step daughter troubles

**confuzzled**

Sounds like you need to encourage Mum to sit her down and have 'the sex talk', if you don't want to tell her what you found then suggest it needs to be done as SD is in a long-term relationship and it's almost inevitable. Unless it's already been done, in which case it's time for a follow up and maybe mum suggesting forms of contraception, try and encourage mum to approach it in a more matter-of-fact kind of way rather than let emotions pour out, thats when I imagine it gets heated.
Or depending how close your relationship is...maybe you could do the talk?????

I'm lucky I come from an open(sometimes too open:o) family so sex is something regularly discussed and its always been approached in a slightly humourous or matter of fact way(much to my grandparents disgust:p), I know I can(and have) approach either of my parents about anything without any comment being made(mum must've had a very sore tongue when we were growing up:rotfl:) and although I only told 1 of them something in confidence, I knew the other would hear about it later, my parents don't 'do' secrets:)

Jinx

Kittendreich wrote: »

Just because there is some evidence of contraception doesn't mean it is being used properly (particularily as she is hiding it - she may have just borrow a few pills from a friend as she was too scared of being found out by going to the docs...?). It is a huge risk and without a proper discussion about what she is doing then she is at risk of STDs, pregnancy and emotional turmoil.

If she thinks she is grown up enough to do it....she is old enough to have a grown up conversation about it. I'd tell your wife what you found and encourage her to have a calm conversation with her followed by a trip to the GP to get long lasting contraception (injection / implant) sorted along with a large bag of condoms. Once the physical risks are minimised, then having an open dialogue about it is the only way to deal with the emotional issues that may arise (they might not - she might be fine). Addressing the physical risks doesn't mean you condon her behaviour, but prevents problems while you support her to consider whether it is something she should be doing at her age.

Perhaps she has had a grown up conversation with a Doctor, other healthcare professional and definitely the boyfriend. Just because this girl is 14 does not mean she wants/needs to discuss her sex life with her parents and especially not her step-dad....

My daughter and I had numerous chats about love, life the pursuit of happiness including contraception, relationships etc. However I did not expect to be informed when she had sex, we are all entitled to privacy. And the thought of speaking to MY stepdad about sex horrifies me and Im a tad over the age of consent lol

As a once-teenager myself, I would say IMO that once you start having sex, becoming celibate again is not really something you would do regardless of what the parents want....:p

diable

Having not read through the whole post I would bring it up with your SD privately and explain to her that you are in a difficult position of trust and it would be better for her to tell her Mum before it all comes out.

lostinrates

Jinx wrote: »

Perhaps she has had a grown up conversation with a Doctor, other healthcare professional and definitely the boyfriend. Just because this girl is 14 does not mean she wants/needs to discuss her sex life with her parents and especially not her step-dad....

My daughter and I had numerous chats about love, life the pursuit of happiness including contraception, relationships etc. However I did not expect to be informed when she had sex, we are all entitled to privacy. And the thought of speaking to MY stepdad about sex horrifies me and Im a tad over the age of consent lol

Whereas I feel its a normal and heathly thing to discuss (with boundaries for privacy and of course not with everyone and anyone) if you are mature enough to be having sex. If not, and as an underage person perhaps this could be where a concern rests for a parent or guardian...I don't know because I'm not a parent!

As a once-teenager myself, I would say IMO that once you start having sex, becoming celibate again is not really something you would do regardless of what the parents want....:p

Many people do have periods of celibacy through their lives after becoming sexually active, usually inbetween relationships. I know a couple of people who have temporarily been celibate in relationships while other issues were ironed out, I remember talking in depth with the first friend I became aware of taking this choice because, frankly, the concept was alien to me, but she explained her pov and feelings and I was more informed the second time someone raised tis with me. Celibacy can be through choice, and sex, while its certainly wonderful, is not always ''vital''. Now, I'm sure its not a choice most 14 yo in sexually active relationships would make, but i thought it balanced to point out it was an option that exists.