OH awful with money - what can I do?

balletshoes

meds12 wrote: »

Ok, my misc will include all my non-monthly bills, at the moment we spread the cost over the preceding couple of months. For example my daughter's party was paid for last month, her presents and party bags will come out of this month's budget.

Maybe my budgeting could be better! It balances out ok -
it's the dipping for extra money by OH that causes the problems!

and thats exactly why you have to say "no more". Just say No (cue for a song ). You're not being over-controlling with the finances - you're budgeting to keep a roof over your head! Not the same thing at all as salting all the family cash away and not allowing for an occasional ice-cream!

sarah*a

meds12 wrote: »

.... but it has made me not want to follow in his footsteps and be overly controlling with finances.

There is a difference though between being overly controlling and making sure your bills and all sundry expenses get paid before having 'mad money' which just gets p!ssed up the wall

belfastgirl23

Hmm some good advice here but I'd be reluctant to take the 'telling him' route tbh - he's already feeling 'controlled' and rightly so in one way (though your motivations are not in question here obviously!! but men don't like being told what to do IMHO). Is there a way of sitting him down and telling him that you're feeling frustrated and asking HIM to come up with a solution. I appreciate you've sort of been there before but it might be timely what with (as the others say) the cost of everything going up etc etc. Tell him things can't go on the way they are, and see what he says. It needs to be done without accusations or temper though, just in the way you might discuss other routine matters in your lives.

FATBALLZ

This is an easy one. Stop lending him money. If he asks to borrow money tell him theres a blanket in the cupboard he can take to keep him warm while he begs outside the train station. And next time tell his mum where to go.

Emmzi

"your birthday present? I *think* he !!!!ed it away, but you might want to check whether he actually put it in the slot machine."

simple!

dark_lady

OP Please do not take this comment the wrong way but the way things are going with you trying not to follow in your fathers footsteps it seems you might be following in your mothers instead. I think its a very good idea to show him this thread. One thing is worrying me though. Hes not likely to get violent is he. Because what he says he is doing with his 200 pounds each time just doesnt ring true. Sorry that ive had to say this but i agree with sweetielemon, he could be getting into debt that you dont know about.

Lance

meds12 wrote: »

He really isn't being deliberately selfish - he just cannot see that I am trying to help us both.

Of course he is! He must see the bills / overdraft and be able to add up. To spend £200 in the first few days is very extravagant and shows how totally selfish he is towards his family. Basically he is having a good time and will continue to do so with the only cost being a bit of shouting a few times a month. The bloke doesn't give a toss about the families financial situation.

belfastgirl23

Did I miss the bit where you said what he spends it on? £200 is a fair bit to get through in a few days - what does he do with it?

dark_lady

The OP has been quiet for a few hours now and she said she might show her OH this thread tonight. Hope everything went ok and that he hasnt lost his temper.Good luck OP and i hope you are ok.

meds12_2

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Did I miss the bit where you said what he spends it on? £200 is a fair bit to get through in a few days - what does he do with it?

According to him he has always borrowed money off friends for the month, so has to pay them back, plus a few big rounds in the pub, plus buying MaccyDs for lunch instead of coming home. A few days later he runs out of money and the whole cycle starts again.

Of course he could well be blowing it all on pole dancers - we do live near Birmingham!

Apart from the money thing he is a lovely bloke, is devoted to his kids and is very laid back and easy going, and can be very, very funny. I think he gets angry and shouts as deep down he knows I'm in the right so can't have a grown-up conversation about it (he would lose!). I heard him tell the woman next door that if he were in charge of money we would all be living in a tent.

Completely off-topic, but has anyone seen how big the moon looks tonight (from a West Midlands perspective) - it's enormous!