Tips for newly cohabiting couple...

ButterflyKisses

I would say to give each other a bit of extra understanding and patience at first. No matter how much time you spend with someone prior to living with them full time, you will discover all sorts of peculiar habits and some will annoy the heck out of you!

Definately pick your battles, they won't do everything to your liking and let the little things go or you'll be constantly irritated.

Other people's mess is much more annoying than your own for some reason!

Before we lived together, I used to love those weekends when we'd stay together and wake up in the same bed. Try not to lose that special feeling, I always try to think back to that and remember how lucky I am to have him there...even when I've found yet another pair of socks down the back of the sofa or in his pocket. :smileyhea

make_me_wise

My advice would be to decide before moving in how the finances are going to be handled. It can end up as a bone of contention otherwise.

My hubby and I have 3 joint accounts. One being for all our bills which are paid by direct debit. Its often cheapest with utilities to pay this way. We put half in each. Then we have another account for spends; food, petrol etc. We also have an 'emergency fund' account which we put the same amount into each.

Then we each have our own account for anything else we want. It stops us having to ask the other one if its okay to buy this, do that. Personally that would drive me mad.

Agree who is going to do what chores wise and as much as possible stick to it. That way neither of you will end up feeling taken for granted.

As for the emotional side of things, expect to discover stuff about each other that gets on your nerves. Be prepared to be very open about it all and talk things through. Dont allow stuff to fester. Accept that there will need to be some compromise and going with the flow a bit.

Most importantly enjoy it, the first few weeks/months of living together is a very special and magic time

burnoutbabe

my boyfriend moved into my flat.

I didn't charge him any rent (as didn';t want ANY issues over ownership of the place) so he saves his old rent money into an isa for future house deposit.

We have a joint credit card (in my name) and all food and going out together goes on that. he then pays me 50% monthly.

I listed all the other bills and he pays me that by standing order every month - but thats a fixed amount.

Other advice: well still have your own space. So if you fancy one night watching America's next top model with a facepack on whilst surfing on MSE, thats what you do (in the bedroom) and he has the lounge to watch some mans thing. (or he also watches next top model).

decide who will cook each night and then happily eat whatever the other produces. Only takes a wihile before you work out who likes or dislikes what. then they can have it on the nights you are out.

Enjoy!

kerrypn

Make time for just you and your friends, sometimes its easy to slip into the staying in together only going out together routine-we did, wish we hadnt!

Compromise on everything! Seriously! It is the only way to stay sane!

Rebekah24

Talk about money upfront

Dont be afraid to ask for more money - if hes making you short. Make it clear and make the amount exact and get a cheque for it!!

Make time for yourself - go out, stay in by yourself and have time with friends

Have an exit plan - so you dont need him financially, but it sounds like your pretty much sorted that way!!

Enjoy, but know you can step out of that situation at any time!

The grass is not always greener!! Think carefully and dont rush into it.

norabatty_2

alipops1986 wrote: »

Thanks everyone!
It's my house we're moving into - not a rented, but mortgage in my name obviously. Bill wise - i'm paying the mortgage and he's going to pay the bills and for food until he reaches the amount i'll pay for the mortgage. If this is reached, anything above and beyond will be halved! He's going to pay his amount via standing order, except for the food, which he'll pay when we go shopping. We've also devised a spreadsheet of all the house related costs, who's paying what and a page for the shopping incase i go one week, then he'll give me the money etc. I hope this will work!

That was our plan too when we first moved in! I think it lasted 6 months, which is also how long it took us to get together and figure out who had spent how much on bills, food, B&Q, etc - by this stage, we realised that he owed me approximately £2000, which he couldn't afford to pay me! :eek: Like most couples, the woman usually ends up doing ALL the food shopping. I also paid most of the bills. After that incident, we moved to the system of putting everything on the one credit card.

Anyway, as the person who wasn't paying the mortgage, I would have some difficulty with being in your boyfriend's position. You are paying your mortgage on your apartment. But he is paying for all your food and bills. By not paying separate rent, he is effectively paying half your mortgage by paying for all the bills and the food shopping and would be able to claim so if you were living together for several years, for example if you lived together for 5 years and then split up, he could claim that he paid 50% of the mortgage for 5 years. This problem could easily be rectified by charging him rent and then splitting the bills 50/50. The difference in monetary terms is probably minimal, (depending on how big your mortgage is and how much you would charge in rent) but it would save you alot of hassle if you did break up and things turned nasty, as they often unfortunately do when couples break up.

CheeseCat

Caroline_a wrote: »

Get a joint bank account

Please don't do this. I got a joint bank account when I moved in with an ex cause I thought we'd be 'together forever an' all that' well, we're obviously not together anymore and can I get him to write a letter to let me close the account? No. There's no money in there but it means we're linked on credit file and I was worried when I applied for my mortgage that they'd take his credit into account too and i'd be rejected.

So for now I would settle with the bills coming out of one of your accounts and the other person setting up a direct debit transfer for half of that amount (or whatever you both agree to pay) so its fair but 'no ties'

Good luck!

iamana1ias

Get the guy medal if he manages a month.

getmore4less

Thanks everyone!
It's my house we're moving into - not a rented, but mortgage in my name obviously. Bill wise -

So assuming the "it does not work" exit plan is he leaves.

Keep it simple, and everything in your name for now no need to change anything.

Keep all the ownership costs to yourself, idealy he saves and buys into this or the next house when things go well and have been for some time.

Just have him pay towards 1/2 the running costs, easier if you can just make it a round number that covers all the bills, review say every 6 months against your actual costs. Could make it a bit more to include some "rent money"

If he pays all the running costs that is more than needed and is obviously an attempt to bypass him paying part of the mortgage. keep it simple, and encourage saving the old rent money.

If he wants to contribute more make it intangibles like more going out spends, holidays cost, but not the house related stuff kkep that clean.

The other thing to look out for is the "it's my house" syndrome, be flexable to changes once it looks like it is working which sound like it should not be long if you have been doing 4ish nights anyway.

No joint accounts needed for anything so why link finances and credit ratings which could effect your remortgage when the time comes.

iamana1ias

getmore4less wrote: »

The other thing to look out for is the "it's my house" syndrome, be flexable to changes once it looks like it is working which sound like it should not be long if you have been doing 4ish nights anyway.

Have you read her previous threads??! :eek: