Feeling a bit low...

icelandic_queen

Hi tara747, just checking you're ok> Take careX

tara747

Thanks, both of you. Yes, I'm ok. I am just having a bit of 'me time' at the moment, OH has gone to stay with a friend for a few days. Am relishing the peace tbh!

I am still so confused... He says that he wants to save the relationship but I don't want to agree, only to be back in this situation in 6 months or a year. I really need some time to myself.

Sorry, I can't really process my thoughts at the mo, never mind write a coherent post about them. Keep telling me your stories though - they really are helping. Will post soon xo

vroombroom

Hi Tara, just stumbled upon this thread.....I split up with my ex after 4 years together two years aogo now - I came home early from work and found a girl in my living room. Its a bit of a haze but I remember taking my dogs and getting on a train 300 miles to see my mum (and I remember crying at the metro station cos it wouldnt accept my £1 coin, with my dogs, I must have looked a state!)

I never went back and its still raw to talk about it (I very rarely do)...but 18 months on I have a new OH and we have a little baby.

Best piece of advice I was given was follow your heart and not your head x (if I had followed my head I would still be living 300 miles away from where I do now with the ex and his cheating ways)

it does get better, I promise x

make_me_wise

tara747 wrote: »

Has anyone else ever had a moment in a relationship which killed it stone dead or is it usually death by a thousand cuts like my sorry situation?

Ive had relationships end both ways. Hurt like hell at the time. However once the shock and fear of being on my own again had worn off and I had enjoyed some head space, things felt alot better and clearer.

For what its worth I think you have handled this difficult time in your life really well OP. I was scared at having missed the marriage and baby boat too. Things fell into place though and I am now with the guy that I envisage spending the rest of my life with. I know deep down that I didn't feel that way about the other guys I had relationships with. Its worth holding out for someone who makes you truly happy.

Whatever you decide to do next I wish you luck.

icelandic_queen

Hi tara747, you take al the time in the world to sort yourself out. You're rght to worry about things further down the line. He may well be panicking because the thought of being on his own is frightening and whilst he may want to save the relationship now maybe some time apart will make things clearer in his mind too. I haven't met anyone else, but that has been my choice as I have 3 kids and tbh I like my own company at night!

nat21luv

Oh tara hope your ok? I;ve been in this situation for the last 3 months myself, being on the verge of breaking up, realising we cant live without each other then back arguing 2 weeks later. Its exhausting and im becoming numb. I have just found out he has been on a dating website contacting women '..i stumbled across you, stopped, curiosity got the better of me so decided to say hello..' so thinking this will be the last straw. Not sure how I should take this, my tummy tells me im not happy with it! I really hope you can remain strong and positive, my belief is there is always someone out there better than the last and we should never settle for second best...maybe I should take my own advice ay?!! xxx

novagirl

Oh some of your stories are sounding so familiar to mine at the moment. If only life was so simple! I can understand your thinking of you don't want this space to be ok for now and then you to be 6 months down the line and things turn into a mess again ~ (been there, done that!)

My ex and I broke up about a month ago now. Well, I say broke up...he walked out on me and our 2 kids with no reason. He just didn't come back home after seeing some mates for the afternoon ~ just posted the car key through the letterbox. I felt (and still do) utterly devastated but I guess things will have a way of working things out in the end.

Have plenty of 'me time' Tara and you'll work out what you both want in your lives I'm sure. Time is a healer so they say and you always know someone will be on MSE whatever time, day or night, if you need a chat! Take care x

lutzi1

tara747 wrote: »

p.s. I was talking to a friend about this during the week, she confessed that her ex-BF once called her a c**t during a heated argument and she said that that was it for her - she dumped him immediately and never spoke to him again.

Has anyone else ever had a moment in a relationship which killed it stone dead or is it usually death by a thousand cuts like my sorry situation?

With one ex boyfriend, it was when he said he looked forward to a future when we could have a caravan for weekends like his parents!!!! :rotfl: Nooooh!!!!

Ettenna

nat21luv wrote: »

Oh tara hope your ok? I;ve been in this situation for the last 3 months myself, being on the verge of breaking up, realising we cant live without each other then back arguing 2 weeks later. Its exhausting and im becoming numb. I have just found out he has been on a dating website contacting women '..i stumbled across you, stopped, curiosity got the better of me so decided to say hello..' so thinking this will be the last straw. Not sure how I should take this, my tummy tells me im not happy with it! I really hope you can remain strong and positive, my belief is there is always someone out there better than the last and we should never settle for second best...maybe I should take my own advice ay?!! xxx

This is what my hubby is doing. I found out he has been registered on a site since 2009 and contacting women trying to arrange to meet them. He has an obsession with swinging.

He did this years ago as well - but not only through websites. He was contacting a woman he knew and arranging to meet her when he was working away. I am such a coward and will do anything for a quiet life so did not confront him about it and haven't done this time either. I printed off loads of email conversations (at the time when email was quite new to me) but got rid of it all several years ago because I could not have it lying around anymore.

I am also convinced that he is trying to get with another woman who is half his age. All the signs are there - password lock on his phone (never has been before), not mentioning her name when I know darn well she has been out with his group, secret BBM conversations.

I am constantly on the verge of tears and am so miserable about everything. Part of me wants to leave, part of me wants to stay. I cannot leave my children. Well - they are nearly adults now!! He has always said jokingly that he is going to divorce me when the youngest is 18 - so only another 3 years to wait.

I broke down at the doctors the other day - I used a sore finger as an excuse to go and see him. He has referred me to talking therapies. I have started writing notes on my phone so that I can vent my anger and frustration at something.

Well that's turned out to be quite an essay! Sorry.