How can I tell my Husband that I hate the dog?

moomin5

It doesn't sound like the most ideal breed for your situation, but that's not to say you couldn't make it work so I think you need to decide with your DH whether realistically your willing & able to work together to give chester what he needs and to work on the problems to see if you can improve the situation in a few months or accept that a mistake was made and look to rehome him ideally via breeder or breed rescue.

If your able to go to a training class with chester i think it would help use up some of his energy learning some new skills and also give you the confidence & understanding to train other stuff in future and help you bond with him as at the moment understandably he's seen more of an annoyance. It also helps motivation going to classes weekly to carry it on between and a reminder that everyone has weak areas that they struggle on.

Getting up at 5 could be related to sunrise, if he's not busting for loo, try to keep the room he's in dark & see if that helps any.

Grabbing and shaking the cat is not good, but as cat is still alive you maybe able to correct this behaviour while he's still young. This relates to greyhounds but may still help -cats & other small animals factsheet you would of course have to slowly introduce a muzzle not just whack it on him but does stop the worry of him grabbing the cat during the process.

Tropez

It is always going to be like this with the vast majority of puppies, irrespective of their breed. Heck, I remember when my first two whippet puppies rolled into the home - they were an utter menace, biting/mouthing, grabbing whatever they could, moaning when they didn't get their own way, barking for attention, demanding to get up at 5am, even when I was getting up in the night to let them out. I remember in particular Mil, being the idiot girl that she is, taking far too long to understand that I didn't want her peeing on the carpet - she understood going outside meant I wanted her to do her business, but didn't seem to click that was because I didn't want her going inside.

They wound me up something rotten at times and probably wound my older whippet up too but the truth is with enough perseverance, they do settle down.

In your situation, it is difficult. I'm not sure how attached your husband is to having a dog but I know that I personally would never want to be without one, which is probably why I have three of the !!!!!!s with a fourth joining in a few weeks.

If you want him rehomed, I'd do it as soon as possible. I think it is cruel to allow a dog to become accustomed to a particular place and a particular family and then move it along. He's just a puppy, he doesn't understand your world and he doesn't realise that he's upsetting you and he's just trying to fit in and find his place and doing largely what puppies do.

The pulling on the lead is a self reinforcing act which your husband should be helping to curb. A dog tugs on the lead because it wants to go somewhere and everytime it moves forward it's won. To put a stop to this requires patience and sometimes muscle. If you have a big enough garden or safe driveway, take the dog out on a lead and every single time it pulls stop dead in your tracks and hold firm. Eventually the dog will stop tugging and likely look at you and then you should offer it a small treat to come to your side by tapping your leg and showing the treat. Then take another step, if the dog walks off and starts tugging again, hold firm, tap your leg, wait until the dog is at your side, and then walk and repeat and repeat and repeat, only offering treats occasionally. By doing this you accomplish two things - you get the dog to stop tugging, and also teach it that tapping your leg means "come here" as the dog associates the tapping with the possibility of being rewarded.

Teaching a dog to sit is possibly one of the best ideas. They will learn. Every single time the dog sits, say sit. Every single time you go to give it food or a treat say sit and hover the food out of his reach but directly above him and say sit. When he sits, give him the food or treat. It should get to the point where every single time your dog is about to get his food, he'll sit out of habit. You can also use this for anything that your dogs like to do... if my dogs wanted to play with me, I'd make them sit before I picked them up. If they wanted to go back in the house, I'd make them sit before I opened the door. Eventually, when the dog is jumping up at you, you can say sit and he will do it because he will think you're about to do something to make him happy.

Now, a working dog needs to be kept busy and entertained and there are ways of doing this. You can buy various toys that can have treats put in them that the dog can smell but will only be able to retrieve if he can work out how to get the treat out. This will keep him busy and stop him from getting bored - he'll be focused on achieving his goal of filling his belly.

You may also want to consider a pen - they can be bought quite cheaply. This way you can confine the dog to a specific area whenever you yourself need to do other things. It is better than putting the dog in its crate, as it won't associate the cramped space of a crate with a bad thing (you want the dog to love its crate!). Pop some toys in the pen and when its old enough a rawhide cigar chews (they keep my whippets quiet for hours!) and let it play in there by itself for a bit. As well as not getting under your feet, it will learn to amuse itself with its toys, especially if you can get some of the more interesting ones.

