Advice needed on Girlfriend - Please read...

Simon83

I'd appreciate it, if you would read this and give me your opinion...I understand it might come across worse that it may seem, but thats only cause you don't no me or her. But you will get the jist of things.....

I've been with my girlfriend for 5 months nearly, known her for 2 year's as we have the same friend's.

Now, one of these friend's (james) she has been texting alot, they have been mates for years and they have slept together awhile ago, i never really new she was texting him untill 3 weeks ago, when he kept texting her general messages like, what you up to etc etc.... She knew I wasn't happy with it, and as she doesn't really like or allow me to text other girls (dont blame her given my past) i said I don't want her texting other lads, especially james. she agreed and said she was happy we new where we both stand now.

So a weeks gone by and he's txt her a couple of times and she hasn't text back...fine no problems there. I woke up yesterday morning and had this feeling, and I just wanted to look at her phone. her phone was downstairs as the battery was dead the night before, so i said I'm off to charge ya phone. I went downstairs brought it up and she had a kind of nervous look on her face...i then switched it on and looked in her messages...she new what i was doing and then tried to snatch it off me. so that made me want to read them even more, so i went downstairs to go outside and read them....

these messages went back to around the 17th november, i started reading the ones from just james....they were more general than anything, talking about his new moror bike, and him asking her if she wants to go on the back of it sum time...she replied and he wrote back, "ye sure, what time you gonna simons" i cant read what she wrote cause her sent items were cleared. but she said that she never replied about going on the back of it, she wouldn't say that. and this was 5 minutes before she was to come to mine.

there were about 7 messages a day from him, another set on another day read "what you doing tonight then" she replied.. he then responded "tut, i bet we could think of better things to do" she never replied to that, so he sent it again.
she never replied.

There were some more, but she had text him first cause he had replied with "sorry couldn't txt you back left my phone at home etc"

Also, he sent her one messge with two kiss's in it... she said that that isn't her fault.

right, another set of txt's were on a friday, some of you may no, it was when i was decided if i should go town for a works du, and at the end i decided to go with work. so what she did was text james and find out if them lot were going out and were they will be going, she said she will be out with them, and he text "mint, see you soon then". she didn't end up going she went to town with her mate.

ok, on to the next set of text messages, but these were to her sister...

She had sent her sister a text and her sister then replied

"like who?, thought you were so in love, you couldn't be swept of your feet"

shelley replied and then her sister wrote

"i saw him the other day, but forgot to tell you, he was in the van with his boss"

shell replied again and ehr sister wrote

"swear2ya, was gonna ring you to tell you"

now i asked her about this, and it was one of her ex's, who is also my mate, but she said she just hates seeing her ex's, i said so why the hell does your sister have to announce it, she said that she didn't mean anything by what txt she sent her sister and that it was cause me and her had an arguement.


so we had a big bust up about it yesterday, she was very worried, insisted nothing is going on and that she is very thick to even txt james etc. and that im her life, and i mean everythign to her, she's never wanted so much from someone as she does me. etc etc.

we ended up sorting it out last night, and everything seemed to be ok, i cant help thinking that maybe i've been to easy to forgive...

i no nothing is going on in a cheating meaning, but in 5 months of a relationship, she shouldn't be really texting him lots of txt's like that, and texting her sister that shes seen her ex.

Half of the text didn't even make sense cause she had deleted some.

Do you think that i should say i want a couple of days to my self, and not see her tonight of 2morrow night.

I no the text's have stopped now, since we agreed over 2 weeks ago, but her sister still speaks with james and txt's her what hes doing...

She keeps saying it's not her fault what over people text etc, but i said it is, cause when james text thos messages with the kiss', the one where he said bet we could think of better things to do...she can txt him and say look james, i have a b/f, dont send me messages like that, same goes to her sister.


I'm sorry for the long read, but i really would like your advise on this. hope you can read it all....

lisa_75

I don't know how old you are, but your behaviour seems a little over the top for a grown man. I'd be pretty annoyed if my husband told me who I could text and what I could write.

She is not cheating on you and it is up to her who she texts. You should not be reading her texts anyway.

I think you have issues around trust. You either trust her or you don't. You sound very controlling and it is not good to get yourself would up like that.

You ay you have a "past". It is possible you are reflecting your own behaviour onto her and expecting everyone to be like you. We are not all animals and most of us in committed relationships can control ourselves around the opposite sex.

You need to learn to chill out or this behaviour will destroy this and all future relationships.

Idiophreak

I'm no love expert, but from the OP it doesn't look like there's a lot of trust either way in the relationship, so are you sure it's worth bothering with?

Sarahsaver

If you do not trust someone it is not a good basis for a relationship.

stas4949

come on everyone give him a break........

Simon

I've been in a similar situation where we both had hangups and trust issues due to past relationships. Girls and exes where still texting him and I had men still texting me, it meant nothing. Things are still fairly new with you guys so just give it a bit of time, I'm sure you probably have girls still texting you.
Look on the bright side she has been with James but she is with you now, thats the important thing. She also may like the idea that James still likes her and she can flirt a little, its harmless.

If she didn't want to be with you then she wouldn't. Enjoy what you have and be patient it will come good in the end.

Simon83

stas4949 wrote:

come on everyone give him a break........

Simon

I've been in a similar situation where we both had hangups and trust issues due to past relationships. Girls and exes where still texting him and I had men still texting me, it meant nothing. Things are still fairly new with you guys so just give it a bit of time, I'm sure you probably have girls still texting you.
Look on the bright side she has been with James but she is with you now, thats the important thing. She also may like the idea that James still likes her and she can flirt a little, its harmless.

If she didn't want to be with you then she wouldn't. Enjoy what you have and be patient it will come good in the end.

thanks alot, im glad at least one person can relate here...

thanks

stas4949

No worries you're more than welcome.

chriswuk_2

She's cheating on you mate !

Make it clear that it's him or you - If my misses was still texting an ex she'd slept with, I'd go mad !!!

If you find out she has been, sleeping with her best mate/sister/mum is always good for revenge.....

lisa_75

chriswuk wrote:

She's cheating on you mate !

Make it clear that it's him or you - If my misses was still texting an ex she'd slept with, I'd go mad !!!

If you find out she has been, sleeping with her best mate/sister/mum is always good for revenge.....

I pressed thanks by mistake.

Chris, please don't wind this guy up more than he already is.

chriswuk_2

It's plain obvious she's still texting the other guy & flirting with him in a big way. I'd be surprised if nothing hadn't have happened between them.

They both cannot keep on being secretive & not trusting eath other, so the only way forward is to have it out & lay some ground rules.

Relationships only work on trust, without that, they are worthless.......

dixie_dean_2

From your user name I'd guess you were 23. I used to be really jealous and paranoid, like it sounds you are. Thankfully I grew out of it I guess, around the age you are now. There are probably issues you need to address with her but the main one is both of you thinking like this(as it sounds like neither of you trust the other). It is THE most sure-fire way to ruin a relationship and it drives you mad as well. I can't really tell you how to resolve it as it just kinda happened to me. Jealousy is very, very normal, it's how you deal with it that counts. You need to tell yourself that you know it's stupid and not true and try to forget about it. I think certainly in younger people it is more common (obviously being a wise old man of 27 I can say things like this). And you need to talk to her, explain how you feel and get to the root of the issues.

Good luck.