Do i go to my school reunion or do i leave the past behind.

dark_lady

I have a high school reunion coming up at the end of July. Im not sure whether to go or not. I have some good memories of school but also some bad ones and the bad does outweigh the good. Ive put on a bit of weight (ok a lot of weight) and i was persecuted at school for being overweight (but the funny thing is looking back at old photos i looked fine) some of these "lovely people" also gave me a really nasty nickname due to me having long dark thick hair because they thought it made me look like a hippy.
They picked on me because i wasnt allowed to shave my legs. My mum is Italian and Catholic and thought it might lead to teenage pregnancy. And as for the teachers???? Well they spent five years moaning at me for not having the correct coloured PE kit. Truth was my poor mum was paying for everything cos my dad was a bit of a tightwad. She paid for all the school uniform for me and bro including five shirts each and she was working full time in a chicken factory just to afford this so no way was i bugging her just cos the school wanted me to wear green t shirts for PE. I certainly hope todays teachers have more common sense than my PE teachers in the 80s did. At eleven years old yes i could have got a paper round and paid for them myself but my mum was very over protective and wouldnt let me. She was the same with my brother.
And because i was getting bullied at school mum was worried about me bumping into those responsible if i went out in the evening.
However on the flip side i did have a bunch of good friends at school so i am really in a quandary about this. Have any of you been to a school reunion and how did you handle things? I left school in 1989 by the way. Thanks for reading this long waffle.

meritaten

hun - how do you feel about yourself now? Have you got a job? a family? travelled the world? are you a sober and responsible member of society? Do you want to go and see how others have turned out?
make a list of the reasons you want to go and another of the reasons you DONT want to go. whichever is longer you make your decision.
Its not about your past - its about now. and if you would truly like to meet up with the people who either were friends or made your life a misery. Sometimes those bullies turn out to be the most pathetic people and you can lay your demons to rest.

bomechina

You don't say how long a go you left school. Are you still in touch with many people from your school years? IMO if you have bad memories of school I would give it a miss. I never went to mine and later heard it was just a load of old pupils playing one upmanship and dragging up old squabbles, arguments and a lot of back stabbing.
But hey, that was my school re union, not all of them a probably like that :cool:

cgk1

Have any of you been to a school reunion and how did you handle things?

I couldn't think anything worse to waste an evening on - I kept in touch with people I wanted to keep in touch with and left the rest for dead. I had an good time at school (from what I remember - I never think about so I'm vague on some of the details) but it's gone, it's over and I'd be bored to tears listening to 'funny' stories about what we did at 12 or listening to dull story after dull story about how young joey is being potty-trained.

dark_lady

Thankyou for replying. I left school 22 years ago. I do have something in my life im proud of. Been with my husband for nineteen years but dont have a job cos i am his full time carer. There are a few of my old mates going so thats good and i suppose i could have a contingency plan to leave early. My bro would be happy to look after my hubby so i could have a night out. My husband is an easygoing bloke and doesnt mind me going out at all but he thinks going to this reunion is a bad idea and that the past should stay in the past.
Seven years ago i found out that an old schoolfriend i was quite close to, commit suicide. We had lost touch and i felt terrible not being there for her. i would like to put some flowers on her grave but i dont know what her married name was. If i go to this reunion i might be able to find out. Feeling a bit confused right now.

mutter

If I was you, I wouldn't bother.
I didn't bother going to mine (25 year anniversary).
I always find when I bump into people I haven't seen for years, once you've exchanged details about what you do, where you live and how many kids you've got, the conversation comes to an embarrasssing grinding halt because to be honest, if we'd had anything more interesting to say to each other, we'd have probably made more effort to keep in touch.

There's a lot of the past that deserves to stay in the past, and if you feel that way about school, and the people you knew there, it's really not worth stressing yourself out in order to bring it all back into the present.

cgk1

dark_lady wrote: »

There are a few of my old mates going so thats good and i suppose i could have a contingency plan to leave early.

That's what my other-half did, her and some friends went to their reunion and were bored within an hour and then left to go and have some actual fun.

diable

Screw them and don't worry about it.

sparrer

dark_lady wrote: »

I left school 22 years ago

I think that says enough.

It's history. It made you unhappy. You don't want to meet with those who bullied you just to show them you've made something of yourself, it's unlikely they've given you a thought for years so they don't deserve your attention now. You don't have to prove anything to anyone from schooldays, the ones who really matter are those in your life today.

re the friend who took her own life, sadly even if you had been there you couldn't have done anything. When a person is in that frame of mind they're very unlikely to listen to anyone, they're just very intent and focused on doing what they feel they have to.

To make contact with old friends ask the organiser to give them your address, or search for them on Friends Reunited or other school websites, but to be truthful if you'd wanted to stay in touch you'd have done so before, not just when a school reunion is imminent.

Enjoy the evening in the warmth of your real friends and family

dark_lady

Sparrer that is a lovely post. thank you.
After some googling and stumbling around on the local Births Deaths and Marriages site i think i have found out what my old friends married name was. It helped that i remembered her exact date of birth and her unusual middle name. It gave me a lump in my throat to see it in black and white across the screen like that but at least now i know her full married name and details i can go to the cemetries dept at the council, find out where she is buried and leave some flowers for her. Thanks for your comments everyone.

pinkduvetdiva

Hiya, just thought I'd give you my 2p worth.
I didn't have such a great time at school - in fact, I was probably the first one out of the doors after my GCSEs! Last Friday, it was our school reunion. When the event was announced on Facebook, I was adamant that I wasn't going (I wasn't Prime Minister, married to royalty, or a millionaire!). Then I had a change of heart and decided that I would go along, but head off home if I didn't like it. I did go briefly with 2 friends, then went for a boozy meal elsewhere, then came back to the reunion. We met up with 2 girls from the year above, that we'd already added on FB previously, and a guy from the year below that we hadn't. Was it worth it? I'm not sure really.... I'm already in touch with the people I wanted to be in touch with from school.
Sorry if I've bored you rigid OP, and I hope you're happy with the decision that you make.:)