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Breastfeeding
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bosseyed
Posts: 475 Forumite
Just a swift (ish) rant. My sister had her baby a couple of months ago and shes been really struggling with breastfeeding - shes shattered, baby is hungry (feeding every hour!) and grumpy and shes been struggling on for nearly 8 weeks with it as her health visitor is some manner of Nazi who seems to have given my sister the idea that if she doesn't breastfeed, shes a terrible mum and her baby will die and that a baby that wants to feed literally every hour or so is normal and definately not hungry in any way.
And all that brought back how my wife was treated by the midwives and health visitors when we had our son last year, same thing - breast is best, anything else is akin to ramming domestos down your baby's throat. My wife struggled for two weeks feeling more and more like a failure with every visit from the health visitor compounding matters as a massive guilt trip was laid down every time and through all this our son was crying nearly continuously (apparently suffering colic claimed the health visitor) and when he was finally weighed had lost nearly 10% of his birth weight. In the end we said f**k it and switched to formula despipte the dour and gloomy predictions by the health visitor, et voila, instant happy baby who didn't have colic at all, he was just bloody hungry poor lad, instant happy wife knowing she was doing the best for her baby, instant happy husband who could take over night feeds and get more involved. Harmony all round.
So bearing the above in mind we've been advising my sister to just try bottle feeding and bloody hell its like shes been brainwashed, took us a couple of weeks of gentle persuasion to get her to even contemplate the idea, finally in desperation she tried using formula - instant success, happy, full baby, mum can finally get some sleep and knows how much milk the baby has had. Harmony all round.
So my point (eventually), why the massive OTT scare tactics about breastfeeding? Its astounding, all through my wifes pregnancy there was a lot of hand wringing and thoughtful expressions and statements along the lines of 'its your baby, your birth, your body, you can do it however you wish' - until apparently it comes to breastfeeding when the Nazi jackboots take over and its breast is best, breast milk or die, rah rah rah, you're not breast feeding, evil, terrible useless parent!
You'd think breastmilk had the ability to cure cancer or bring peace to the middle east the way they go on about it and try and force it as the only viable option to get nutrients into your baby.
If you're able to breastfeed, fine. Happy for you. But if you're not, and I know theres many women out there who can't for a zillion reasons, why make them feel bad? Why guilt trip them, why make them feel like terrible failure mothers? Its a stressy enough time as it is without the additional burden of feeling like you're doing it all wrong.
And all that brought back how my wife was treated by the midwives and health visitors when we had our son last year, same thing - breast is best, anything else is akin to ramming domestos down your baby's throat. My wife struggled for two weeks feeling more and more like a failure with every visit from the health visitor compounding matters as a massive guilt trip was laid down every time and through all this our son was crying nearly continuously (apparently suffering colic claimed the health visitor) and when he was finally weighed had lost nearly 10% of his birth weight. In the end we said f**k it and switched to formula despipte the dour and gloomy predictions by the health visitor, et voila, instant happy baby who didn't have colic at all, he was just bloody hungry poor lad, instant happy wife knowing she was doing the best for her baby, instant happy husband who could take over night feeds and get more involved. Harmony all round.
So bearing the above in mind we've been advising my sister to just try bottle feeding and bloody hell its like shes been brainwashed, took us a couple of weeks of gentle persuasion to get her to even contemplate the idea, finally in desperation she tried using formula - instant success, happy, full baby, mum can finally get some sleep and knows how much milk the baby has had. Harmony all round.
So my point (eventually), why the massive OTT scare tactics about breastfeeding? Its astounding, all through my wifes pregnancy there was a lot of hand wringing and thoughtful expressions and statements along the lines of 'its your baby, your birth, your body, you can do it however you wish' - until apparently it comes to breastfeeding when the Nazi jackboots take over and its breast is best, breast milk or die, rah rah rah, you're not breast feeding, evil, terrible useless parent!
You'd think breastmilk had the ability to cure cancer or bring peace to the middle east the way they go on about it and try and force it as the only viable option to get nutrients into your baby.
If you're able to breastfeed, fine. Happy for you. But if you're not, and I know theres many women out there who can't for a zillion reasons, why make them feel bad? Why guilt trip them, why make them feel like terrible failure mothers? Its a stressy enough time as it is without the additional burden of feeling like you're doing it all wrong.