And while this may sound strange, make sure the dog is sleeping enough. A puppy should be sleeping 13-16 hours per day and in many cases a tired dog is like a tired toddler - overactive and annoying. I can still remember Mil and Zoe chasing around like utter loons one minute and then the moment I popped them in their crates falling fast asleep. With some dogs, it seems the more tired they are, the more they'll charge around until they're put in a position to rest.

But these suggestions only work if you want to keep the dog. As I say, if you don't then you need to just come out with it and get it back to the breeder so it can be rehomed as soon as possible and if you ever want a dog in the future, consider going to a rescue centre and letting the staff there find the right dog for you. Puppies are always going to need work, more than a human baby at times, and I wonder whether your husband got a little too in love with the idea of having a dog and didn't pay enough attention to the breed?

Spirit_2

We have kept working breed of dog for the last 20 something years. The first dog and the first couple of years were very hard work for me, as we unexpectedly had our first child in that time. Although I loved him at times the pup did get me down, and I did get to a "it's me or the dog" stage.


However having the dog did encourage us to live in a certain way...lots of walks, moving to the countryside, quite outdoorsy a comfortable but not smart home liberally sprinkled with dog hairs.....oh and we both worked full time but manage not to leave our dog for long periods.

If you can see a future in a doggy home fine, but if it is never going to be you, you need to admit your mistake, no blame, and find your pup a home that suits him.

We took a rehomed dog last year. He is well loved here, chases my cats and the conflict is a pain and not what we were used to. Because we want it all to work we persevere and have to juggle access to avoid problems. Trying to see the funny side of the tricky moments helps.

Good luck

nonnatus

Wow! I agree with the previous posts. A pointer is certainly not a dog for a beginner and if you're giving off vibes of fear and loathing, poor Chester will be picking up on that. Please speak to the breeder. Maybe do a bit of research and settle on a nice docile lap dog that won't chase cats (as opposed to one who's bred to chase small furry creatures!).

Lots of luck, there are cat people and dog people in the world.

Sooz00

Hi Icey,

I'm so sorry you feel this way. When pups start to get into their adolescent phase, it can be hard work. German Shorthaired Pointers though, are wonderful dogs and I can see why you would have been drawn toward them. They generally have fantastic temperaments, are very loyal and love people. The counterside is that nevertheless they are a breed designed to work and particularly if Chester descends from German lines, can have a very strong prey drive/hunting instinct.

My GSP is 3 years old now and has really 'grown up' over the last six months. It's usual for adolescence to last 2-3 years with a GSP. For info, my pointer lives with our other dog, plus a foster dog and a good few cats without any issues so with the right training/interactions GSPs and cats can work.

It sounds like things are quite strained so I think your and your DH need to have an honest conversation about whether Chester is the right dog for you. If you can commit to a lot more exercise, more training and redirecting his energies into something more productive, then in time it could work. However, it wont be instantaneous and do remember he's got another 2 years or so until he's a mature dog. If you want to go down this route, look for a good trainer who has experience with these breeds. I know of a very good trainer near Stevenage in Hertfordshire who works with a lot of GSPs but I have no idea where you are in the country.

Alternatively, if you feel you can't commit to the time/exercise/training a GSP needs, have a discussion with your OH about finding Chester a home that can fulfil his needs. I would very much recommend breed rescue as they will be specialised in fulfilling the needs of the breed and most prospective owners will be very experienced with the breed. Having previously fostered for GSP Rescue would recommend giving Sarah a call. I don't want to post her details here but PM me if you want to or check the rescue's website:

http://gsprescuesw.freeforums.org/

If you decide you do want to try and make things work with Chester and need some support, GSP rescue might be able to offer some advice. If you choose to look at rehoming, there is usually an option for Chester to stay with you so you can meet a prospective new owner and he goes home-to-home. Alternatively, if you are struggling, an experienced foster home would be an option for him.

