step daughter troubles

Elle7

make_me_wise wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek: Oh no, I am turning into my mother, god forbid. Cant believe the following is going to come out of my thoughts.

Maybe I am a complete prude. Is it really only me though that thinks, just because a 14 year old is using contraception they are not being sensible by being sexually active.

I know people mature at different rates but 14 just seems so young. Im really interested in peoples views on this. Am pregnant myself just the right side of 40 and thought it would be years and years before hubby and I would be faced with this. Seems it comes much earlier than we had banked on.

I agree...and I'm only 20! But I do think that now shes started having sex she isn't likely to stop, so her being safe is the only 'good' outcome.

justjohn

Tell your wife. She may already know and not told you.

However rather than confronting your daughter, and if you are sure about the evidence how about having a sex talk with daughter and making an appointment with family doctor for the pill(thus giving her the option too inform you of what you suspect).
You know you can't stop her. And really there are not many options.

Gavin83

make_me_wise wrote: »

Maybe I am a complete prude. Is it really only me though that thinks, just because a 14 year old is using contraception they are not being sensible by being sexually active.

Why is a 14 year old having sex automatically not sensible?

paulsad

Elle7 wrote: »

I agree...and I'm only 20! But I do think that now shes started having sex she isn't likely to stop, so her being safe is the only 'good' outcome.

"It only takes a minute girl".... lets all get real girls !!!!!!.....

Kittendreich

Just because there is some evidence of contraception doesn't mean it is being used properly (particularily as she is hiding it - she may have just borrow a few pills from a friend as she was too scared of being found out by going to the docs...?). It is a huge risk and without a proper discussion about what she is doing then she is at risk of STDs, pregnancy and emotional turmoil.

If she thinks she is grown up enough to do it....she is old enough to have a grown up conversation about it. I'd tell your wife what you found and encourage her to have a calm conversation with her followed by a trip to the GP to get long lasting contraception (injection / implant) sorted along with a large bag of condoms. Once the physical risks are minimised, then having an open dialogue about it is the only way to deal with the emotional issues that may arise (they might not - she might be fine). Addressing the physical risks doesn't mean you condon her behaviour, but prevents problems while you support her to consider whether it is something she should be doing at her age.

lostinrates

next_step wrote: »

j


Well my worry is the damage to the household if my wife does confront her and goes about it the wrong way, and my SD does end up needing us for anything but ends up feeling she cant approach us

well, I think that's sensible of you, but I still think that her mother should be told.

Your concerns considered, could you suggest that your daughter tell her mother and brace herself OR arrange to have an authorised weekend overnight stay with a female friend (for her mother's sanity) to give her some space while you tell your wife an give your wife some time to ''think it through'' before your step daughter comes home again?

delain

Kittendreich wrote: »

I'd tell your wife what you found and encourage her to have a calm conversation with her followed by a trip to the GP to get long lasting contraception (injection / implant) sorted along with a large bag of condoms. Once the physical risks are minimised, then having an open dialogue about it is the only way to deal with the emotional issues that may arise (
.

Why would you inflict the implant or depo on a 14 year old :eek::eek:

The side effects on the implant (for me and many others) were absolutely horrific - that and depo (injection) are the same hormone!

Yes the OP's wife and her daughter need a chat - the daughter does not need dragging down the doctors to be filled with hormones, certainly not without the side effects sensibly explained to her.

Hopefully a right minded GP wouldn't give her either. If they are using condoms, they are fine. Or if you really want hormones, the pill and condoms.

King_Nothing

I'd talk to the SD first, and give her a chance to talk to her mother, but make it clear you're going to have to talk to her, if she doesn't, as you can't play ignorant.

Can't believe the number of people on here who'd go straight to the mother. That's one sure fire way to make you step child hate you, grassing them up to their birth parents.

Sambucus_Nigra

I haven't read all the replies but I would suggest that she is either a little dim by leaving evidence everywhere to be found, or she desperately wants her mum to know to perhaps talk about it or she'd be alot better at hiding her paraphernalia, wouldn't she?

cherry-pie_3

I can see this is really troubling you next-step and it must be a real worry.
Personally I think 14 is far too young to be having sex, I just don't think anyone is emotionally ready at that age to deal with everything that goes with an intimate relationship, e.g if she splits up with her boyfriend and the feelings/regrets she may have then - most young girls are hit much harder by this than young lads in my experience.
Also, she may not be using the contraception correctly or be aware of all the risks that go with having sex from such a young age.
The biggest worry I would have though is that if she does fall pregnant obviously it will be life changing. A baby at 14 is not ideal, however much it is loved, and an abortion is something that haunts most women for the rest of their lives...it's a horrible thing to go through for a grown woman let alone a young girl.
I'd encourage you to tell your wife your fears, and then you can deal with it together. I don't say that because you are her step father, I'd say the same if you were her biological father - I think it's something you both need to be aware of.