Over the Garden fence - May's Monthly Chat Thread

tenmah

Oooh Wannabe, Perranporth is a lovely part of the country - lucky you. Have a great time. Good luck with the move as well.

We are going to a family fun day where my daughter has a stall selling jewellry that she makes, so fingers crossed for some sales.

Ames, nice to hear from you. I know how you feel, when I lost my Mum it was a horrendous time in my life and I couldn't believe that life was carrying on as normal around me. Take it one day at a time - a cliche but it does help. Hope you get to Starbucks, once you do it once, hopefully it will get easier next time.

Have a good day everyone......

schoolrunmum

Hello all-how is everyone? I've not been here much lately, DS is doing GCSE's and he's not a natural scholar so been doing loads of revision with him. This weekend however he is on the London to Brighton Mini run, so he was camping in Crystal Palace park last night with thousands of other minis, then the B'ton run today and no doubt Mini part shopping ! Water pump sprung a leak just before they left yesterday,so it was a mad dash to source a new one and fit it before they left at 2pm..
DD had 2 mates sleepover so we had a girly night with a curry and Eurovision. In other news, we had put our boat in Mallorca up for sale last winter, not expecting it to sell, but it has!!! We need a new one, and fast as we have 9 flight tix booked for late July, and no boat right now!!
I finally got my diet mojo back,so far lost 8lbs and running/X training agian...so that's all good..........
Kisses to everyone that needs 'em xxxx

Ames

Thanks Tenmah. It's not so much losing mum that I'm struggling with, it's all the stuff that needs doing. But then it all gets confused, because it means I'm not getting chance to grieve because I've got to think about clearing the house and all the paperwork and stuff.

Wannabe, I'm so jealous I love Perranporth, isn't that where the gorgeous fudge shop is? When we used to go to Cornwall as a family it was just about the only beach that allowed dogs so we spent a fair bit of time there.

Butti

Ames,

Have you thought about putting a little 'shrine' to her in a corner of one room. Some of the things that remind you of her so you can sit there quietly and have a think and a cry. I've got a box with one of her tops that smells of her, a recipe in her handwriting, one of her scarves, that sort of thing. Whatever works for you? I couldn't cry in the house (something to do with my weird 'stiff upper lip elephant in the room' type upbringing) so I had a laminated photo of her in the car and used to go to dead ends / beauty spots to have a cry. Once you start letting the grief out I suspect your panic attacks will ease.

If you want someone to chat to (don't know who you've got down there) drop me a line and I will send you my number.

Take care and remember baby steps are fine.

B x

p.s. Have you got help on sorting the house out?

beanielou

Big huggles Ames.
Baby steps xxx

Ames

Evening.

Copied and pasted from NTN:

I've had a good day - actually made it out of the house! I had two cups of coffee in Starbucks (total cost £1, I love my SB card!) over three hours, then called into a greek cafe for a salad to have with a lamb steak for tea. The portions are huuuuuuge and I'm thinking about instead of buying food in, going there once a day to eat, it's enough food for a day and takes hours to get through it all. It's not especially cost effective but it'll mean I'll get up dressed and out every day and after all it's what I get DLA for - things that'll help with my problems.

And since I'm on a high, once I've eaten I'm going to get on with some housework.

Butti, it's not so much not being able to grieve, I'm not really sure how to describe it. I think it's the pressure to get everything done to other people's timescales and not just being left to do it at my own pace. Every morning I wake up knowing that I've got a pile of mum's paperwork to deal with, a pile of my paperwork, the flat's disgusting and needs sorting, I need to get over to Scarborough to sort her house.... it's just so overwhelming. And because of this crappy illness of mine, I'm curling up and ignoring it all so it's only getting worse.

There isn't really anyone to help, my sister's in London so there's not much she can do, although she did loads when she was up here. Dad can't legally do much, obviously it's me and sister that everyone needs to speak to, and he can't clear the house out because of not knowing what me and sister want to keep.

I have to say though, he's been really good about my illness. In the past he's refused to believe it even exists, so for him to be accepting about my panic attacks and trying to think of ways to deal with them is nothing short of amazing. I'm going over this week and I'm hoping that I can get the paperwork sorted and for him to go to the PO for me. It's been a big problem for a few weeks now - last time I went in one I was sending off her death certs and felt really bad afterwards.

I'm also getting my diary caught up, with what happened in the week after she died (some really awful things came to light), which is helping loads. And I'm going to try and see my GP tomorrow or Tuesday.

I'm supposed to be going on holiday for a week in a fortnight and I know it'll really help me, give me some 'me' time away from everything, the only problems is whether I'll feel up to going. I *should* do because I'm camping, and my car and tent are like extensions of my home so I feel safe in them. So hopefully if I can keep up with getting out of the house every day I'll manage it.

Thanks for the offer to chat, phones are a bit beyond me at the mo though.

Wow that turned into quite an essay, sorry for taking over the chat.

Ames

Well, I've sorted through the biggest of the piles of [STRIKE]crap[/STRIKE] paperwork in the flat, resulting in one box full of stuff to keep, one bin bag of rubbish, and a small pile of things to keep in the folders that were already assigned to them but for some reason not used. Oh, and I've found a desk top, which no doubt will be[STRIKE] filled with crap[/STRIKE] useful.

Now that there's room for me to put the drum kit up properly I've tried to but can't work out how to put the toms on so that they're flat. A phonecall to sister may be needed.

So I'm feeling better now, hopefully I'll sleep tonight and tomorrow will be just as good.

Butti

If you need some help in Scarborough give me a shout then. I finish my coursework on 26th May and start work experience Tuesday to Thursday for a month on 31st May. Offer is there - Don't want you to feel I'm harrassing you but if you want some help Scarborough is only about 30 miles away.

Don't like to think of you trying to do it all yourself.

B

Butti

Is anyone there on the other side of the garden fence? Helloooooo.:wave:

rdchick

Hello I'm on the otherside of the fence pruning the flowers and what not- how is everyone today??!!