Real Life MMD: Should I ask for the cash back?



  • I just don't get how this is a money moral dilemma- reminding a pal that they owe you £20 is not a moral dilemma!!!

    If they are willing to lose friendship over £20 that they agreed to pitch in in the first place then they are not a friend, if they are a friend they'll be a bit embarrassed they forgot and cough up immediately.

    My friends and I do this all the time and inevitably whoever buys the group pressie has to do a text round to all those who missed the occasion due to illness/work/other- it's no big deal!
  • You didn't "have to" put the money in for your friend, you lent it to her presumably with her approval and consent. Ask her for it back, she may have "forgotten".
  • pineapple
    pineapple Posts: 6,931 Forumite
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    This is easy peasy, just ask casually like others have said. The sooner you do this the less awkward it will be. I have to say though, I've been in situations where others have 'put in' for me and can't imagine needing reminding.
  • Most people here are so money-minded that they have forgotten to look at this from the point of view of the friend. Maybe she felt pressurised into participating and was broke at the time. Maybe he was't really ill at all but feigned it so as she was too embarrassed to admit it and hoped by being absent he would not have to particpate. A real friend would try to tactfully find out the real issue and if this is the case and you can afford it, show some generosity. Apart from the fact that this scenario is hypothetical, of course the friend could just be a scrounger, in which case they are not really a friend :D!

    The reverse happened to me some time ago while at Uni :(. The students organised a secret Santa to which we all contributed £5 each. When it came to the day, the idiot who was to buy my secret Santa gift, "forgot" to get it for me and was absent from the event! The person who I got a gift for was delighted with my gift, but of course being secret, I never let on :A. Eventually, the organiser worked out who was to be my benefactor and he got me Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code" a book I had no interest in and only managed to read a few chapters of. But then I suppose it is the thought that counts (except that the thought was absent too, until prompted!!!). :mad:
  • Mollie-rose8_2
    Mollie-rose8_2 Posts: 24 Forumite
    edited 21 April 2011 at 9:16AM
    Think Martin and his team ought to let us all know which option was taken up and let us all know the outcome in the next money-saving email. OOPS...sorry just read Smarterminds 'story'.....did'nt realise dilemmas were hypothetical!!
  • kriss1977
    kriss1977 Posts: 235 Forumite
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    Don't be a doormat - this is no dilemma at all. Your friend said she wanted to contribute to the present, she knew you were putting in the money on her behalf - really, she should be the one coming to you but we'll assume with being ill, she has simply forgotten about it and this is the best way to bring it up.

    There's no need to make a big deal out of it but just remind her you still need the £20 she owes for the present. Any decent person will pay up no quibbles.

    If she doesn't, next time there is a similar collection ask her to put in on your behalf for whatever reason and then when she asks for the money back, you remind her about the money she owed you from this time and suggest you call it quits. She'll think twice then about not paying her fair share in future. BUT I really don't think it will come to this as it seems very clear cut to me.

    If someone owes us money, why are we so scared to ask for it when it's someone we know on an emotional level? Or a small amount? I'm the same though I will ask I feel terribly cheap or like I'm asking a favour in doing it but it's ridiculous really! :)
  • ironlady2022
    ironlady2022 Posts: 1,544 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Think Martin and his team ought to let us all know which option was taken up and let us all know the outcome in the next money-saving email. OOPS...sorry just read Smarterminds 'story'.....did'nt realise dilemmas were hypothetical!!

    I thought they are all real now? They use to be hypothetical but not anymore.
  • yvonne13_2
    yvonne13_2 Posts: 1,955 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Ask for your money simple as.
    Don't ask for her to pay for your food or money towards clothes as she will simply say " I haven't got enough".
    Get it back in the manner you gave it.

    I don't mean to be horrible but I hope you have learnt your lesson. If your to scared to ask for your money back don't borrow it in the first place. Oh and by the way if she never had it in the first place where is she going to find it to give it you back anyway.

    Sometimes people take advantage of people kindness but only if you let them. I don't borrow/loan anyone anything but if they are hungry or thirst I will give them something to eat or drink.
    It's better to regret something I did do than to regret something that I didn’t. :EasterBun
  • The person would have to be a very good friend for me to put in £20 on their behalf - (or book tickets for something! - speaking from experience). I think I would always double check with them when the time came to put in the money. After all there would be nothing to stop them getting a separate present if they felt they had missed out.
  • Remind her. You are risking losing her friendship either way - either she refuses to pay and is insulted by your asking, or she refuses to pay and you don't want her as a friend any more. If she is an honest person, she will pay up.
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