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Are you happy now you've got that off your CHEST?"You were only supposed to blow the bl**dy doors off!!"0
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If you're able to breastfeed, fine. Happy for you. But if you're not, and I know theres many women out there who can't for a zillion reasons, why make them feel bad? Why guilt trip them, why make them feel like terrible failure mothers? Its a stressy enough time as it is without the additional burden of feeling like you're doing it all wrong.
Because in most cases breastfeeding is best for the baby, yet there are plenty women who choose not to breastfeed (note choose, not are unable to). So those involved tend to put more pressure on mothers to breastfeed to compensate for that.
Don't blame the health workers, blame the selfish mothers who won't breastfeed because they just don't like the idea of it.0 -
How a woman chooses to feed her baby is her own decision and sod all to do with anyone else, as long as the baby is happy and healthy, I bottle fed all mine by choice and they are all fine and dandy and not for a minute did I feel selfish.0
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Because in most cases breastfeeding is best for the baby, yet there are plenty women who choose not to breastfeed (note choose, not are unable to). So those involved tend to put more pressure on mothers to breastfeed to compensate for that.
Don't blame the health workers, blame the selfish mothers who won't breastfeed because they just don't like the idea of it.
Why is such a choice selfish, and who are you to say what is best for someone else's child?Gone ... or have I?0 -
My sister breast fed for 4 months, then switched to bottle as baby was always hungry. Lo and behold the baby is now much less cranky. Also lo and behold, the health visitor read her the riot act. I don't mind them offering their informed opinions, but they need to understand that's where it stops. NOT. THEIR. DECISION!0
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Because in most cases breastfeeding is best for the baby, yet there are plenty women who choose not to breastfeed (note choose, not are unable to). So those involved tend to put more pressure on mothers to breastfeed to compensate for that.
Don't blame the health workers, blame the selfish mothers who won't breastfeed because they just don't like the idea of it.
Why is the choice someone else makes any of your business? Why is it ever appropriate to pressure a new mother into doing something she is not happy with?0 -
I hate the pressure they put on new mums to breast feed, i admit being 18+months breastfeeding my son that 'I' have found it much easier than I expected to, but that isn't the same for everyone, it can be tough and there have been times when I've come close to quitting.
I am however in the mind set of happy baby, happy mum, however you dress it up only you as the parents can make those decisions.
The hormones of a post pregnancy woman are a total minefield though, which understandably make decisions like this really hard!
She's done well to get to 8 weeks, and give her praise for that!:A Self-Employed, Divorcee Mum of Two trying to make it in the world :A0 -
My sister breast fed for 4 months, then switched to bottle as baby was always hungry. Lo and behold the baby is now much less cranky.
That stands to reason. Formula is more filling and harder to digest, so babies use a lot of their energy on digesting the formula, so tend to cry less and sleep more. It doesn't mean that they are more satisfied by formula, just that they are using their energy in a different way.
The above is not an anti-formula comment, btw. Just an observation.
When I was breastfeeding my youngest, when we saw the HV at 13 weeks, I was told to get him on to formula so that he'd sleep through, because he was getting too old to be fully BF. The same HV told us at 20 weeks that I had to wean that week and bring her a diary as proof - "and that includes red meat"!!
Needless to say, we never went back; we even had jabs done by the GP's surgery.
I have to say that, as far as BFing is concerned, you read so much about the potential problems on the internet these days, that I wonder if some mums expect to have difficulties?0 -
Because in most cases breastfeeding is best for the baby, yet there are plenty women who choose not to breastfeed (note choose, not are unable to). So those involved tend to put more pressure on mothers to breastfeed to compensate for that.
Don't blame the health workers, blame the selfish mothers who won't breastfeed because they just don't like the idea of it.
excuse me you don't know me yet believe you have the right to call me selfish!!!!!
I chose NOT to breast feed any of my four, all are happy and healthy teenagers now. We are as close a parent and teenager can be LOL nothing was lost by my CHOOSING NOT to breast fed.
My sanity may well have been lost had I tried to breast feed my twins who came early and were very slow feeders. I would've had a child attached to me almost permantly whilst dealing with their older sister.
DO NOT tar all non breast feeders with the same brush.
Mum knows what is best for her and her child.0 -
As long as the baby is fed, does it REALLY matter whether it is formula or breast milk? Really? I don't think so personally.:A
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