How can I tell my Husband that I hate the dog?

Icey77

Evening All,

Looking for a little advice or new suggestions here.

DH and I have been married 2 months, we live together and had a cat before we got married and all was fine and dandy. I grew up with cats so know what they need and am comfortable meeting those needs.

DH desperately wanted a dog, he lost 2 dogs previously with relationship breakups, 1 stayed with the Ex and 1 went back to the breeder to find a new home. He really, really, really wanted a dog so I said OK ... I told him I hadn't had a dog before and that I am a confirmed cat person. He accepted that I was worried but reassured me all would be OK and "sold" me on the idea of long walks and fun games with a loyal pooch.

DH works shifts while I work office hours. We arranged for Chester (that's the dog BTW) to have visits from a dog sitter once or twice a day depending on DH shifts and how they fitted in with my office hours.

Well, 7 weeks later and I hate the dog. My home is like the Kryton Factor with baby gates on the stairs, living room and dining room doors. It has become a battle of wills with the dog every day that I am on my own with him and I usually lose.

I try very hard to be consistent, but find being "mouthed" (I call it being bitten but there we go!) all the time, being jumped up at and being dragged along the road on a walk draining. I am usually in tears of frustration by 8pm and find myself screaming at the dog and pushing him off when he jumps up at me or the counters when I;m trying to cook.

My poor cat has been banished to the upstairs and apartheid rules - the cat can go out when the dog is the crate or asleep otherwise the dog grabs the cat and tries to shake the life out of it.

DH and I both agree that in hindsight (wonderful thing isn't it!) that we'd not have got him and just stuck with the cat.

How can I tell my Husband that I loathe the dog and want to have my life back. I keep bringing up that I am worried about having a newborn baby (we're TTC) and the maniac dog and he just tells me it will be OK, the dog will calm down but if I can't cope the dog will ahve to go.

Quite honestly, I find myself plotting ways to get rid of the dog. I would NEVER EVER act on them but find myself desperately wishing he wasn't here.

If you've got this far, I'm sorry for the rambling rant ... any suggestions/ideas would be gratefully received.

Icey xx

4nnabella

Aah bless hun, I really feel for you!

We have two cats, also TTC (in a NTNP way) and my OH is desperate for a dog! I have managed to hold him off so far, one of our cats is very timid and if we got a dog then we'd probably never see him again! I've always had cats, never had a dog (but my OH did when he was younger) but have an idea of how much hard work they are compared to cats.

What kind of dog is Chester? I'm assuming he's still very much in the 'playful puppy' stage? Is puppy training an option (not that I'm suggesting he's not trained, but your post suggests that Chester isn't sure of where he fits into the family hierarchy yet)?

Money_maker

Icey77 wrote: »

I try very hard to be consistent, but find being "mouthed" (I call it being bitten but there we go!) all the time, being jumped up at

the cat can go out when the dog is the crate or asleep otherwise the dog grabs the cat and tries to shake the life out of it.

TBH, if you are TTC, I would be quite worried about bringing a little one into this fiasco.

How old is the dog - is it a pup where he can be trained easily or a rescue dog?

Icey77

He's a 5 month old German Shorthaired Pointer ... a working dog.

I am torn between trying to take him to classes and get some more training into him and feeling that I won't really ever bond with him as I prefer the cat!

I make sure I take him for a walk every day when I get home from work but the battle of wills coupled with the fact we are awake from 5am every day cos he's shouting for breakfast is really getting me down.

DH is worried for when he has to work nights and try to sleep in teh daytime - Chester is clever and know's he's upstairs so will be yelling for company.

I'm feeling very guilty, the "a dog is for life, not just for christmas" line is making me keep trying every day but when I have teeth marks in my arm for the umpteeth time and I have my clothes ripped and a headach from being barked at non stop for 20 minutes I want to be rid of him.

geri1965_2

Is he trying to kill the cat or just playing? If we got a dog and it tried to hurt my cats, I would have to get rid. Most dogs and cats living in the same household that I know of seem to get along fine.

You can probably have some kind of training to stop his bad behaviour, like you see on the TV.

If he is marking your skin and tearing your clothes, that is quite serious.

*Robin*

Oh dear, sorry to hear you feel this way about your new dog. You don't say what age or breed Chester is, but I'm guessing he's a puppy?
In which case, he's probably bored witless by being left alone when you're both at work, and desperately in need of attention and stimulation when you are at home. A dog-sitter dropping in briefly during the day is unlikely to be enough for him.
Are you going to training classes? That would really help you both. And I suspect Chester needs more exercise than he's getting.

If you could tell us a bit more about Chester it would help, as different breeds do behave and respond in varying ways (for example, if I treated my huskies as if they were poodles the result would be a blood-bath!).

ETA: Ah, I see Chester is a five month old pointer. Oh dear. I'm very, very sorry to say that I don't think this breed will be happy left to his own devices so much, and with no work to occupy him. He should have started going to training classes as soon as he'd had his jabs, and if you want to keep him, please please start classes straight away (- this weekend?).

To be honest, in your position I would call the breeder and see if they can help you find a working home for Chester. That would be the best solution for him, and probably for your poor cat who is in some danger.

Later on, if your husband is still keen on having a dog, why not go and visit your local shelter? Explain your circumstances honestly, and I'm sure they'll be able to match you up with an older, calmer dog who will be happy to stay at home alone, who'll be friends with your cat and eventually, who you can trust in the same household as a baby.

whitewing

I would personally pick the best moment you can (not when you are at the end of your tether), and tell your OH honestly how you feel. That doesn't mean insisting you get rid, but that you don't know how to handle the dog effectively and you need help, or whatever the exact situation is.

I once told me DH something I thought would really upset him but he was fine about it. My worry about upsetting him made it ten times worse.

