Help me get this into perspective..

CH27

At the risk of sounding cheesy...

You've given her wings now watch her fly but those wings will bring her home at times too.

busiscoming2

Oh Artytarty I know how you feel, my dd lived away while at uni and then promptly moved to Dublin once she had graduated, although I knew that once she had been at uni for a few months she would never 'come home' again.
She is almost 24 now and I only see her a few times a year, but flights are quick and a weekend trip isn't too difficult. I actually visited her for the easter weekend on my own and had a lovely girly time, probably the biggest thing I miss

She has her own life to lead, is happy and I am so proud I helped provide her with the tools necessary to become the independent and confident woman she is today.

Artytarty

Oh she's willling to house share.Thats the plan.
I know she is an adult, she has a boyfriend and alife of her own, but she'll always be my special girl no matter how old she is.
I know its impractical and wrong but at the moment I just want to get up and move my life to England just to be on the same island !

Spirit_2

I think you are looking at this through the wrong end of the telescope.

Do you still live with your mum?


Be happy for her, miss her by all means but let her go and fulfil her ambitions.

Artytarty

no, but only "down the road" from her.
She is already in London, but I had it in my head she would be coming back. Now she is not. Simples.
I just need today to get over the upset.

shy-but-need-help

My mother went through similar when my sister upped and moved to the other end of the country (although still the same one) Despite my sister going away to university I think my mom had still held out hopes we'd both settle down and raise our families locally, even though realistically she must have known the type of career my sister was aiming for would not happen in our hometown. My sister did move back home for a short while but then moved to the coast where she settled down and began her family.

As a family we get on and enjoy the time my mom does have all her grandchildren together, for us it has the added bonus that my sister and I get along much better when we only have to deal with each other in short doses- such as weekends where our kids are the focus. My mom also gets to enjoy breaks down at my sisters, with and without my dad, and they really enjoy when my sister needs them to stay for a weekend to care for their son (my mother loves wedding season for this reason alone LOL ) They (my parents) alternate Christmas between my house and my sisters house, my nephews birthday we all travel down for the weekend, easter and halloween they all come to my house- I'd never imagined it'd be that way when I was younger but it is and it works.

It does sound like London would be an amazing opportunity for her, it'll look alot better for her to have been continually employed and a good career is a wonderful thing to have in life. I think you need to acknowledge even if she'd have returned to Ireland after University the chances of her settling down very local are slim and flying to London is quicker (and with petrol costs probably cheaper!) than driving several counties to visit someone.

I hope you can adjust to it all soon.

Nimeth

Artytarty wrote: »

no, but only "down the road" from her.
She is already in London, but I had it in my head she would be coming back. Now she is not. Simples.
I just need today to get over the upset.

OP, I know how you are feeling, I also can probably guess how your daughter is feeling too having done something very similar myself. I was born in the USA. When I was 19 I decided I wanted to go abroad to uni and move in with my bf (who is British). My parents and family were upset that I was going so far away, though they hid it well. I was upset too, after all I was leaving my familiar life and family! But the allure of going out and making my own way was too strong and I knew deep down we'd all make every effort to see each other as much as possible. I recently got back from visiting my parents when they came on a business trip to Switzerland. I haven't seen any other members of my family for two years as they all live over 3,000 miles away and the cost of tickets to the US are too high for me and for them. However, we are talking about a visit soon, so none of us go too long without seeing each other. And we email and phone each other regularly. Even hearing from each other is a big help, even though you are not physically there, there's no reason you can't keep up with each others lives.

Your daughter is probably dreaming of her future and is driving herself to achieve her goals. If this means a job in London for a while, she'll want to do whatever it takes. As upset as you feel, you will adjust eventually. Perhaps set up a separate savings account so that you can save up for visit, this is what I do. Given that you're only across the Irish Sea, and if you can find some good deals it shouldn't be too long between visits.

I hope that was of some help, in the meantime I suggest a hot cup of tea and a good book!:grouphug:

Artytarty

Nimeth, that was a lovely post , thank you.And Shy but need , also.
I'm going to shut up now, dry my tears and go and have a bath!
I hate that my own life must be so empty that I try to live through my children It's payback time for having made them the centre of my world.
I do have friends and interests but family has always been my priority.

shy-but-need-help

I don't think it's living through them, just that you've dedicated so much to raising them that it's going to be a big adjustment and re-focus to find new direction, I'm a SAHM with five and I know as they leave home I'll most likely feel very lost for a while (although hopefully with five it'll be a gradual process so I can adjust one at a time)

I would see the fact she can have a good career and is so confident as a sign you've done a wonderful job.

Rockporkchop

Sounds like you have done a fantastic job with your daughter, you should be very proud.

Re the empty house, have you ever thought about fostering? I could have my three with you by the weekend.