OH awful with money - what can I do?

dark_lady

Glad to know that you are ok but it is completely unacceptable for him to be shouting at you. He needs to face this problem like an adult. The Maccy Ds for lunch every day is bloody expensive not to mention unhealthy.:eek:

balletshoes

meds12 wrote: »

Completely off-topic, but has anyone seen how big the moon looks tonight (from a West Midlands perspective) - it's enormous!

I'm in East Mids - the moon was very yellow earlier on here.

meds12_2

dark_lady wrote: »

The OP has been quiet for a few hours now and she said she might show her OH this thread tonight. Hope everything went ok and that he hasnt lost his temper.Good luck OP and i hope you are ok.

How very sweet, thank you! I'm sorry if I have given the impression I'm a victim here - I have many faults too which he puts up with, and he has been happy to change to suit me and my wishes in all ways but this - he was brought up with very different values to me - swearing was acceptable in front of kids, no value placed on education, bad behaviour was accepted as "just something kids do" - so he has really changed - his friends think he is unrecognisable from what he was before I met him.

I'm starting a business come September on my day off, for which I need a variety of unusual animals amongst other things. He came home 2 days go with a young tarantula despite hating them himself, and he does help clean all the other animals out each week (ok I have to chivvy him along but he does it nonetheless), so it really is just money!

meds12_2

balletshoes wrote: »

I'm in East Mids - the moon was very yellow earlier on here.

Yes it's yellow / orange here too - but twice the size it normally is. If I were Chicken Licken I'd think the sky was falling down!

*Louise*

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Did I miss the bit where you said what he spends it on? £200 is a fair bit to get through in a few days - what does he do with it?

I would have thought if he is borrowing money throughout the month that as soon as he got his £200 at the beginning of the month a lot of that would quickly go to paying back his family and friends (but obv not the OP!)

dearbarbie

I dont mean to sound funny but who are these men you live with? They sound like kids I'd have very little respect for my OH if he didn't know how to pay the bills in my absence....

euronorris

*Louise* wrote: »

I would have thought if he is borrowing money throughout the month that as soon as he got his £200 at the beginning of the month a lot of that would quickly go to paying back his family and friends (but obv not the OP!)

Exactly. My BIL has been following a similar pattern (although much worse), and has finally started to realise that he needs to say to them 'I'm sorry, but I cannot afford to pay you all back in one month, so I am giving you each an equal share of what I can afford to repay each month (say 100 quid).'.

OP's OH would also benefits from adding in 'I'd also really appreciate it if you would start refusing to lend me money for anything other than emergencies (household bills which should already be covered by the OP's budgeting).'. Of course, his mates can refuse to do that (and some probably will), but a little improvement is better than no improvement.

moneysaverboy

I got my head round money more by writing everything down I spent - and I mean EVERYTHING. maybe buy him a notebook and ask him to do the same including every penny he pays back to people and every penny he borrows - I reckon us blokes feel a bit nagged at with money sometimes but when we see it in black n white its easier somehow. Well, it was for me anyway I'm pretty good with money these days.

make_me_wise

meds12 wrote: »

Hi all,
Have been with OH for 7 years and we have 2 children together aged 5 and 6 months. We both work - OH f/t and me 4 days per week. The problem is he is awful with money.

Before each month starts I work out a budget and then take an amount out of my OH's pay, to add to mine, to cover all bills. He is generally left with about £200 for the month, whereas I have significantly less (maybe £50, although more if I shave off money from the groceries budget. This is always mainly spent on the kids!).

The problem is his money is gone literally 1 or 2 days after getting paid. Then he "borrows" money off myself and his family for the rest of the month (I never, ever see this money again!). This month I have had to buy his son's (by a former relationship) birthday present, even though I am on SMP and we are struggling as a family.

If I mention that I should give him his money in weekly bits he gets angry and starts arguing that I am controlling his money, even though this would mean he gets the same amount.

I don't know what to do - I really worry about money and I feel it is all on my shoulders - he has no idea how much our outstanding mortgage is or how much pension he is likely to receive or anything else like that! My bank account is constantly in overdraft because of his spending habits yet if I say anything he accuses me of wanting to get rid of the overdraft too quickly - despite him not having a plan to clear it!

Every month I ask him to sit down with me and help with the budget but he refuses.

Anybody been in this situation? What can I do to make him better with money?

The only thing I can suggest is for yourself and other family members to stop giving more cash when he runs out. The £200 you mention as his available monthly spends is quite reasonable really. Whilst he feels others are always there to bail him out, he wont worry about living to a budget or being more responsible with his money. It must be alot of pressure for you, I hope you can resolve it.