Teenage Son

Mojisola

pigpen wrote: »

Not all 17 y/o's are like the OP's either.. but look how many have said theirs are/were the same..

Maybe your son does what most offspring do when mummy is visiting.. and run about like maniacs cleaning so she doesn't moan and wipe her feet on the way out!

No, they just don't like living in a mess.

vik6525

Sadmum wrote: »

Thanks for the responses everyone. They've given me food for thought, and also put things into perspective.

It isn't just the kitchen, his rooms a mess, and he really does leave a trail of destruction wherever he's been,. It's the kitchen that really BOTHERS me. When I get home from work and can't find a clean cup or spoon to have a cuppa.

Anyway I will try to devise a plan of action from the advice received, and have now realised that there is light at the end of the tunnel. (He will grow out of it or leave home eventually).

Thanks to everyone who replied.

From the little amount of information you've given, I have to say, your son sounds like a good (but messy!) kid. he made a mess cause he cooked his girlfriend some dinner? fair play to the lad, thats a lovely thing to do!
it sounds as if his priorities are just different to your is all.
If I was in your position, I wouldnt come down too hard on him. Ask yourself if some messy dishes are worth creating a war over? Because I really dont think they are....

gonzo127

if its the kitchen maybe take a bit of a extream measure, get one or two of your cuboards and put locks on them, then this is where you keep 'your' clean dishes, just enough to do the basics such as cup of tea bowl of cerial etc, if nothings availible go into your cuboards, use what you need, clean them and only them up, and put back in locked cuboard, then the next time he wants to cook he has no clean dishes to use so has to either wash them up before he uses them or go hungry

birkee

Fairly simple I'm sure.
You stop doing his cooking, washing, ironing, bed changing etc.
He needs to get the message that if he makes work, he does it himself. Tell him that you're doing it though, and why.

And don't we ALL have the answer to someone elses kid's problems?

Mojisola

birkee wrote: »

And don't we ALL have the answer to someone elses kid's problems?

It is often easier to see the answer to someone else's problems because outsiders look at the problem objectively. It's harder to see your way through the upset, hurt and emotions that surround many issues. Just one reason why MSE is such a useful website!

diable

If he is going to start treating your house like a hotel then start charging him for the roof over his head and the food, make sure its enough for a cleaner and a night out for yourself, or you could look him straight in the eye and say to him "I've had enough you little !!!!!! if you don't pull your weight then you are out of here, UNDERSTAND, I give you one week and your clothes are in bin liners in the front garden and the locks changed.

In two days sit near your son phoning locksmiths and buy a load of bin liners ;o)))))

ellay864

If you want to play dirty flipping a trip switch while he's in the middle of his fave computer game or watching his favourite programme can be good...removing the plug...hiding phone chargers. I never had the nerve though to resort to my friend's tactics...she emptied her 'fancy undies' drawer onto her sons bed so it was all on view when he arrived back with his mates...15 yr old lads apparently find that hilarious if they're the mates, mortifying if the son :rotfl:

LillythePink

Does his gf come around often?

You could always try and shame him into doing his own clearing up by putting a reward chart up etc - take it down to his level and make sure that it's up for when his gf next comes around!

onlyroz

I'd suggest going on strike. Buy yourself some paper plates (which you keep hidden away in your room) for yourself to use, and don't cook or wash anything else up in the mean time - or do any laundry, or hoovering. See how long young-sir puts up with it.

shy-but-need-help

I say go on strike too, he needs to know you're not going to keep doing everything because you plain and simple do not have the time.

I also think you need to change mindset- you seem to be looking at it like you're duty bound because you are his mom and he's a child, I think you need to start looking at it with the fact that at 17 he has less than a year before he's a legal adult. Adults shouldn't need mothering- supporting and encouraging yes, mothering, not so much.

My mom was fabulous- did absolutely everything, let my sister and I walk around like lady muck, not lifting a finger, believing fairies did the cleaning and mom was meant to cook for us (and yes, as a mother of five I now feel horrendous for treating her with such liberty) but believe me it did me NO favours at all, at 18 I had my own daughter and found myself moving out and going overnight from being motherED to being mothER and "housewife" and it was so, so hard, such a culture shock that I really wish my mom had been cruel to be kind and made us learn to stand on our own feet earlier in our teens as it was really hard to go from being pampered to having to be entirely independant with no gradual transition.

You might feel cruel sticking to your guns but in the long run you'll be doing him a favour.

(for what it's worth as a result I've taken a much more active approach to making my kids as independant as is reasonable for their ages)