Feeling a bit low...

tara747

Think OH and I may be about to break up... I'm not sure how I feel about it, maybe it's the right thing to do as we have been totally miserable lately, but I am feeling very low and lonely.

I don't know who to talk to and the two friends I've just called haven't answered their phones. I guess I've come on here to get it all off my chest...

whitewing

Always seems worse at this time of night. et yourself a cuppa and then come and tell us about it xxx

belfastgirl23

Hey Tara just to say hi and sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Just gonna ask, are you sure the problem is what you think it is? I mean that at this time of night it's often a bit about tiredness and a bit about maybe worries about the week at work or whatever as well? Maybe not, just thought I'd ask in case. I know late at night I sometimes obsess about something and then waken in the morning and wonder what all that was about, except that it's usually about feeling stressed one way or another.

No good advice to give except to say that if you want to post we're all here. And there's a good chance it will look brighter in the morning.

Oh the one piece of advice, even if it doesn't look better in the morning be sure and get some exercise. It really does help you feel better and help you sleep as well.

And in the meantime have a hug. And I don't give them away lightly

tara747

Thanks, both of you.

Belfastgirl - I am fairly sure it's on the cards. Things have been bad for a while now, and we just seem to be making each other unhappy. I don't know how to make it better again and I don't think he does either. It may be for the best - put us both out of our misery and all that. I feel gutted about it but is it the person or the being-in-a-couple-ness that I would miss? I don't know at the moment.

In addition, there's my age to consider - splitting up with a LT partner over the age of 30 is fraught with 'what ifs'. What if I never meet 'the one', or indeed anyone as good or better than him?

You're right about this time of night I guess - even worse because it's a Sunday. I just want to crawl into (the spare) bed and sleep, but my mind will probably be racing all night.

whitewing

My MIL is mid-50s and has a new gentleman friend.

I was 6 years on my own with a DS before I met my DH, got married and had a baby.

There are magic moments out there for all of us.

And of course it all happened when we stopped worrying about it!

prosaver

ride the wave

belfastgirl23

Well if it's going to happen it's going to happen and you're right it's a really tough situation to be in.

But in case it cheers you up, I was at a wedding recently of a 65 year old friend. His wife died a few years ago and he was so sad, they'd been married 30 years and he thought he'd never meet anyone else. But he met an absolutely wonderful woman who is now the light of his life (and he of hers as well as far as I can see). In August I'm going to another friend's wedding. She was divorced around age 30 and was devastated. But she's met someone now (aged about 40) and is completely delighted with him. So believe me when I say that people can and do meet someone to love at all ages.

In my own case too, DH and I came very very close to splitting up once, about 10 years ago. In fact maybe we did split up really. But it was a necessary thing for us at that time, to discover what we really wanted. And in the end it was each other.

I know this seems a long way off now but I'm just saying that in the darkest of times it can be hard to see that there is light. But things do have a way of working themselves out in the long term. Just try to hold onto that and have faith.

But believe me I know how hard that can be. Try texting some of your friends - they won't mind. Or have a hot bath. Or reread a favourite book. Be kind to yourself! You deserve it.

tara747

whitewing wrote: »

My MIL is mid-50s and has a new gentleman friend.

I was 6 years on my own with a DS before I met my DH, got married and had a baby.

There are magic moments out there for all of us.

And of course it all happened when we stopped worrying about it!

Thanks for the stories, very heartening.

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Well if it's going to happen it's going to happen and you're right it's a really tough situation to be in.

But in case it cheers you up, I was at a wedding recently of a 65 year old friend. His wife died a few years ago and he was so sad, they'd been married 30 years and he thought he'd never meet anyone else. But he met an absolutely wonderful woman who is now the light of his life (and he of hers as well as far as I can see). In August I'm going to another friend's wedding. She was divorced around age 30 and was devastated. But she's met someone now (aged about 40) and is completely delighted with him. So believe me when I say that people can and do meet someone to love at all ages.

In my own case too, DH and I came very very close to splitting up once, about 10 years ago. In fact maybe we did split up really. But it was a necessary thing for us at that time, to discover what we really wanted. And in the end it was each other.

I know this seems a long way off now but I'm just saying that in the darkest of times it can be hard to see that there is light. But things do have a way of working themselves out in the long term. Just try to hold onto that and have faith.

But believe me I know how hard that can be. Try texting some of your friends - they won't mind. Or have a hot bath. Or reread a favourite book. Be kind to yourself! You deserve it.

That's the thing. I think that we could do with some time apart, to get some perspective and really figure out what we want, and it could be the making of us. OH won't hear of it. He said recently that if either of us moves out, there is no way back. Sigh.

Thanks for the kind words, and also for sharing your stories. I am anxious about having kids tbh, and am at the age where I should be getting on with it. I can't face the thought of being single.

Also, just to complicate things further, I have feelings for someone else. I don't know how 'real' the feelings are, but they're there. OH hasn't a clue btw.

p.s. I can't text anyone at this time of night (all my friends are early to bed types), and anyway it's not the sort of thing you can say in a text...

tara747

I came very close to breaking up with OH 2 years ago, with hindsight maybe I should have. And then I'd have had those two years with less pressure to meet someone before it's 'too late'. Whereas I feel like it's now or never!

whitewing

I know of someone who had their child at 48 perfectly naturally. Better to wait for a couple of years with the right man than rush with the wrong one.

When I was 34 (and everyone had written me off) my Nan said I'd got another 10 years ahead of me so no need to rush. My Nan knew everything!

tara747

whitewing wrote: »

I know of someone who had their child at 48 perfectly naturally. Better to wait for a couple of years with the right man than rush with the wrong one.

When I was 34 (and everyone had written me off) my Nan said I'd got another 10 years ahead of me so no need to rush. My Nan knew everything!

I know that she is probably the exception, but that is still a nice anecdote, I appreciate it.

Sorry for being so pathetic, I'm just feeling sorry for myself. But all your kind words are helping enormously, thank you.