If you don't discuss gently with him soon, you will flip and out it will all pour in a torrent of frustration.

Money_maker

Since the German shorthaired pointer was developed to be a dog suited to family life as well as a versatile hunter, the correct temperament is that of an intelligent, bold, and characteristically affectionate dog that is cooperative and easily trained. They rank 17th in Stanley Coren's The Intelligence of Dogs, being excellent working dogs. Shyness, fearfulness, over submissiveness, aloofness, lack of biddability, or aggression (especially toward humans) are all traits that can occur, but are more less likely to exhibit than not. The GSP is usually good with children, although care should be taken because the breed can be boisterous especially when young. These dogs love interaction with humans and are suitable pets for active families who will give them an outlet for their considerable energy; in this regard some competitively trained GSPs are walking dynamos; they must be avidly run multiple times a week. Most German shorthaired pointers make excellent watchdogs. The breed generally gets along well with other dogs, though females appear to be much more dominant during interbreed interaction. A strong hunting instinct is correct for the breed, which is not always good for other small pets such as cats or rabbits. With training, however, the family dog should be able to discern what is prey and what is not, and they can live quite amicably with other family pets.
The German shorthaired pointer needs plenty of vigorous activity. This need for exercise (preferably off lead) coupled with the breed's natural instinct to hunt, means that training is an absolute necessity. The GSP distinctly independent character and superior intelligence mean that any unused energy will likely result in the dog amusing itself, most probably in an undesirable manner.I][URL="http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/wiki/Wikipedia:Citation_needed"][COLOR=#0645ad]citation needed[/COLOR][/URL][/I
Failure by the owner to give this active and intelligent dog sufficient exercise and/or proper training can produce a German shorthaired pointer that appears hyperactive or that has destructive tendencies. Thus the breed is not a suitable pet for an inactive home or for inexperienced dog owners. Although these dogs form very strong attachments with their owners, a bored GSP that receives insufficient exercise may feel compelled to exercise himself. These dogs are athletic and can escape from four foot and sometimes six foot enclosures with little difficulty. Regular hunting, running, carting, bikejoring, skijoring, mushing, dog scootering or other vigorous activity can alleviate this desire to escape. The natural instinct to hunt may result in the dog hunting alone and sometimes bringing home occasional dead trophies, such as cats, rats, pigeons and other urban animals. In addition to exercise, especially formal hunting, the GSP needs to be taught to distinguish legitimate prey and off limits animals.

A little quote from wikipedia, maybe a little information to help you decide what to do.

mutter

Icey77 wrote: »

Evening All,

DH and I both agree that in hindsight (wonderful thing isn't it!) that we'd not have got him and just stuck with the cat.

Ask the breeder if they'll take him back, or get in touch with the breed club or rescues.
He's still young enough to be an attractive proposition for a prospective owner.

If the novelty of having a dog has worn off after only seven weeks, imagine how life is going to be when you've got a seven year old dog that has spent his life bored stupid, being treated like a nuisance, getting his walks from strangers and being shoved in a crate when it all gets too much.

It's not fair on any of you.

You don't need some big emotional scene where you declare your hate of the dog, you've already talked about how he's disrupted your lives and how your lifestyle isn't suited to owning a dog, so do something about it before the dog is too old to be of interest to a potential new owner.


Edited to add -
I'm not very familiar with the breed, so I had a quick look at the Breed Club website and found this -

A German Shorthaired Pointer by it's very breeding for a highly difficult and complex number of expectations, is not going to be a norm within the gundog group. They have been bred to work outside in all weathers, eight hours a day, seven days a week, and some of them are capable of doing just that. They need plenty of varied exercise, they need human love and companionship and they need occupying. They are very like children and are slow to mature, some never do, and their adolescence can be very trying. They are physically strong dogs with strong wills and need consistent handling from the cradle to the grave. Discipline with a capital D and Training with a capital T often stifles the initiative and can produce hard headed dogs. Many are like a piece of elastic, the harder you pull your end the further away the other end becomes. .............................If shut outside or inside for long periods on their own they can become very noisy and destructive. They can also use their considerable enterprise and initiative to escape in order to find the company, exercise and interest that they need.
Before taking one on be very sure that all members of your family are equally keen. Are you young, strong and patient? Do you love long walks? Live within easy reach of the countryside or a large park? This is not the breed for the elderly, no matter how active, and young children can get knocked about by a young thoughtless dog.

http://www.gsp.org.uk/breed_standard.htm

hethmar

Not fair on any of you, including the poor dog - find him a more suitable home.

Oog

Poor Icey!
I feel your pain. My boyfriend moved in with his three dogs last year to join me and my two cats. We have a very similar set up (stair gates and all) and I also had no dog experience. I know exactly how you feel!

So you basically have two options. Where did Chester come from? Can he be returned easily? And easily rehomed?

Or, like me, you can decide not to be beaten by a hound (3 hounds in my case). If you're going to give it a go here are my suggestions!
Firstly, explain to OH that this is the last chance to make things work with the dog so you both have to try 100% (or else it's option 1).
Read all the books you can, watch Victoria Stillwell, Cesar, etc, and gather good tips which you can (both) employ. My best tip was reward good behaviour (always have treats) at the time it happens. Some techniques won't work so just use the ones that do for you and Chester. (For example one of our dogs isn't fussed about food treats when excited as rewards...tennis balls, however are a different matter! I can now get all manner of tricks for a green fluffy rubber sphere.)
And lastly, go to training and keep doing it at home. We took each one separately (9am Sundays - bleurgh!) for one to one time as I was determined to get to the poochy paradise of gentle perambulation that I had also been promised rather than the pull around the park!!

I hope that helps and good luck, whatever you decide!