Who should make first move?

Barneysmom

Why do you still want to control your daughter's behaviour?
Are you really going to fall out with her over a silly episode?

Plans_all_plans

Morganarla wrote: »

I agree with the majority here. It is absolutely NONE of your business.

How is it not her business? She's her mother and her daughter's behaviour could well have reflected badly on her. It entirely depends on how drunk she was though. If she was merry and acting daft that's an entirely different thing to falling over and spewing up over the wedding cake!!

I'd not be remotely impressed if she was falling down drunk either and I'd tell her so too.

Either way, I think you should make the first move. I wouldn't apologise for 'telling her off' but I wouldn't mention it again and move forward.

Sambucus_Nigra

Linley wrote: »

Hi I'm not sure what to do my DD is 30 we recently went to a family wedding and my DD got very drunk. I'm teetotal and whilst I don't mind others drinking I wasn't happy that she hardly knew what she was doing. The next day when I spoke to her expecting her to be a bit sheepish and embarrassed she said well it was a wedding people are supposed to enjoy themselves. I said that I wasn't impressed with her behaviour and basically we've not spoken since. Should I ring and say I over reacted just to make the first move even though I don't think that at all!! Am I being old fashioned?

It depends. Do you want to speak to her again?

You are the parent, so have had a hand in her upbringing and values....ergo perhaps she might have learnt something from you to cause her to get ratted and lose control of herself.

Do you wish to start the relationship again with a lie?

Do you really think that nobody in the world should ever get drunk - ever?

And what's old fashioned about it? People have been getting drunk since forever....

pigpen

You should... she isn't 8 any more, she is a grown woman.

My stepdad once tried something similar with me as he didn't like someone I was talking too... I think as an adult you have to accept she will do things you don't like and you will no doubt do things she doesn't like.. you cannot hold reins on her life and he has to accept responsibiity for the thing she does, though on this occasion it sounds like the only person who has an issue is you...

lighten up... ring your daughter and behave normally.. you've said your bit, it is in the past move on...

meritaten

er - your daughter is an adult - its not up to you to try to control her behaviour. or to pass judgement - she may well have decided to let her hair down on THIS occasion!

January20

I find it unbelievable that you would risk losing your daughter over something like that! And that you have to ask on a public forum what you should do!

You have made a choice not to drink alcohol and expect others to accept that. Don't expect everybody to be like you and have your values!

pinkshoes

Your daughter is an ADULT, and can drink and behave like that if she wishes.

I can't believe you're potentially ruining a mother daughter relationship just because she doesn't always behave as you'd like her to! And yes, weddings are for getting drunk at!

Stop being such a fuddy duddy!

make_me_wise

What has surprised me is that she is 30 and this appears to be the first time you have seen her drunk. I dont mean that in a flippant or nasty way.

My dad probably lost count how many times I staggered in drunk in my late teens/early 20s. Its a phase alot of us dip into and then stop. Part of growing up. A big deal wasn't made of it, except to poke fun when I was nursing a hangover from hell.

I will admit I was quite a party animal for a few years. But getting merry and bright was saved for nights out with a safe group of friends, taxis home, and then staying in getting over a hangover.

I would never have allowed myself to get trollied at a family wedding and make a fool of myself. It does make me wonder if maybe your daughter is depressed or is having problems she hasn't felt able to talk about. Could the significance and emotion of the day have triggered something that upset her?

If I were you I would make the first move and just phone for a friendly chat. Dont even mention the last conversation. Just check that she is okay.

scooby088

Celebrations like weddings are times you can let yourself go and enjoy yourself, i'm not saying getting hammered but even then i would tell my parents to get a grip. If i were you i'd say i over reacted which in my opinion you have done big style.

relic

Are you really asking whether you should talk to your daughter, because she got drunk?

Are you sure you're not a closet drinker?