child maintainance with out contact

jetta_wales

Sounds like you've completely given up on being their Mum but I hope that changes, you made them you owe them more just money.

Yes you can be traced through your bank account but not by your ex it would have to bevy the authorities to gain such information.

pinknfluffy0

pigpen wrote: »

Well you are in some ways obviously! You were thinking of them when you left and you are still thinking of them you aren't that bad! Stop beating yourself up over it, you did what you felt was right and that is commendable in itself. I do understand where you are coming from though..

The bank sort code is the branch where the account was opened so tracing as far as there is easy but not your home address..

In a previous post you mentioned opening accounts for the children.. do you have those account numbers so you could put money direct to their accounts?

Or have a friend or maybe your sister or solicitor who would act as 'middle man' and you transfer money there and they pass it to XH?

A cheque would be posted so have you account details, the branch it was opened at and a postmark so that wouldn't be good a postal order would have to be posted so again have a postmark.

Opening an account online or in another town might be an option? Unless your usual account was opened in another town.. eg. OH opened his account in Manchester yet lives 120 miles away.. but the sort code on his account is the Manchester one. That should be fine and no risk to you.

I have the day off on Tuesday so I think I will go and open an account in a different town, thank you.

pinknfluffy0

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

However you pay, make sure you keep records of every payment. If your children want to find you in later life at least you can prove you paid for their upkeep. It will also stop your husband from saying you owe maintenace if you can prove you've already paid it.

I must admit (even though I don't know all the details) I'd rather have a cr*p mother in my life, than no mother. Have you had counselling to help deal with your problems?

I am having counciling now

pinknfluffy0

jetta_wales wrote: »

Sounds like you've completely given up on being their Mum but I hope that changes, you made them you owe them more just money.

Yes you can be traced through your bank account but not by your ex it would have to bevy the authorities to gain such information.

Its best for them this way, you dont know what I was like. Stress makes my condition worse, being responsible for them makes me stressed. They dont need to see my crying on the floor trying to kill myself. Finding me dead one day will mess with them worse than not having me.

jetta_wales

If he does chose to ask the CSA to find you they probably can. Again though they can't tell him.

You could contact the CSA and open a case yourself to pay the amount you should via them as a middle man and they will respect their data protection obligations to you.

Plans_all_plans

Obviously you have had a terrible time, for whatever reason. I hope that with counselling and ongoing support you can build some sort of relationship with your children in future. Best of luck.

pinknfluffy0

jetta_wales wrote: »

You could contact the CSA and open a case yourself to pay the amount you should via them as a middle man and they will respect their data protection obligations to you.

If I do it this way will they pay the whole amount to him?

McKneff

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Obviously you have had a terrible time, for whatever reason. I hope that with counselling and ongoing support you can build some sort of relationship with your children in future. Best of luck.

I can only echo this post, and hope that its your MH problems that are making you say and do these things, perhaps when you are sorted you will begin to think differently. I hope so for yours and your childrens sake.

Good luck
Annie

jetta_wales

pinknfluffy0 wrote: »

If I do it this way will they pay the whole amount to him?

I believe so but post any CSA questions that you might have in the child support forum on here and there'll be lots of people there who can answer them for you.

kittiej

I suspect the very fact that the OP can look after herself and is now working is no mean feat in itself never mind being able to cope with being a mother.

I am not sure about the CSA tbh as mistakes can be made and all he has to do is a SAR request at a later date and you never know what info can turn up. This happened when my DH made a SAR request, info which should have been blanked out wasn't re the mother.

OP you're making a start to get your life on track, and you obviously do think about your children otherwise this thread wouldn't exist so that is not a bad thing is it?

All the best xx