Teenage Son

Sadmum

Hi guys looking for some advice please.

My son is 17 and going to college for 18 hours a week. I work full time and am also juggling an open uni course.

My son is soooooooo lazy, he was not brought up to be this way, but that's the way it is at present.

I have spoken to him lots of times about his lazyness but am not getting through to him.

The main problems I am having is coming home from work to his mess - a kitchen that is filthy and a sinkful of pots - and an empty fridge & freezer.

On Monday I came home to the same mess after he had cooked his girlfriend some dinner, I asked him to make sure he sorted out the mess before he went out, but he went out anyway.. whilst I was on the phone.

When he came back later I told him he couldn't stay because I've had enough.

I am in utter turmoil I love my son, but cannot live with constant mess.

Sorry for long post - can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks

vik6525

You told him he couldnt stay? As in, you're kicking him out??
You're kicking your child out because he didnt wash some pans? Seriously??

Alikay

Of course you didn't bring him up to be lazy....17 year old boys are instinctively so!!

Have you tried getting him downstairs and making him tidy up his mess? Our DS2 (also 17) is a bit like this, so if we go out I text when I'm on the way home to give him warning that he needs to get his reesty body out of his room and showered, and tidy up any major messes he's made.

If you cleared the mess he left up whilst he was out, what was the point of sending him back out again? I'd have either left it for him to do when he returned or if it was totally unbearable (or we were having visitors) I'd clear it up but create "the mother of all atmospheres" for him when he returned. And he wouldn't be escaping to his mate's!!

Spring_Time

I would just stop doing it. Try your hardest to ignore it and let the washing up, mess etc build up. I did this with the bathroom as I was sick of cleaning up after my 17 year old daughter! Hair extensions moulting, foundation all in the sink...I am sure you can picture the scene! I just pushed through the pain of seeing it lol and now she is handy with a J cloth and some flash spray! She was embarrassed when her friends would be there as they all got ready...as I literally left everything in that room, including wiping over the toilet It took about 3 weeks for a change of heart from her!

Good luck! I feel your pain!

vik6525

Assuming you're not kicking him out completely (I hope to GOD I read that wrong...)

Just take the dirty dishes, and lay them out on his bed, possibly in a jaunty pattern. Keep doing it until he gets the message.

Spring_Time

vik6525 wrote: »

Assuming you're not kicking him out completely (I hope to GOD I read that wrong...)

Just take the dirty dishes, and lay them out on his bed, possibly in a jaunty pattern. Keep doing it until he gets the message.

Hahaha! This is a perfect idea! :T

gonzo127

to be honest the threat of being kicked out is totally meaningless unless you are willing to follow through and as someone has already pointed out seems a little over the top for some messy dishes.

however you do need to put some restrictions in place and inform him of what they are, for example, internet will be cut for a set period or from a set time at night (9pm?) which ever would bother him most, or if you fund him in any fashion withdraw this, always try and make the punishment fit the crime as if you go over the top with them you will only end up loseing any respect he has for 'the rules'

really teenagers generally only react to the rules if there is a clear and defined consiquense in place before the situation arisies, as this also give you the reasonable stance of them knowing the consiquences and still choosing not to do it

Sadmum

Thanks for the responses! I'm very time poor at the moment and very stressed!

It's not a few pots, it's every pot pan, knife fork & cup and saucer, food on the walls the floor and the cooker, and it's every day...

I've offered money, begged, and negotiated all with the same outcome.

'Atmopspheres' don't really work with him I've tried atmospheres as he would just tell me to grow up.

I think that's the root of the problem - he doesn't respect me.

Thanks again.

xstitchcrazee

Unfortunately my now 23 year old son was exactly the same from the age of about 15 through to 18. All he would do is go to college, come home and stay in his room, only coming out for food. He wouldn't even look for a part time job to help himself. By the time he was 18 his Step-Father had seriously had enough of his using the home as a glorified hotel and kicked him out. For him it was the best thing to do, he carried on putting himself through college, found a small scabby flat and got himself a part time job. Unfortunately he lost the flat, but because he had made the effort to get off his bum, his Step-Father allowed him to move back into the family home, where he still is today. It was just the right wake up call he needed.

vik6525

Sadmum wrote: »

Thanks for the responses! I'm very time poor at the moment and very stressed!

It's not a few pots, it's every pot pan, knife fork & cup and saucer, food on the walls the floor and the cooker, and it's every day...

I've offered money, begged, and negotiated all with the same outcome.

'Atmopspheres' don't really work with him I've tried atmospheres as he would just tell me to grow up.

I think that's the root of the problem - he doesn't respect me.

Thanks again.

Like I said then, dump it all in his room, and leave it for him to sort out.
(it may mean you have to eat take out for a while though, but ho hum, he'll soon get the message!!)

diable

Just leave it and don't buy any food for the house and live on eating out for a while until he gets the message.