Marriage support needed please

themull1

Are you married to my husband? we were together 13 years, he started not letting me touch him etc, kept his new iphone with him constantly, i could hear texts beeping through every five minutes, then he said he didnt love me, but cared for me, then he moved out in January and went out with a 26 year old....

He's going to be 40 soon as well....I hope life gives him everything he deserves!!

I hope you sort through this, but a classic man's excuse is ' i love you, but not in that way'..and maybe you need to go your seperate ways now, rather than waste any more of your time.

bugbabe1970

Hi everyone,

sorry i havent been on for a while but Ive just been to exhausted and too emotional over the last couple of weeks to be able to sit and post. Thankyou all so much for your replies and advice. I really apreciate it.

Well the current situation is that we are still together but everyday I am questioning my life and my marriage and my future. Not a lot has changed and he still says he cares about me and loves the children and doesnt want to leave, but its killing me as he hasnt said he loves me in weeks and we used to have such a close relationship that sometimes I feel like I am living with a stranger.

He has said sorry for the txting and he now understands how much he has hurt me and I believe him. He hasnt got a phone anymore, so no more txting, I have thought that he could have a payg but for us to move forward i have to start trusting him again. but its difficult.

He swears nothing happened with her, he needed someone to talk too and I have to believe this.

so as it stands, we have had a good week, kind of almost back to normal, but not, if you know what i mean. My son has now finished his gcse and thankfully he got through them fine. We still sleep together ans live together as a married couple but the underlying fact is that he still says he doesnt now how he feels about me!! And im just confused. He wont talk about "it" unless im breaking down and even then its like drawing blood out of a stone.

So Thursday night, for my own sanity, i tols him the time is comeing when decisions have to be mead. I told him that he needs to decide whether he wants us to be together as man and wife and make a go of it or we need to go our seprearate ways. I want to make it work but I can feel my mental health deteriorating and I need to think of myself and my children. The thought of a life without him is unbearablr but I cant go on like this. I feel like im in limbo.

Sory for mega post. DIdnt want to face it. But now I have I cant stop typing.

Apreciate the male points of view on the situation too. Is he confused? Does he know what he wants? How much time sould I give him?
Thanks all x

bugbabe1970

:oSorry about the spelling ^^^^^^^^^

bugbabe1970

OH has been to stay with his dad again this weekend, and my emotions are all over the place. I think the dreaded depression is creeping up on me. Im feeling like a crazy woman, totaly out of control of my emoyions. I cant go on like this and have been seriously considering asking OH to move out to give me some space to decide what I want. Financially though, that is going to be very difficult. I love my OH deeply but am begining to wonder if this is beyond repair. x

denton6

Big hugs, sounds very similar to my soon to be ex husband.He now lives with the 21 year old and he is 41 this year. I to go from been calm and sensible one minute to a mad mad lady the next. hope you manage to work out what is best for you soon. again big hugs x

scooby088

I think men get bored in long term relationships as do women, you get bogged down in life and this texting was a form of excitement for your husband, he may have seen this harmless fun, but for you it was torture. In all honesty i dont think he has cheated and to get rid of the phone is going from one extreme to the other, I know from experience that your husband is feeling guilty hence he got rid of the phone, i know when i am guilty of anything i can't bear being round the person/s.

I wish i had an answer for you, i can't give you any. You need time to think what you both want to go forward together or seperate. But that is only a decision both of you can make.

bugbabe1970

He came home last night and just carried on as normal and i think this is whats so hard for me. Im in limbo. Dont know if he just gettiing on with things as its the easy option for him or if hes doing it to try and make a go of it. He just wont disccuss it at the moment though.

So I have decided this morning to get my house in order! I need to look after myself and my children and make sure I can support us financially then decide what I want. It might take a few weeks but by that time I will hopefully know what I want for my future whether that be with him or not.

Artytarty

Speaking with experience of being "the other woman" please do not assume the relationship was equally balanced.I allowed a male friend to become too friendly, he developed feelings that were not reciprocated , he texted and emailed, all just banter with a bit off flattery thrown in.
I didnt stop him (Wrong of me I now see) because I thought it was harmless as I didnt feel the same. Also, i'd want to hurt his feelings and I thought he knew where the boundary lay.WRONG.
Now his wife wont let him see or speak to me and I have lost a good friend, well he used to be, but the man I thought was my friend wouldnt have hurt his wife like that.
So its not necessarily anything more than an infatuation on your husbands part and hopefully you can both get past that.It could be that he was feeling lonely and just enjoyed a spark that should have been extinguished.

Errata

bugbabe1970 wrote: »

He came home last night and just carried on as normal and i think this is whats so hard for me. Im in limbo. Dont know if he just gettiing on with things as its the easy option for him or if hes doing it to try and make a go of it. He just wont disccuss it at the moment though.

So I have decided this morning to get my house in order! I need to look after myself and my children and make sure I can support us financially then decide what I want. It might take a few weeks but by that time I will hopefully know what I want for my future whether that be with him or not.

That sounds like he's not prepared to put himself out to try and sort things out. Which really speaks volumes about him and how much he values his marriage and family.