not happy but don't know what to do (sorry, long)

whitewing

I don't think you like him much and I don't think you like yourself much. I think you should work on liking yourself. Ignore your issues with the relationship for now, and work on what you can do to make you happy (which does not involve him changing at the moment). Focus on yourself. This is about self respect not selfishness.

Then at a later date he can either shape up or ship out. Neither of you has much respect for anything at the moment from the sound of it. I wouldn't want a relationship like that but it doesn't mean it has to be over.

scooby088

I have said before on these forums that to change for someone else only brings resentment for the person, OP you feel down on yourself you are overweight why don't you funnel some of your wages into a gym membership, and then sorting your issues with food, i think in the end you need to change. If i were with someone like you then i'd have walked years ago( sorry for being harsh)

SavingPennies_2

It sounds like you dont like him, you dont want to be with him but you are scared to be on your own and lose the flat he helps pay for. That is not a reason to stay in a relationship. It's scary being on your own but it can be liberating and can make you stonger person for it. At the moment are wasting his and your time if you are really that unhappy. He won't change, at least not while you are enabling his behaviour. Have you considered that the reason he acts the way he does is because he is equally unhappy with you?

bedazzled_and_bemused

Wow, I've always had a chuckle at people who post on here and then complain when they don't hear what they want to hear, but people can be harsh! If I had read some of these posts earlier on today I would probably be chucking myself under a train on the way home tonight. So thanks to everyone who's pointed out that I am an evil b!tch who doesn't deserve a boyfriend and will probably die alone because I am so bitter and twisted. You've made me realise how lucky I am to be in a relationship with someone who has normal expectations of their partner and doesn't expect that there won't be low days and high days. For what it's worth, he loves me and he thinks I'm beautiful, he tells me everyday. So there's a plus for him, thanks for reminding me of that.

Those that said leave, thank you too, as I said before you've made me realise I really don't want this to end, not because I'm too scared to leave but because I geniunly think that things can change and we can be happy together.

I have been feeling very low the last couple of days, but you guys have made me realise that things could be worse, i could be bitter like some of you.

SavingPennies_2

People on here dont know you or your relationship, they can only go by your post. Re-read your OP carefully and you might see why people have posted what they have.

pozalina

OP, I agree it is hard to be on the receiving end, I experienced that once on this forum myself! People are only hearing one side of a story as you are obviously only posting about the problems and omitting the good stuff. People are also able to be more blunt on here than in real life, but that can also be a plus. As you said yourself:

bedazzled_and_bemused wrote: »

If I were reading this about someone else I would think, why doesn't she leave?

I'm glad you are taking something from all responses, even if it is not what was intended by the poster. In the end only you know the reality of your situation and you have to decide what to do with the rest of your life.

balletshoes

bedazzled_and_bemused wrote: »

Wow, I've always had a chuckle at people who post on here and then complain when they don't hear what they want to hear, but people can be harsh! If I had read some of these posts earlier on today I would probably be chucking myself under a train on the way home tonight.
So thanks to everyone who's pointed out that I am an evil b!tch who doesn't deserve a boyfriend and will probably die alone because I am so bitter and twisted.
You've made me realise how lucky I am to be in a relationship with someone who has normal expectations of their partner and doesn't expect that there won't be low days and high days. For what it's worth, he loves me and he thinks I'm beautiful, he tells me everyday. So there's a plus for him, thanks for reminding me of that.

Those that said leave, thank you too, as I said before you've made me realise I really don't want this to end, not because I'm too scared to leave but because I geniunly think that things can change and we can be happy together.

I have been feeling very low the last couple of days, but you guys have made me realise that things could be worse, i could be bitter like some of you.

I don't remember reading anything like that in any reply here?

Plans_all_plans

I wouldn't stay with someone I didn't like or respect just cos I had a nice flat to live in!!

Is he horrible and sarcastic to you too? Could he be the reason behind your weight gain and lack of confidence?

After 8 years together I'd be thinking "where's this going?" If he can't act like an adult I'd get shot of him.

majikatt

Hiya,

Been trying to PM you but it doesnt seem to be going through.

Ignore everyone b*tchy because they seriously arent going to help - and nor are you going to want to just "up and leave him".

I have been in your situation - not like that wierd lady who is obviously brainwashed to stay with her husband but YOUR situation (one like it). So if you want a chat, because I know it helps to rant and have someone who understands, just send me a PM

If I can help in any way then I will Don't feel low, there are people here who want to help.

And to the previous posters - being horrid and short isnt helping, its just mean. Its no "shot of reality" and I seriously doubt she is staying with him because of the nice flat, how stupid to say such a thing. She loves him, despite his faults, but his faults are getting her down. If you can't say something nice....

B

vik6525

bedazzled_and_bemused wrote: »

Wow, I've always had a chuckle at people who post on here and then complain when they don't hear what they want to hear, but people can be harsh! If I had read some of these posts earlier on today I would probably be chucking myself under a train on the way home tonight. So thanks to everyone who's pointed out that I am an evil b!tch who doesn't deserve a boyfriend and will probably die alone because I am so bitter and twisted. You've made me realise how lucky I am to be in a relationship with someone who has normal expectations of their partner and doesn't expect that there won't be low days and high days. For what it's worth, he loves me and he thinks I'm beautiful, he tells me everyday. So there's a plus for him, thanks for reminding me of that.

Those that said leave, thank you too, as I said before you've made me realise I really don't want this to end, not because I'm too scared to leave but because I geniunly think that things can change and we can be happy together.

I have been feeling very low the last couple of days, but you guys have made me realise that things could be worse, i could be bitter like some of you.

So what you whinging about then?
Cause what Ive highlighted there is NOTHING like what you wrote in your original post. Nothing at all.