Used to be the life of the party but now can't be bothered with people at all really.

soup

......and what next, not washing, not shaving your legs, buying a cat as a substitute, where will it end ?

tizerbelle

KiKi wrote: »

Perhaps you're just happier with your own company!

I'm perfectly happy with my life - I live alone, I work alone and I don't have a partner. I'm self-employed, I have my own hobbies - but I prefer to be alone, and do my hobbies alone. I do see friends sometimes, but I'm not that fussed. I could go for weeks, probably months, without seeing anyone. I also switch off my phone or FB so that I don't get drawn into conversations!

Apart from the self-employed bit, that's pretty much me and I'm completely happy with my life.

Upto 4/5 years ago I used to be out with friends at least twice a week, I was in a job that involved travelling from one end of the country to the other and resulted in long hours and rarely had the much espoused "me" time. And I was exhausted but kept living life that way because it was the done thing, it was expected that, that was the way you lived life. You know what, I ended up battling with depression - it was the wrong lifestyle for me.

So an opportunity to change my life arose (redundancy) and this was one of the best things ever to happen to me. I moved from my home of 20 years back to the village I grew up in. I don't go out socialising now - pub / meals out etc - I've probably been out once a year in the past 4 years. I'm perfectly content if I don't have visitors in the evening / at the weekend. I get on well with my neighbours and will stop and chat with them in the street but that's as far as it goes, there are people I meet when walking the dog and often we'll stop and chat, I have a natter to shop-staff etc and people at work but at the end of the day I like to come home and it just be me, big dog and demon cat.

So if you are content with your lifestyle, enjoy it. If friends say it's not the way you were though just remind them you're not the same as you were, you have grown up and are living life the way you want. It might not be to their taste but it's yours and if they want to stay as part of your life then they need to accept it and respect it.

OrkneyStar

I did my going out a lot when I was younger. Now I do things occasionally, visit people etc, but really am quite happy with my own/my families company tbh. The thing relationships and friendships is that they are not always fun, fun, fun, and it is sometimes worthwhile making a bit more effort for long-term gain, so although I am happy as a home-body, I do make some effort to speak to and care about other people, as I believe that is important also.
It would perhaps do no harm to visit your GP and raise your concerns, just in case, put your mind at rest.

ceridwen

On the other hand - another possibility is that you no longer like the company of the same type of people that you once did - but DO still like the company of people per se (ie a different type of person).

When I was younger - then I was okay in a "wider range of company". These days though - I prefer to be with more likeminded people. Thus - I am happy to be in a group of people who are intelligent/"liberal"/reasonably socially conscious/generally "aware"....but would find little in common with ones who arent that intelligent (not being derogatory to them - but we'd both "struggle"...) and/or never let a conscience influence any decisions they make (but just think "I want - so therefore I will have and blow whether its right or wrong to have whatever-it-is" - and will take it anyway regardless).

I dont mind so much if people "do the wrong thing" - as long as they have at least thought about whether its okay to do so/are trying to "make amends" in other ways if they've gone ahead and done it anyway (even though they know its wrong) iyswim. Because I'm aware we are all human - and will sometimes "do the selfish thing" - rather than "the right thing".

So - if they still use airplanes/have a third child/etc....then its not so bad if they are trying to at least "balance out" by doing some socially responsible voluntary work or giving away surplus income or something.

Mainly - I want the company of people who "think" about their lives (that phrase "the unexamined life is not worth living" or whatever the exact wording is....) - rather than just leading a bog-standard "same as everyone else" and not even thinking about any aspect of it type life.

So - maybe thats what it is with you. Perhaps you are now looking to have the company of rather different type of people to what you have been used to in the past...

ali-t

Jeez OP, I think you are ME! Like yourself I was always life and soul of the party. I now prefer a much slower pace of life (although am always busy but need the recuperation time now) and my friends are always saying I behave like a pensioner not someone in my mid30's lol.

For me, it is just the way it has to be just now. I have a demanding F/T job, am studying P/T, planning a house move, have lots of committments so when it comes to the weekend - spending 2 days in bed sleeping off a hangover doesn't really appeal. I rarely drink, can't be doing with nightclubs anymore and am single but still so flipping busy.

