Those who are waiting to TTC

sarahevie

Feeling really down this week, OH doesn't want another baby as much as I do. We both love our girlies (2 of them) to bits but I would really love another and he's not sure.

I really wanted to TTC in Dec/Jan but may be next year now. I'm 27 with 2 already so I know time is probably on my side, but still soooo frustrating. Lots of births this month amongst friends isn't helping

LittleMoog

Morning all

AF finished now, only 4 days, and quite light throughout, so I think this was probably just a withdrawal bleed. Have got FF set up to look out for signs of OV and track cycle length, so will just have to wait and see how long it takes for the real thing to start.

This was my first cycle of using a Mooncup as well, and it was brilliant! Definitely would recommend them to anyone who's interested, much more comfortable for me than tampons, and I've never got on with towels. It only took me a day to get the hang of it, and the whole experience felt much cleaner and easier than i remembered. Plus v MSE as I would probably have used a whole box of tampons per period normally, but one mooncup should last me for years :money: (although hopefully I'll have no need of it for most of next year.

My best friend came over after work on Friday (we work in the same department) and I'd forgotten that DH had been reading the Tommy's preparing for pregnancy book on Thursday night, so as soon as we walked in the front room, there it was on the sofa! She got so excited, and I had to explain that we're not trying yet, but I still got the 3rd degree over when we will be trying etc. I was trying to keep it quiet (although I tell her everything else) as I know that if she knows I'm pg before 12 weeks she'll really struggle not to let slip at work I'll already have to tell my boss, as I'll need to come out of the lab asap, but I don't want it to be general knowledge in case of mc

Magicboo

I know what you mean LittleMoog, I have a friend at work who I will probably end up tell before the 12 weeks, but I'm also so worried about people guessing because of my change in behaviour so I've started to change my ways already so no one suspects e.g. drinking decaff tea and not drinking coffee anymore (:coffee:miss my coffee )! I'm also worried that if it happens quickly, when it gets to our Christmas party, I won't be able to drink, but won't be able to tell anyone either so people will definately be suspicious as I'm defiantly not one of the more "sober people on a works doo!
Have a good Monday all xx

Lara44

Hey Everyone

I've been lurking on this thread a little bit lately. I see a few familiar faces - helloo! I just got married a few weeks ago and would secretly love to have a little honeymoon baby. But I'm only halfway through a PhD. I managed to get some funding, but I don't think there's any money for maternity leave. OH is freelance so his income really varies. We don't have any debt except student loans, but we have a big mortgage (Londoners ). If I were to suspend my studies it would have a big financial impact on us, although we could scrape by it would be a lot of pressure on OH.

If we were to wait until I was in a stable job with maternity leave - that's about 5 years away I'm 29 and i just feel like time is ticking away. My PhD is specialising in telecomms in developing countries, so any great job would likely be far away from home. OH doesn't want to move, which complicates things further! If he moves he has to start his business all over again with new clients, and he has spent 5 years building a career he really loves.

Although I'd love to be trying for a baby now, it just doesn't feel like it's the right time due to all these external factors. Should I just re-assess in a year and see if things have changed? I am very impatient! Anyone else in the same boat, with all these compromises required and no ideas which ones to make?

LittleMoog

Hi Lara :hello:
We've now been married for 5 years, and I've been desperate to TTC all that time we've had to wait for financial reasons, but we're nearly there now. In that time we've started to tackle our debts, moved to a cheaper area nearer my work, and I got my contractor role made permanent. Really, we needed all those things to fall into place as where we were living before we'd never have afforded maternity leave etc. I've now qualified for my work's maternity leave, we'll be able to use the work nursery without a 3 hour daily commute for baby and hopefully our debts will be gone/nearly gone by the time he/she arrives (next year, fingers crossed :j)

In terms of maternity pay, look in your funding agreement - the funding body may have to offer SMP, I know that when I had funding from the BBSRC they did cover maternity separately to the funding, and allow you to defer your studies. If not, you may be entitled to maternity allowance, which is similar to SMP, but you don't get the 6 weeks on 90% of salary, just start at the weekly £120ish (rough figure). You can look on directgov for details of this and see if you'd qualify. While it would probably be drop in income, at least you'd have some money coming in while you were off with bubs

Alternatively if you could wait til you were writing up, and get a part time job, you'd get some mat pay from there, and could possibly continue with the writing while on mat leave?

RebekahR

Come on you lot only got 4 graduates so far! And one BFP - YAY.

pinkpuppy ~ August '11
MrsBryan ~ Sept '11
codemonkey ~ Sept '11
Lily_The_Legend ~ Sept '11

When are you lot moving over? When's your last AF's due?

Lara44

Thanks for your really helpful post LittleMoog, I will check those leads out. And it's nice to know I'm not alone on the waiting front

bride2be2012

Hi Lara, no your not alone in having to wait and make compromises!

There are lots of things making us wait. Firstly, if I was to fall pregnant in the next month or two then I'd be walking down the aisle with a big bump as we are getting married in May! I've already got my dress and don't want to have to pay for alterations lol!!

Seriously though, it's mainly financial reasons making us wait. We are clearing debts, and ideally we'd like to own our own house before we start trying. We'll also need some savings as I only get 6 weeks full maternity pay.

So I'm trying to prepare myself for getting to the trying to conceive stage - so far, have come of the injection and back onto the pill. And I've got an interview for an evening job on Wed, to get extra pennies to clear our debts...this'll be job number 3, so I'll be used to feeling shattered by the time I have a baby!

sarahevie

Lara44 I got pregnant with DD1 during my 2nd year of my PhD,three years on I'm still not finished. Feel like my supervisor has given up on me. But I don't regret it I had my second 21 months after the first, it felt right.

I was 23 when I had DD1, she's now almost three and I'm 27. My PhD wasn't in anything that would automatically lead to employment, it's about ways to rehabilitate offenders. I've got an interview on Wed with the probation service so will see if I get the job. It's 18.5 hours a week

Now DD2 has just turned one I really do want to finish writing up this year.

LittleMoog

Morning all

Started spotting again yesterday afternoon, so guess AF isn't done with me after all. :think: sorry if TMI, but the spotting was quite red, and the first 4 days of AF were v brown, although definitely heavier than spotting, iyswim (figured it's been 3+ years since last period, so it's ALL old blood ). also have more cramps, delightful, so guess it may be back with a vengance

I've marked the extra spotting on my chart, will have to wait and see what happens in the next few days. Felt quite down for some reason last night, but I guess this is why I've come off the pill early, to give my body a chance to get rid of the hormones and settle into a natural cycle, so I should stop stressing

How's everyone else?