Im thoroughly fed up with my family

James240

Im at the end of my tether with my family i really am :mad:


I havent spoken to my mum in 6 months due to an argument over my dad, they have split up over 7 years ago and were friends up until recently.

Yes they had there arguments after they had split up but everything had been going fine, then my mum moved down to the coast and then her and my dad had an argument and then she declared that she was changing her number and then ordered myself and my brothers not to give it to my dad.

This !!!!ed me off no end because i knew what would happen as im the eldest i started getting all the phone calls of why has ur mum changed her number and not told me, etc, etc.

I then phoned my mum asking what was going on and she siad that she had an argument with my dad and didnt want anycontact with him again and that she had told him this.

I kept getting more phone calls in the next few weeks from my dad, and at this point i was beging to lose my rag over this due to the fact my mum didnt want to deal with him and i was left holding the can because she didnt want to speak to him.

In the end i went down to her new house on the coast to speak to her about this, when i got there i got the childish response that she didnt want to talk about and then walked away, i went to speak to her and again i got a childish response saying she didnt want to talk about it.

Then she said she was going shopping and as i was here would i do work in the garden for her and went out. I totally lost my rag and left her a note saying if she didnt want to discuss my dad then i really didnt see any point in me beiing at the house. That was 6 months ago.....

Then this friday i get a call from my brother asking me why i havent spoken to my mum, he knows what has happened and as i pointed out to him at the time i was getting all the questions and i was happy with the way my mother had dealt with this situation nor with the way i got treated when i arrived at her house to discuss my dad previously.

Then i got another phone call from my brother saying he had managed to persuade my mum to let my dad come down for christmas to the house (whats the point ???? there will be such an attitude in the house it will basically destroy the day ) ive then had an argument with my brother and then he hung up.

So i then rung my mother and it was being turned round on my self that why havent i called for 6 months, i dont know other stuff that has gone on etc, etc. i then had a go back at her and then she burst into tears on the phone (no i do not feel good for doing that, but im so !!!!ed off at the whole situation and its been thrown at me and she has basically decided to have nothing to do with it)

Ive said that im going to go down and see her this weekend but shes had told me not to go down if im going to end up having an argument with her........

I just feel so pent up with anger over this whole situation that try as i might i will end up losing my temper over it and having an argument.

As it is ive told her im not playing "pick the parent" with who im going to spend christmas with and i will not be put into that posistion. I just feel that i have no control over this situation and basically this christmas is totally ruined for me.

Im going to spend Christmas by myself as i feel this is the only way in this situation...............

During these last 6 months i havent had any problems or worries about my family at all i havent had any of the !!!!!ing, i havent had any of the moans that my brother hasnt got a job nor anything else because i havent spoken to hardly any of them during this time and it was nice to not have these problems.

Was it wrong of me to feel like that? i just feel now that ive rung my mother that ive now got the whole world on my shoulders again.................im just so unhappy with the whole situation

Thank you for finding the time to read this


James

sheryldoc

Trust me ill take a swap if u like... mines are headcases!!

I learned that there was no point getting emotional about it.. as no1 listens anyways.. so now I jst let them get on with it..x

needaspirin

James,

It's not fair of your parents to use you in their battles. They may be having a rough time and try to score points off each other but should never involve their children.
I think that you should gather your thoughts before you see them, and have a private talk with them both. Firstly, let them know that you care for (love) them equally and that their bickering causes you great distress. Tell them that you will not choose sides and intend to remain impartial. Ask them not to fight when you are present.
Try to do all of this calmly and sincerely and see what happens.

Best wishes

pandas66

James, you do what rests best with you, if not having contact means your off the merry-go-round the that has to be the way it is.

I don't have much to do with my brother as I find his wife to hard to handle, she is allowed to have a hissy fit in my house as she's had a hard time. No get your manners out, but as she can't grow up I have chosen to ignore them! My choice on dealing with family that don't seem to be aware of other peoples discomfort.

