How do you get a man to open up??

ifonlyitwaseasier

i find a machete normally opens them wide open.......


maybe he isn't someone who can talk openly about his feelings, i know my lil bro really can't stand discussing anything that might be "feelings"

Kimberley82

tin opener?

Jinx

Alcohol...

PHYTHIAN

Sorry but I need to refer to Rule One in the 'Being a man' handbook we blokes receive when entering the first stage of puberty.

1, Never 'open up' or 'show your true emotions' to any woman other than your mother. It can AND WILL be used against you at some future point.

I 'open up' to my wife when I've had a few to drink....it's the only time I can pluck up the courage.:rotfl::rotfl:

Seriously though, let the guy be. Tell him how you feel but, for God's sake, leave it at that.

balletshoes

What do you want him to open up to you about OP?
If its discussions about joint problems/practical household or future stuff, I can discuss that no bother with my OH. But I'm aware that I rarely instigate discussions on the depth of feelings we have about each other. I love him more now than when we first got married, miss him, and can't imagine not being together with him, but he definitely tells me more than I tell him this kind of thing.

Maybe your OH, like me, just needs to take his own time to tell you, and needs to do it when he feels its the right time, not necessarily when you are telling him a similar thing. I have in the past got very overcome with emotion when my OH is telling me how important I am to him, and I really can't speak, can't get words out.

Do you know how much you mean your OH? If you do, if you're secure in that knowledge, let him open up to you more in his own time. If you need to hear it from him though, because you're not sure of the depth of his feelings, by all means tell him you need to hear it .

kezzygirl

why shouldnt she be able to expect her husband to talk to her?IMO there is no way she should just 'put up with it' because 'he will leave'. I say **** to that!
How about how it makes her feel?why should she push her feelings aside just because he is emotionally stunted?
Op, I suggest being open with him about how his lack of feeling/opinion is affecting you, ie.the negative thoughts u have that ultimately could lead to worse problems for yourself mentally.

Men will avoid,it is a normal human reaction,however by avoiding,nothing gets done/resolved.Its important that he realises that.

make_me_wise

FBaby wrote: »

I have of course told him how I feel, how important it is to me to know how he feels about things, how I believe no relationship can be healthy without communication, how I wanted us to grow together as a couple, not just live together as companion, but he seems frozen to the core at the prospect of opening up.

As he tells me 'he doesn't think about stuff, he just moves on...' He has said that I am the person he has been most opened with left me quite shocked (but a bit more confident!!!).

I know they say opposites attract, but unfortunately you two seem to have totally opposite approaches and thoughts on the things that really matter. Not sure how sustainable this relationship is unless you can sit down and agree to pull together more and work as a team with your communication.

Imagine spending the rest of your life with someone who you struggle to express things to and gain the help and support you need and deserve. Seeing it in the short term is possible, dealing with it long term would drive me nuts personally.

FBaby

I didn't expect so many responses in so little time! Thanks. There seem to be a concensus for accepting him as he is, which is interesting and one to ponder on, although not something I haven't tried before! Not sure too how much this is coming from men and how much from women!

Ok, what I am talking about is things like priorities in life, financial decisions, intimate life, family choices etc... We do share similar aspirations, but at the moment, we don't seem to have the same priorities and I feel that in the past two years, I have gone with his and been patient. However, this is not happening and I am starting to get a bit itsy that it is not just a question of time. This is what I would like to talk about. I do let him know how I feel, but it is not coming back, so I don't really know where I stand really.

I don't really like this take it or leave it option. I believe that relationships are about balancing being accepted for who we are with trying to make efforts to make the other one happy. I feel that if you are not prepared to make some changes, than you can't love that person that much, but maybe I am wrong in thinking like that. I don't want to change my man, he comes with his good points and bad and I love him for who he is, but not being able to feel comfortable talking about things that I think are important is an issue for me.

I could leave, but I love him with all my hearts and I don't give up easily! I just don't want to, more a question of accepting to live with it, or as my first post, trying to find a way to make him feel more comfortable talking about his feelings. Is it really so bad to want this of a partner?

FBaby

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Read 'Why men don't talk and women can't read maps'

The best relationship book I have ever read.

Had to laught at this one as it is a joke amongst us that my man can talk the leg of the donkey (as long as it is not about feelings!) but couldn't live without his tomtom whereas I absolutely refuse to have such a stupid instrument around me (we battle in the car and had to settle to it being on his side and on silent!)

I do get the message though, will check it out, thanks!

balletshoes

FBaby wrote: »

trying to find a way to make him feel more comfortable talking about his feelings. Is it really so bad to want this of a partner?

not at all - maybe its about picking your battles though. Can you prioritise what subjects you most want to get your OH's feelings and perspective on, and let him know you need to hear what he has to say about those? Stick with those only until you've got some idea of where you're both heading.

My OH used to infuriate me with his apparent inability to discuss joint finances/household stuff with me, but it was because he's always just thought stuff like that gets sorted by one or other of us, so whats the need to discuss it all? So I picked my battles - if it was something I really needed him to discuss with me, I'd say "this is a big thing" - that was his cue to listen to me and get involved.