I wish you all luck with the decision - feel free to PM me if can be any help.

krlyr

Sooz has posted some great advice, just to say that if you're after a behaviourist or a trainer, use the APBC or APDT websites to help find local websites who use modern, fair methods, rather than outdated "dominance theory" training.
Lots of dog owners have been in the position you're in, even when it's not their first dog, and it's fab that you're questioning things rather than just trundling on unhappy or just chucking the dog outside as a quick fix. I think everyone has given great advice and you just need to make the decision on whether you perservere, get some expert help in and really try to make things work, or admit that you've bitten off more than you can chew and find a more suitable home for Chester.
Btw, for some immediately relief on the pulling on walks, you could consider a headcollar. They work similarly to a headcollar on a horse, giving you control of the dog. Some designs are better than others, the Halti is probably the most well-known but there's the Gentle Leader, the Canny Collar, the Dogmatic, and so on. The idea is to introduce it to the dog slowly so they tolerate it, if you look up "introducing gentle leader" on Youtube then there's a video on there that would apply to any of the other brands too. Very helpful with a big strong dog, even just temporarily whilst you continue to train him to walk without pulling, and it may take a bit of the stress out of the situation.

Shadowstar

Have you actually done any training with the dog? You hubby telling you the dog will "calm down" is not necessarily true, if Chester is never taught how you want him to behave he'll carry on doing what is working to get him what he wants. Many people focus on what they DON'T want the dog to do but never think to teach it what they DO want it to do. And good behaviour is often not rewarded while bad behaviour gets the dog attention.

Victoria Stilwells site (I can't post links but if you google Victoria Stilwell positively the top link should be it) has a lot of good advice on the forums both for new dog owners and those of us who take on an adult dog with behavioural issues and find ourselves overwhelmed and in tears. You're not the only person whose struggled with a dog. If you want to make this work though you do need to be willing to put the effort in and realise that it will take time, nobody can wave a magic wand unfortunately.

gunsandbanjos

Sorry, i know this is a serious thread but i glanced at the title and thought it said ' how do i tell my husband that i ate the dog ':o

**Gets my coat...

tango

I have a 7 month old GSP and she is hard work. Gun dogs use their mouth alot but she knows what is too much ,she now gets on very well with my two cats,but that has taken time and patience.

We researched the breed well and picked that breed, because they generally do not suffer with too many health ailments and are very intelligent.

We walk her at least three times a day two of those off lead she is a black gazelle jumping everything and so beautiful to watch.

She has taught us so much and it was b loody hard in the first few months,like a child it is routine routine,she goes to bed at 10.30pm and wakes when we do ,never leave her later than 7.30am.

Strict but firm ,and if you can't give a GSP exercise it won't improve or get better

x

Icey77

Thankyou everyone for your replies, I was honestly expecting to be lectured and told that I shouldn't be allowed to have a husband, cat or dog under any circumstances

DH came home last night and we had a chat, he now knows how unhappy I am with the situation. He told me that I am his world and his priority. He wants to give Chester a fair chance so we are going to keep him for the foreseeable future, I will be arranging for Chester and I to be assessed by a local traiing school and hopefully be placed in a suitable class for basic training.

We have some basics in place at the moment - sit, lie down (sometimes), come (when there's nothing more exciting) but need to work on his recall properly and I would like to get his heel work improved and perhaps some fetching.

DH arranged the training we've had so far, we had a 1:1 day where the improvement was amazing. We got the feeding routine, sit and down sorted and it has stayed.

He has had diahorrea for the last few days so we have been giving him plain rice and chicken in an attempt to clear it, we think perhaps this is contributing to his behaviour - poorly kids will act up and Chester is a kid still really!

In an ideal world I'd like to get to a place where we can enjoy walks, an agility class perhaps and also some quiet times. Also an unattacked cat! I culd still be wearing the rose-tinted glasses to imagine this can be achieved but will try.

The ultimate plan was to have Chester for a year or so before babies came along and everyone we asked said this was the right way to do things - we did do research contrary to what it sounds like, honest! I would be at home on maternity leave and would be able to go out more in the day with Chester than presently.

I still feel horribly guilty that I am at a point where we are not providing the best environment for Chester, or Snoop (the cat) for that matter. I will do my best for them but if it turns out to be not good enough I hope that we will be able to find him a loving home where he will be happier.

I will provide an update after the weekend when I know what is what regarding the training classes.

Thanks!
Icey x