step daughter troubles

Welshdebtor

It's a hard one. You could "ignore" the evidence, in the knowledge she is being safe.

You could have a chat with your SD and make her aware you found what you did, and say you think she should tell her mum.

But that could backfire, if she does not tell her mum. Say her mum discovers evidence of her own and confronts her and your SD blurts out "well Bob knew" (* name made up seeing as I do not know yours lol).How is that going to make you look/feel?

You could just tell her mum as others have said.

Like I said it's a hard one

j.e.j.

just another thought, - there is a mine of information out there these days (web-sites, media, radio, publications etc) aimed at teenage kids re. sex and relationships, etc. I wonder if any of these organisations have info for the parents as well, in terms of dealing with situations like this?

LillythePink

I don't think that you should tell your wife what you have found. If your wife goes off it with SD, then she will probably then be on the defensive and lie - they are her friend's who asked her to dispose of them blah blah blah

It will come out that you found the evidence and told her mum.

I think that you should take your SD out and talk to her about it all and encourage her to talk to her mum - but say that while disappointed etc, you will support her and help your wife and SD deal with any fall out from the situation.

I know that if I found out that my OH knew my daughter was having sex at that age I wouldn't be happy either, but I would probably be more upset at knowing that she couldn't confide in me or let me help her etc.

Your SD needs to be the one to tell her - it won't be easy, but it probably needs to be done - maybe give her a deadline and say that if she doesn't tell her then you will as she deserves to know as you don't feel comfortable knowing what you know and keeping it from her.

scooby088

I would even think if the SD did confide in you it is your duty to tell your wife, think about it if SD came home and said she was pregnant and you said you knew for a while thats 2 of you in the dog house.

Errata

What on earth does your wife think they are up to in the bedroom, playing tiddlywinks? I bet your wife knows what's going on and is turning a blind eye.

Elle7

Yeah I'd be careful here too....While I can see that telling your wife is maybe the expected thing to do, you've said that really that isn't an option. Speaking to your SD is, but if she decides not to tell her mum, she might stop leaving 'evidence' all together - meaning she's no longer having safe sex.

I'd turn a blind eye here. I agree that if your wife allows them in the bedroom together, she is probably aware, and if your SD is being careful there is no reason to confirm this.

Jinx

If you really cannot tell you wife then I think you will have to feign ignorance. I don't think you should speak to your step-daughter as you will both be mortified and I just don't think its appropriate unless you are to all intents and purposes her dad.

What you could do is raise the issue in general - all the soaps have teenagers having sex, magazines feature it etc, you could start a conversation with your wife when you see something topical and mention that your step daughter and her boyfriend have been together a while and are very cosy...

Or you could just respect your step-daughters privacy having seen some things you were not meant to and be satisfied in the knowledge shes had professional advice (when she got the prescription) and trust she has/is being sensible in her decisions.

make_me_wise

:eek::eek::eek: Oh no, I am turning into my mother, god forbid. Cant believe the following is going to come out of my thoughts.

Maybe I am a complete prude. Is it really only me though that thinks, just because a 14 year old is using contraception they are not being sensible by being sexually active.

I know people mature at different rates but 14 just seems so young. Im really interested in peoples views on this. Am pregnant myself just the right side of 40 and thought it would be years and years before hubby and I would be faced with this. Seems it comes much earlier than we had banked on.

Jinx

Makemewise - I dont think you are a prude. And a 14 year old having sex is not the best thing to happen, I am sure we all agree on that. However, compare a 14 year old having sex and using contraception (pill and condoms as they are taught in school) versus a 14 year old not using protection. In this context where I have assumed she will have sex, shes on the more sensible decision making side...

whitewing

I think you should tell your wife. I don't think you should discuss it with SD.