be best for you.
Donna
x