Help me get this into perspective..

rachbc

ok heres some perspective

she's alive
she's healthy

anything else is a bonus - and it sounds like there are plenty of bonuses too.

pinkclouds

If she'd moved back home, it would just be putting off the inevitable. She'd have moved out of the family home sooner or later and you do want grandchildren, at some point, don't you?

I wish I lived nearer to my mom but Skype, text message and email are all fab and I appreciate it all the more when she does visit.

Pee

Thank you for sharing. My mum wishes I'd never moved out and I've always found that oppressive - she did tell me - but I really like the way you've described it and it's given me a different perspective.
If the job is at all connected to the pupillage, then she has to go for it. They are so hard to come by and even good people can miss out and end up with a totally different career at this important stage.
Having said that I went straight from Uni to work, and in lots of ways I am glad I did as I had some good opportunities, but my one regret is not spending some real time travelling when I had the change. That break would have been my chance. Now I can't see it happening until I retire, which is fine, but I don't know what health and motivation I'll have then.
I think £18k will be manageable for someone used to living as a student. I hope I'm wrong but I understand that the puppilage won't pay well or the next few years whilst she is establishing herself, but after that she'll be earning very good money.

lessonlearned

Of course you will miss her - I miss my DS1 like mad and he's nearly 27.

Congratulate yourself on a job well done, you've raised a clever successful child who clearly loves you as much as you love her.

Try to overcome your dislike of London and get a few visits in now and again. Could have been worse - my sister went to New Zealand. Almost broke my heart - thankfully she's back in the UK now.

Anyway, you never know once she's finished all her final training she might be able to get a really good post nearer to home.

My mother, a wise old bird, once said "your children are not yours to keep, you only get to borrow them for a while"

We doting mums have to let go - painful though. Once they fly the nest we just have to rebuild our lives.

Good luck.

Blue_Monkey

I know that my mum wept and wept and wept the whole way home from dropping me off at university when I was 18. 4 years later, after spending a year on exchange overseas and graduating at 22 I moved back in to my mum's and we squabbled for pretty much the 2.5 years before I then left to go travelling when I was 24. Moved back to mum's at 25 (squabbled some more) and then finally moved out for good at 26. I think we actually made each other's lives miserable when I moved back home in all honesty... She wanted her little girl and I wanted to be grown up - two headstrong women under the same roof was an interesting dynamic!

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you never know when your daughter might next be home with you and regardless of when that is, it's likely that you both would've changed somewhat during that time, so having her "home" might not be the same as it was. Hard as it is, at least you're ending that part of family life on a high rather than her moving back in and you driving each other potty.

I don't think you're selfish at all, and I totally echo everyone else's comments on how you should be proud you raised such a sensible, confident, intelligent young lady.

At the ripe old age of 31 I'm slowly beginning to undestand a bit more about how much mums love their kids. I'm 11 weeks pregnant with my first and living in Australia, far far from my parents in the UK. Hopefully we'll be moving back before I have the baby and I will live walking distance from friends and family.

Reading this has got me in tears (must be the pregnancy hormones!)....I think what set me off was thinking of the brave face my mum put on every time she had to wave me off somewhere, and I how I can see her getting weepy even when we hang up from Skype. A best friend of mine who is very stoical and not sentimental at all was in floods of tears at my leaving do (when we left to come to Oz) saying to my mum "I can't bear to see you say goodbye to her" - she was a new mum herself to her own little 3 month daughter.

Anyway, I'm really waffling now. I guess perhaps I'm trying to say that I can see this from the point of view of the Travelling Daughter and am beginning to empathise with the way a mum feels and I guess there is nothing to do but go have a bath (as you say), perhaps a glass of vino and go with the flow.

Best of luck xx

make_me_wise

Be really proud of your daughter OP for getting out there and landing a job. Considering the financial climate and the amount of competition at the moment she has done exceptionally well. Okay 18K is not a huge salary but she is employed and trying really hard, it can only be admired.

As other wise posters have mentioned already you can pick up really cheap flights so she may be home seeing you more often than you think. Or you could visit her. Lovely excuse for a shopping trip to London and spending some girly time together.

If life is ever not going exactly as I would like I remember something my nanna said to me 'Nothing in life is permanent'. Helps me get through difficult times and keep things in perspective

Artytarty

Still upset and wallowing in self imposed misery.
The job will help with pupillage, it is clearly going to be good for her and may even include a bit of travel.
I just feel so damned lonely. We are careful with money,my other two children have embarked on very long expensive courses and need helped out financially.Having said that , money is not so tight that i cant afford to fly to visit . We dont spend much on going out ( home birds),have a large and now empty house to run and My husband is very wrapped up in his work, but he did take the time to ring me this morning to see how I was as I didnt get up for breakfast with him this morning.
I'd love to see any them return , but she is the one that brings the sunshine into a room wherever she goes. I'm not worried about her salary. If she manages to get pupillage with a good set of chambers then the package can be rather good. If she doesn't get it this time round then this job will keep her going till she does.
I dont want to be "that Granny we hardly know who lives in Ireland"
Sorry to sound so negative , I do appreciate all the positive advice and heartwarming stories.
She is well, she is happy in her personal life, thats all FANTASTIC...

Mojisola

Artytarty wrote: »

Still upset and wallowing in self imposed misery.

Sorry to sound so negative , I do appreciate all the positive advice and heartwarming stories.

She is well, she is happy in her personal life, thats all FANTASTIC...

Don't be too hard on yourself. In a way, this is like grieving - for a stage of life that has finished. If you try to bury the feelings, it could take longer to get started on the next stage.

anotherginger

As some of the others have said, i think you need to realise that you have given her this opportunity and you should be pleased that she is taking every chance to get a step ahead in life.

Getting a job at the minute isn't easy, and certainly not easy to do in NI.

I'm an NI girl living/working in London - I don't care for the place either (crowded, dirty, smelly, unfriendly and less craic!) so i'm back and forward like a yoyo!

Nimeth

Like Mojisola said, don't be too hard on yourself. I wouldn't say you are wallowing, you are understandably upset as you'd got your hopes up and we've all done that at one time or another, got our hopes up only to be left feeling somewhat flattened. Give yourself some time to get adjusted.

When I first moved here it was pretty hard for me too, I missed my parents terribly. Visits were often ended with my mother crying in the airport and me crying all the way home on the plane, and it was a loooong plane ride:o. We solved that by changing our thinking and now when we part instead of saying goodbye we say "See you a very extended later!":rotfl:It works too.

That's not to say I don't still have my bad days, I do and I find the easiest way to deal with those is to have a good cry if I need it. It's better and healthier to let it out rather than bottle it up and I have a hot bath and tea or an early bedtime with a good book or go and watch a good film. Whatever works for you.:)