Unless you can sit down ait your grieviances and then be able to sort it all out, it will go round in circles as it sounds like it is.
Try writing a letter, try to list what goes wrong when you try to talk about it. You can be very clear where you stand, very clear how it makes you feel and clear how you want it resolved to move on.
Then its up to her to read, digest, re read if needed but hopefully take in what you want her to hear. Instead of shouting, silence or you walking out again.
Best Wishes.......x

HugoSP

I have a similar issue between my sisters. One is constantly suspicious of the other's motives, and the other never knows what to say or do next to appease the situation - she [STRIKE]usually[/STRIKE] allways gets it wrong, fuelling the fire of suspicion.

I tried to get them talking when our mother died but it didn't work. Sister no 1 started quibbling about a handful of items that belonged to her, despite my efforts to get her to realise that the value of these items was very insignificant wrt the estate, and that her case was tenuous to say the least. In the end our dad laid down the law and arbitrated that she lose the arguement. Sister no 2 was delighted but now even more suspicious about sister number 1s motives in the future.

I just gave up trying to be the peacemaker. It's worse than the UN sometimes!

James, you can't sort out your parents' problems. They've got to be mature enough to sort them out. Your mum should be strong enought to realise that you and your brother have lives to lead as well. My mother used to try to drag me into her arguements with other family members. In the end I often refused to speak to her. With a bit of diplomacy she eventually got the message and it came to the point that I could tell her that I was far too busy with my own children arguing to worry about how my parents behaving like more children.

She derived a lot of self indulgence by wimpering over the phone. A good slap in the face comment was often enough to bring her to her senses.

James240

in all honesty ive practically given up on them, its just seems easier to have no family rather than have family, all they do is just fight and argue.... just really getting me down at the moment

ill take on board what everyone has said but im just totally fed up with all of them

James240

HugoSP wrote:

A good slap in the face comment was often enough to bring her to her senses.

this is the thing ive tried this but all she ends up doing is crying down the phone like tonight.

Just feel so drained by the whole thing in all honesty, ive been fine for the past 6 months with out any problems apart from my debt but now ive got back in contact with them, it seems to have escalated once again

nearlyrich

Aw poor you feeling like piggy in the middle, as others have said you are not responsible for sorting out their issues. Now they will all get together at Christmas and it will look like you are being awkward if you don't go and by the end of Christmas it will all be your fault!

You are entitled to spend christmas how you like and with whom you like, don't lose contact with your family lightly but if they do your head in make the choice that suits you.

Red_Fraggle_3

You have made me think about my DD (12 years) - her dad texted the other day after being his usual idiot self at ask about collecting for Christmas day and if she could stay unitl the 28th - basically menas everyone has a go at me as she's not here - I suggested she decided when she goes and and for how long that way no one including him can say it's my fault - now I feel like I have copped out :-(

Turning_into_scrooge

Families are your worst nightmare as you can't pick them the same as your friends but one word of caution here. My mother died 5 years ago on the 4 January which will be 5 years ago, before she died she was a very bad Alzheimer patient in a secure wing in a hospital so i actually lost my mum 8 years ago total. Please make it up with your mum not a day goes by that i don't wish i could phone her and say are we going in town for a coffee because that is what we used to do with my sis in law and theres many times i wanted to phone just for a chat or cos i have a worry but shes not there anymore, oh i know shes around me as i have seen her and i do feel her but i can't phone her or go down to the house and go shopping with her. You still have your mum, don't leave it too late.

lizzie12_2

Hi James

Sorry to heat the spot of bother you are in at the moment.

I know our folk annoy us to the hilt sometimes - we have all been there.

Just a thought - life is too short to fall out. You are far enough away perhaps to not get drawn into their tiffs. You only have one mum and dad. What/ how would you feel if anything happened and the last words were in a fall out???

I am not saying make up for those reasons but trying to make the peace.
They are probably just as hurt and upset at not having heard from you for six months.
Hope you get sorted out soon. Take care and keep smiling......