child maintainance with out contact

pinknfluffy0

I dont know if anyone remembers I said I had left my husband with our children as I wasnt a good parent.

They dont know where I am as I moved away. I had the baby put up for adoption.

I am getting better and am now well enough I have a job, I am a self employed hairdresser in a salon. I have been there 6 weeks and its going really well. I am averaging about £500 before tax.

My husband wont have gone to the CSA. But I want to pay towards my 2 oldest that live with him. How can I do this without him knowing where I am?

pigpen

Email using a hotmail/gmail/yahoo account or phone him withholding your number if a landline and ask him for his bank sort code and account number so you can pay towards the children.. Or contact him through a solicitor and have all communication directed there.. or get a PO box for mail to be sent to.

And good on you wanting to pay towards your children there are so many absent parents not paying a bean..

pinknfluffy0

pigpen wrote: »

Email using a hotmail/gmail/yahoo account or phone him withholding your number if a landline and ask him for his bank sort code and account number so you can pay towards the children.. Or contact him through a solicitor and have all communication directed there.. or get a PO box for mail to be sent to.

And good on you wanting to pay towards your children there are so many absent parents not paying a bean..

I am not that good, or I wouldnt have left them. The least I can do it pay towards them. I just dont want to be found.

I will set up an email addy and hope he still has the same one.

Is there anyway I can be tracked through a bank account?

jetta_wales

You could post him a cheque but it will still have a postmark. Why on earth do you not want him to know where you live? Even if you only had e-mail contact then he could at least tell you how the kids are, send you photos maybe. Heck you could even arrange paying him by paypal if he was willing and accepted that you're not ready to tell him where you are just yet.

pinknfluffy0

jetta_wales wrote: »

You could post him a cheque but it will still have a postmark. Why on earth do you not want him to know where you live? Even if you only had e-mail contact then he could at least tell you how the kids are, send you photos maybe. Heck you could even arrange paying him by paypal if he was willing and accepted that you're not ready to tell him where you are just yet.

I do not want to be any part of their lives, or me part of theirs, its best all round.

G51shopaholic

good point from last post - best to use solicitor as depending on the circumstances your x may well not want anything to do with you.
Are you in touch with any other family members who can gauge how the kids would react?

Stay strong

pinknfluffy0

G51shopaholic wrote: »

good point from last post - best to use solicitor as depending on the circumstances your x may well not want anything to do with you.
Are you in touch with any other family members who can gauge how the kids would react?

Stay strong

No I am not in touch. I know my ex would like to be in touch still. I know he will be doing a great job with the kids but I dont want details, just to send money.

McKneff

pinknfluffy0 wrote: »

I do not want to be any part of their lives, or me part of theirs, its best all round.

Thats a very flippant statement, 'Its best all round'


Did you go anywhere for help to learn to be a better mother

pigpen

pinknfluffy0 wrote: »

I am not that good, or I wouldnt have left them. The least I can do it pay towards them. I just dont want to be found.

I will set up an email addy and hope he still has the same one.

Is there anyway I can be tracked through a bank account?

Well you are in some ways obviously! You were thinking of them when you left and you are still thinking of them you aren't that bad! Stop beating yourself up over it, you did what you felt was right and that is commendable in itself. I do understand where you are coming from though..

The bank sort code is the branch where the account was opened so tracing as far as there is easy but not your home address..

In a previous post you mentioned opening accounts for the children.. do you have those account numbers so you could put money direct to their accounts?

Or have a friend or maybe your sister or solicitor who would act as 'middle man' and you transfer money there and they pass it to XH?

A cheque would be posted so have you account details, the branch it was opened at and a postmark so that wouldn't be good a postal order would have to be posted so again have a postmark.

Opening an account online or in another town might be an option? Unless your usual account was opened in another town.. eg. OH opened his account in Manchester yet lives 120 miles away.. but the sort code on his account is the Manchester one. That should be fine and no risk to you.

pinknfluffy0

McKneff wrote: »

Thats a very flippant statement, 'Its best all round'


Did you go anywhere for help to learn to be a better mother

Its flippant because I didnt want to type out all the reasons, no one will want to read through it all.

I am seeing some great people to get help for my mental health problems, but I dont think I will ever be well enough not to mess with them like I have in the past. Some things are best left.

Plans_all_plans

However you pay, make sure you keep records of every payment. If your children want to find you in later life at least you can prove you paid for their upkeep. It will also stop your husband from saying you owe maintenace if you can prove you've already paid it.

I must admit (even though I don't know all the details) I'd rather have a cr*p mother in my life, than no mother. Have you had counselling to help deal with your problems?