Help me get this into perspective..

Artytarty

I'm just off the phone to my daughter (22) who told me she has been offered a job in London. £18K (pants).
Its in an field that she is interested in and will tide her over until she (hopefully) gets a full pupillage next year.
I am upset because her initial plan was to come back home for some months, try and get some work and then go travelling before starting what will be an arduous career.
Of course I am pleased for her but also feeling bl**dy sorry for myself. I cant believe shes not coming back. ever.
I'll only get to see her for maybe a total of two weeks in the year
She's a bit upset too but knows this is probably the best thing to do.
It would be mad to turn down a job in these times , no?
Also, can you live in London on £18000, she'll have to start paying council tax and student loan repayments.
I just want my girl home,and I'm feeling so sad, sorry.

Tropez

You should take comfort in the fact that you have raised a daughter who is confident enough to take a job away from home, and smart enough to realise that getting on the job ladder where you can is the best thing that she can do for herself.

As for the 18k, if she lives outside of London and commutes in to work, then 18k is a liveable wage, although she won't be able to afford many nights out.

Artytarty

Thank you! The problem is that "home " is across the Irish Sea.:(
She's been away since uni days but we both hoped she'd be back. Obviously me mostly.

Nicki

It's easier to travel from London to Ireland (north or roi) than it is to travel from London to most places in England, and you can get flights both ways for utter peanuts.

I am a NI girl living in London and it is quicker for me to visit my parents than it is for us to visit my inlaws who live in the Midlands! The flight is only an hour, check in 30 mins before and where I live journey to airport is only 30 mins. Nowhere is a long drive from a NI airport not sure about ROI. If you book ahead and aren't restricted to school holidays you could get a return flight for £30 ish.

The day was going to come eventually! She is 22 not 16 after all, and lots of parents have the opposite problem with children in their late 20's and 30's not able to leave the family home. It isn't the end, it's the beginning of a new grown up relationship between you.

tesuhoha

I know exactly how you feel. Independent or not she is still your girl and you don't want family life to end so abruptly. You want to be part of her life and to still do things with her. I feel for you and I don't know what the answer is. £18,000 is not much to live on especially in London but she probably feels she cannot turn a job down.

However, you never know how things will turn out and you might find her back with you at some point unexpectedly. Hope things turn out well for you.

Tropez

Artytarty wrote: »

Thank you! The problem is that "home " is across the Irish Sea.:(
She's been away since uni days but we both hoped she'd be back. Obviously me mostly.

I can understand why you would miss her.

If it helps any, perhaps, once she is settled, you can start planning the time that you are going to spend together as this would give you something to look forward to. I don't know (or wish to pry) about your work and financial states but Ireland to London doesn't have to be expensive if you're able to book far in advance and so there's always chance for some mother/daughter shopping trips in London and you might be able to meet up a little more than 2 weeks out of the year.

But even if that isn't feasible, there will still be the excitement of seeing her when you are able to, and if you have Skype then you can make video calls to each other when you're both free - it is a small substitute for actually being together but you'll still be able to watch your daughter continue to grow.

Mojisola

It's fantastic that she's been offered a job when so many people are going after each job!

It's not so good that you won't see her so much but they have to make their own lives at some point. Any chance of you arranging a few trips to London?

pigpen

congratulations to her and what a fantastic opportunity.

My sister has lived in London for several years, has now got a fabulous career and gets home when she can.

My oldest left home at 16.. he recently came back for 3 months.. and has just moved out again.

Some children move to the other side of the world.. my XH's uncle did, he has been 'home' once in 40 years!!! she will easiy be able to come visit, maybe not as often as you'd like but there are other ways to keep in touch now.. video calls online, email, facebook.. loads.. be pleased for her and try to keep your sadness to yourself.. it must be hard enough for her as it is without having to feel guilty for you being upset too..

You could take it in turns to visit each other..

It'll work out

bluenoseam

Perspective - she is off doing what she wants & intends to do as a career, your wishes would simply hold her back from doing this.

Artytarty

I havent let her know how upset I am.
I just feel like my OH and I spend so much of our time simply looking forward the next visit from one of our 3 that our lives would have been so much brighter to have her here for a while.
You dont need to tell me that is, selfish i already know.
I dont care for London, shops etc, I just want to be able to sit at my own kitchen table with my own dear child.but if visiting her is the only way then so be it I suppose.I never had any doubt she would be succesful, NI was never going to be big enough.

onlyroz

I lived in London as a student for 8 years - it's certainly possible on considerably less than £18k if you're willing to house-share and are not too picky about the quality of the furnishings.

At 22 your daughter is not a child - and London is a *great* place to live when you're 22.