I would be quite happy being a lighthouse keeper just for a bit of peace and quiet but do occassionally think that maybe I need to put myself 'out there' more, find a long term partner have children (gulp - pretty sure I don't want this) because that is the social norm. Then on second thoughts, hell no. I have always been a selfish cow and don't plan to change that just to keep with social norms!

so, no real advice for you but I totally identify with you.

flippin36

I'm another who is happier with her own company. Its not depression or a phobia in anyway shape or form. In fact is the opposite I'm happier being self reliant, which I think happens to many of us as we get older. Having children has made me less sociable, mainly because I like the company of my family (so I have no need to socialise outside the home) and also because I don't have the same energy as I used to. If you are worried there is something wrong with you because you are different to how you used to be then put that thought away because you are fine. If you are worried because its stopping you from living a full and happy life and doing the things you want to do (ie new job) then maybe some counselling might be worth its weight in gold, talk to your gp you might get a referral.

needanewjob

Thank God I stumbled across this thread. I thought there was something wrong with me! I don't have any true 'friends', merely people I pass the time of day with, and I like it like that. I spent more than 15 years in my last job, until I got made redundant, now I'm applying for jobs and the thought of having to get to know new colleagues terrifies me. I'm quite happy pottering around at home while my dd's at school and dh at work. Dare I say it, I'm not too upset about not working at the moment.

Jacks_xxx

Primarni wrote: »

I'm better in a group than one to one I think. It's not all on me if I'm just part of the group. Although I do think my friends still expect me to be a rip roaring party girl and that's not who I am any more.

I don't *feel* depressed. I just don't feel as if I have the emotional resources or energy to deal with people all the time. They exhaust me and stress me out.

I feel a bit like that. I feel under pressure to be interesting when I go out, :D and sometimes I just can't generate the will to get dressed up, do my hair and make up, drag my ageing and reluctant carcass to the bar or restaurant, sparkle all evening - and then deal with the whole taxi and train kerfuffle at the end of the night.

My job is dealing with people, my volunteer work is dealing with people, I have reached the stage in life where I have a teenager who has the usual trials and tribulations and who is doing GCSEs at the moment, plus elderly relations who are facing challenges too , friends who are dealing with serious illnesses and friends who have been recently bereaved and whom I would like to help if I can only think of how.

Books from my local library and LoveFilm are my fun times!

I still enjoy dancing my @r$e off now and then, but an evening spent taaaaaallllllking (taking it in tuns to moan)feels like hard work just typing it.

I'm not depressed, there's just only so much I can handle before I need some quiet time.

That whole work hard play hard thing never worked for me really. It just made me knackered. Alcohol makes me feel tired, pretty shoes hurt and make me grumpy. Shouting over the music makes me hoarse and asthmatic. Spending the money makes me feel guilty. Eating restaurant meals makes me fat...

I'm so grumpy aren't I? :rotfl: Those Grumpy Old Women have got nothing on me! :rotfl:

Oh yeah. on the subject of mobile phones: I haven't got one.

People think I'm deranged. How does a person even function in this day and age without one?

Mainly, I don't want one. The money to buy and run one would have to be taken away from something I do want. It's not as if I'm incommunicado. I do have a landline, email, Facebook and a front door.

You're not alone chick. There's a Grumpy Young Men programme isn't there? perhaps they should do a grumpy young women one too!

sweetme

I echo most people on this thread. I used to love going out, socialising, having friends round and I know I have changed. I can't be bothered with going out and pubs or clubs and am more than happy to sit in my own company. I am self employed and work alone too, and am happier working this way. Maybe it is just growing up, I don't know, I do know I like it like this though .

Primarni

Thanks so much everybody. You've made me feel much less of a freak!

I don't think I'm depressed or have social phobia, I just think my priorities have changed. I don't want to put the bulk of my time, energy, and money into my social life any more. i want to direct my energies at more important things, like getting on in my career, and getting a toehold on the property ladder. Maybe I *am* growing up?

Maybe there's just a limit to how many people I can properly care about? I have a boyfriend, sisters, nieces and nephews, godchildren and parents. Maybe that's enough people to love?

Perhaps I *don't* have much in common with many of my friends these days? The girls all moan about their OHs like they're the worst man in existence, but stay with them of course and the boys are all about the nostalgia and reminiscing, but we're too young to be harking back to our glory days already. Doing that is like saying life is over. The Bloodhound Gang – The Bad Touch is not the greatest song of all time. Ditto for All The Small Things, and if I thought the mosh pit at Gorky's Zygotic Mynci or Sleater-Kinney was the high point of my life I'd give up now.

It would be weirder if I hadn't changed since I was 17 or something wouldn't it? :eek:

I'm going to stop worrying about it anyway. I'm cool with the direction my life is taking, everybody else will have to adjust.