Marriage support needed please

bugbabe1970

Hi everyone

My OH and I have been married for 17 years, most of it very happy, but had our ups and downs, like everyone. We have 3 children and have always had a loving and happy relationship, until last week!!

Things havent been right for a little while, probably about 2 months but i thought we were just going through a rough patch, but i found out on sunday he has been having a "Txting" relationship with a work colleague. I am devastated. For the last 5 weeks he has txted her at every opportunity possible, up to 40 times a day sometimes. He absolutely denies having a physical relationship with her and said he needed a "freind" to talk to. Im not naive, this was obviously more than a frienship but i think i caught it before it developed into anything else.

I really dont know how to deal with this. Im heartbroken. He says he loves me and will not leave me but he also says that he doesnt love me the way he used to and doesnt know if he can feel that way again. To be honest, this hurts more than the anything. We had such a close and special relationship and i truly cannot believe this is happening to us. Im in a living hell.

Quick background, I am 41, he will be 40 next year. We have lived in my home town since we got married and his only family memeber livves 400 miles away. He says he has no friends and no family apart from me and he just needed someone to talk too, but we have always talked to each other in the past and im devastated that he turned to someone else.

Any advice anyone can give me would really be appreciated. I really want to work this out, but how can we movw on from this and i am just so worried that he doesnt want to! He has gone to visit his father this weekend to have some space to think about everything.

He is very ashamed of what he has done and can barely look at me. I think we are both devastated to be honest!

needanewjob

I haven't much advice I'm afraid. Our backgrounds sound similar and I'd be gutted also. I suppose at least he's ashamed of his actions. Lots of talking to be done I suspect. Best wishes.

relic

If he is ashamed of what he has done, then at least that is a start, shows that he cares.

I find it a bit odd that you are thinking about how he is feeling, and how he is going to cope, what about you?

McKneff

I understand you are devastated but give over, he;s devastated because he's been caught. Of course, he's ashamed, he would say that, wouldn't he.

You can move on from it, but it depends on what he wants, you both need to sit down and talk, away from the kids,

Do you know this other person.

bugbabe1970

No i dont know her. She is a work colleague

my emotions are all over the palce at the moment. I love him but I hate him. I want him to stay but I cant stand the sight of him.

Its just hell

McKneff

Does she know that you have found out about all this.

Just keep popping back for support, sometimes just venting helps.

DS4215

What were the contents of the txt messages? - were they inappropriate (sexual or loving) or just friendly chat that got carried away?

If he really has no friends in the area then he might just have got carried away and it really is just friendship. Alternatively it could be more emotionally to one (or both) of them. As much as the two of you are close and have always talked in the past, sometimes there are things that you can't discuss with your OH.

bugbabe1970

Yes she does. In a fit of rage i txt her and thanked her for ruining 18 years of marriage!! Shes married too.

bugbabe1970

DS4215 wrote: »

What were the contents of the txt messages? - were they inappropriate (sexual or loving) or just friendly chat that got carried away?

I didnt see any of the messages. He had deleted them all. I got suspicious because he started carrrying his phone everywhere with him and he had locked it. So i looked at the phone bill and was devastated to see he has been txting her up to 40/50 times a day for the last 5 weeks. I think that more then friendship really.

McKneff

bugbabe1970 wrote: »

Yes she does. In a fit of rage i txt her and thanked her for ruining 18 years of marriage!! Shes married too.

Cant blame yu for that, wonder if she is worrying about you telling her husband, then, he will feel like yu feel now.

This text business, cant be doing with it, I would have been tempted to go into where she worked and been calm and just said whatever was in your text to be honest.

Have you spoken to your OH yet.

bugbabe1970

I have to go and get my kids now. Will pop back later.

Thx all x