How Did Others Cope with Parner's Death?

Bunny

I'm sorry to hear about your husband

Everyone grieves in their own way and after (I'm guessing) at least 20 years together, it is normal to feel lost when they suddenly aren't there any more and I think no matter what you last said and when you last kissed/hugged, you would always want just one more, that bit more time.

You can have all the friends in the world supporting you, but as you say you will feel lonely because your partner isn't there after so long, it's quite a bizarre feeling.

Time will hopefully help (seems such a useless thing to say, as you want to feel better now)

gratefulforhelp_2

God bless honey. xxx

Amanda65

Firstly I wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss - I cannot even begin to imagine how hard you must be finding it all.

Secondly as some others have mentioned I would recommend Cruse http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/. A very close friend was widowed 8 years ago and left with a then 16yo, 13 yo and 8 yo and she found the organisation fantastic, not just for her but for her children too and received loads of advice. They also have a place just for young people http://www.rd4u.org.uk/.

Hope that helps and sending very best wishes to you and your boys x

red_devil

i wont cope i hate to think about it.

murphydog999

My god, what amazing people you all are. I dread the thought of 'going' before my husband and being left, it's only when threads like this appear do you realise the depth of situations people (usually women) find themselves in. I hope everyone finds courage and happiness xx

Rossy.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss

I lost my uncle on Friday just gone. He passed away from Asbestos related Cancer. I miss him terribly

As a double wammy i also lost a close work colleague on Saturday, so one day apart. He also passed away from Cancer

I feel such a mess at the moment, I've just split from my partner too so my head is ready to explode

I wish you all the best x

Jellybaby

Hi, thanks for all the new posts since I was last on yesterday and thanks for all the PMs too, it's fantastic people taking the time to offer comfort or share their experiences. I've had rather a mixed day. I met close friends for coffee which was a couple of hours of light relief, I even laughed! Then I braced myself as I had a bit of business at the hospital. I actually met one of the staff nurses in the corridor leading to the ward so we spoke for a few minutes there and it was only when I turned to go I realised I was standing right outside the room my husband had been in - and I was ok. I did cry for an hour earlier though after my son built up some furniture for his room. I was really proud of him as I knew it was important to him to do this and I told him his dad was probably watching proudly and not believing we did it ourselves - and without any arguments! A baby step forward but it hurts like hell.

shellsuit

Jellybaby I'm so sorry for your loss, I don't know how I'd cope without my husband. We split for a brief period in 2006 and the physical pain was awful, so I can't even comprehend what hurt and pain you must be going through.

Try and take it easy, my thoughts are with you and your children xx

thorsoak

I too have had quite a good day - for a start, I think I've found someone who will share the veggy garden that was OH's pride and joy - and which this year has a bumper crop of dandelions.

Secondly, I've got myself a part-time job - I've had the added aggravation of trying to sort out pension/how much of OH's state pension I'm entitled to - hopefully I will get the correct amount next week ...I've had to dip into what little savings we have left for so many of the bills etc, I'm quite concerned - so a part-time job will take some of the anxiety away.

I've been able to talk about OH's death to strangers today without actually crying ...watery eyes yes, but no actual tears - so I am getting there.

But grief is strange - I have found it will suddenly hit me when I least expect it and I'm in tears again - its a bit like the dog running up behind you and hitting the backs of your knees.

{{hugs}} - we will survive!

MatyMoo

What amazing people there are on here, so willing to share their experiences to show someone else that there is a way through some of the darkest moments in life :T

I haven't lost a partner but I lost my 2 adored big brothers (15 & 23) when I was 7, my Dad at 15, my gorgeous 7 year old nephew when i was 22 and finally my beloved Mum when I was 45.

People ask how you cope, in all honesty I just don't know but you keep breathing in and out and putting one foot in front of the other and you get through it. One day you realise that you have had a full nights sleep or you haven't cried today or they weren't the first thing you thought of on waking. All these little steps mean that you have found a way to get through it. For some this happens reasonably quickly, for others it takes years but there is no rule book and you have to do it in the way that works for you.

For me it was (and still is) being able to talk about them and to share their knowledge and experiences. My Mum told me when I was 7 that nobody is dead as long as someone remembers them and I aim to make sure that as many people as possible remember my wonderful family. As much as I miss them all still I am so thankful that I had these wonderful people in my life even if it was for a relatively short time.

There are still days when I get caught unawares by something (a piece of music, a family occasion, a flower, a smell, it really can be anything) and it brings a tear to my eye or I catch a sob in my throat.

I wish all you ladies going through this horrible experience strength and long term happiness.

Maty
-x-

PS Sorry this turned in to an epic!