Tips for newly cohabiting couple...

alipops1986

Hello All!

I wondered if any of you out there had any practical advice/tips for newly cohabiting couples?

In the coming weeks myself and my boyfriend shall be moving in together. I've read all the legal advice, but I was hoping for some practical advice about what has worked for you etc.

Thanks in advance,
Alipops xx

Caroline_a

Sort out the money! Get a joint bank account that you both pay your share of the bills together into. And decide that if anything gets on your nerves you will talk it through rather than letting it fester.... there's a lot to be said about the old adage 'not to let the sun go down on an argument'

Good luck!

Miss_Voodoo

My advise? Don't do it! Joking, I'm sure you will be very happy living together!

As Caroline_a said above, making definite decisions and arrangements about money - and also household chores - is a good idea. Obviously sometimes things change, situations arise where you may need to make different arrangements, or do things slightly differently, but that is part of life and living together!

I wish the very best for both of you!

cassk

The biggest thing will be the bills and money so work out a system as to who pays for what. I keep a spreadsheet of everything - all the bills and food receipts etc.

The other thing that can easily start getting on your nerves is the sharing of the chores, shopping, cleaning, cooking etc. With my boyfriend and I, it just seems to work itself out without any issues but then we shop together and ensure during the week we share the cooking. Whoever does the cooking, the other person does the washing up, that kind of thing.

But the most important thing is to just enjoy your time together! We ensure that we still have a 'date night' at least once a month - where it's just the 2 of us.

norabatty_2

When I first moved in with my husband (boyfriend at the time), I was moving into his apartment which he had just bought. Here are some things we did to avoid any messy situations:

1. As it was his place and I was the one who was going to move out if it didn't work out, I made sure he bought all the small things like cutlery, plates, etc while I bought one or two large items, like the table and chairs. That way, if we broke up, we wouldn't end up arguing over who owned the pizza slicer.

2. I got a credit card and then got another one (same account) issued in his name - I didn't feel ready for a joint bank account (again, if we broke up, I didn't want to be associated with him by credit reference agenices, etc) so this was a good way of bridging the gap. That way, we didn't have to worry about keeping receipts - everything for the house went on the credit card and we both paid 50% of the bill each month. I also paid him rent.

3. I didn't buy the apartment with him - this is a huge mistake that has been made by many of my friends. I had a rule that I wouldn't buy a house with him unless we were engaged. Breaking up is a stressful enough experience, without one person having to stump up the cash to buy the other one out. Often, neither party can do so and you end up living together (but not being together) or selling the house at a loss, forking out loads of money to a solicitor. Avoid the potential stress and only buy with somebody if you are 100% sure the relationship is going to last.

4. Make sure you both know what is acceptable and what is not. One of my friends was in for a rude awakening (literally) when she moved in with her boyfriend - after a night out with his friends, he'd come home at 2am with a few friends and they would start playing guitar until 6am - even when she asked them to stop, the alcohol encouraged them to keep going. So make sure you both know the boundaries and are happy to abide by them.

5. Share the housework - if one of you feels you are doing more than the other, you will feel resentful and it will all come out in an argument, possibly not as diplomatic as you had hoped for! So make sure you know what is expected of you and vice versa.

6. Agree on a procedure for people coming around - I am quite house proud and would be mortified if my mother in law turned up before I had a chance to clean the place up. Now we are in a bigger house, having my friends around isn't too much of an issue, but when we were in our apartment, if I had my friends around and we wanted a private chat, my poor boyfriend had nowhere to go except our bedroom, which could get a bit claustrophobic for him after a few hours.

As you can see from my first 3 points, I was quite cautious even though I was pretty sure we were going to end up getting married one day. However, better safe than sorry. Once we got married, we got a joint bank account, bought a house and now we have a system in place where we are both allocated £500 per month for our individual spends and everything else, including mortgage, food, eating out, holidays, joint savings comes out of our joint account. However, I really wouldn't recommend doing that until you are very sure you will be with each other for a long, long time.

Moving in together is a great experience, very exciting and having your first home together, where you don't have to worry about anybody else except yourselves is wonderful - enjoy it!!

Sagz_2

As everyone has said, talk about money NOW!

After OH had been living with me for about 6 months I took out a credit card with a smallish limit and got another card for him (same account). That way we can buy things for 'us' on it and split the bills easily. Other bills (utilities, etc) are all in my name and split 50:50 when they need paying. The mortgage is in my name and I own the house.

We had a 'jokey' list of what's his (xbox and 1 cat etc) and what's mine (fridge, 2 dogs etc) just in case we ever split up .... but after 6 years we've kinda stopped adding to it - everything is now just 'ours'.

Well done for doing your research first - go into things with your eyes open and hopefully you won't be surprised in the future. Good Luck x

hoogervaaner

If you are particularly fussy about the way a certain household task is done (in my case the laundry and for DH cleaning the car) then be prepared to do this task yourself rather than expect him to come up to your standards. If this is the way you feel about all household tasks then learn to compromise

Recognise that time spent in each others company when shattered, working from home or doing chores is not quality time and proper quality time really does enhance your relationship.

Most of all remember you are a team now and by working together you really can build your dreams

getmore4less

If you have your own places, spend time with each other in each others homes first not just overnights.

If not then you ned to set up some rules befor commiting to 6months rent or a mortgage.

Do talk about finance but DO NOT get a JOINT account it is not needed. and it can be a big issue if things don't work out.


Have an exit plan.
Have a baby plan.
Have a job loss plan
.........

HappyMJ

Sagz wrote: »

We had a 'jokey' list of what's his (xbox and 1 cat etc) and what's mine (fridge, 2 dogs etc) just in case we ever split up .... but after 6 years we've kinda stopped adding to it - everything is now just 'ours'.

Personally if it ever came to splitting up it's nice to know the pets have a home and neither of you wil fight over them. You get the cat he gets the dogs. Simple. It's amazing how many people don't think about them earlier and will go to court later to get the cat or the dog. I don't care about the xbox or the fridge or anything else really as long as my cat stays with me.

I'd recommend getting an account together but not a joint account. It'll intertwine your credit records earlier than you may like. Get a bills account in either your name or your partners name and contribute to it. You don't need your name on it .... yet....

The biggest issue I've had in relationships is money. Hard to sort out but if sorted out before you move in then it'll smooth things along later. We agreed to contribute to the bills account an amount equal to a third of our take home pay and the bills came from that. Anything left in that account after a period of time was either split or used for a holiday.

scooby088

Dont spend 24/7 together you will see things you haven't seen in your B/F before annoying habits anything that didn't bother you before will get on your nerves pretty soon. Tell him to put the seat down will get on his nerves.

alipops1986

Thanks everyone!
It's my house we're moving into - not a rented, but mortgage in my name obviously. Bill wise - i'm paying the mortgage and he's going to pay the bills and for food until he reaches the amount i'll pay for the mortgage. If this is reached, anything above and beyond will be halved! He's going to pay his amount via standing order, except for the food, which he'll pay when we go shopping. We've also devised a spreadsheet of all the house related costs, who's paying what and a page for the shopping incase i go one week, then he'll give me the money etc. I hope this will work!
My main concern is about how things will change with us being together more, i don't mean this to sound negative at all! We spend 4 days and nights together out of 7 as it is, normally at my house or at his rented house. However, obviously, moving in together will be different. That said, i'm going to chillax and not worry about what may or may not happen!