Nearly 30, in debt, lost and nervous! I need to change.

Lost_and_nervous

Ive woken up this morning to a wonderful email - its free listing weekend this weekend on ebay - so thats good news! Must get the over £ items listed.

I really need to start focusing again, I really need to get positive, I have been reading back through this diary and its so negative, I am such a negative person. I hate it.

So we havent had the best of summers, ok so I am deeply in debt and I am depressed but I need to buck my ideas up and sort myself out. I have had enough! I need to break this cycle and start new.

I think I need to really change myself. But I know its going to take lots of determination and hard work. I know its going to take a lot for me to put my mind to it and keep at it but after our little break I need to come back refreshed. Its the only way I will achieve.

OH well we have been getting on so much better, for now anyway, I dont hold my breath, but I need to make it work for our little DD. She needs a happy relaxed home not a stressed miserable home.

Its about looking at everything and keeping a clear head. I know that when my head gets jambled it gets all messed up and then I get down and thats the end of the productivity. So enough is enough, I am going to succeed!

I have been making small changes without realising, and when i sit down and look at it I am working towards my achievements in a very very very small way.

I bulk cook, I shop around, I have refocused my energy where the food is concerned to make changes, I keep on top of the kitchen now which is fantastic, I love seeing clean sides. I have been listing a couple of things. I have been looking at things I can sell and detaching myself from things so I can try to make some money. All positive things towards the success I want to be.

I am thinking of ways to work towards my goals and I have my diary which is my new friend when 'I am out on the road'. Its helping.

I just need to put everything into action. This is the next step in life and its one I will be working hard on.

Lost_and_nervous

Lost and nervous - the next chapter
It's in the title - its the new chapter for me, I have realised that the old diary is very negative and even though I have come along way with that diary I need a fresh start which in my book, is turning a new page and starting a new chapter.

For those of you who don't know, the shorter version is I am nearly 30, depressed, anxious, nervous and in debt with a not very supportive relationship where I can't talk to oh but we have a wonderful dd. I have found this forum to be my rock and have met some wonderful people who have given me the support I need.!

The reason I have started a new diary is to be able to monitor my progress and achievements. I don't really want to go into the nitty gritty details of everything but I do want to keep this diary as upbeat and positive as I can. I just want to succeed. I have learnt so much and am continuing to learn daily. Some things helpful, other things useful and some things achievable. It's a long road to recovery but I am on it, taking baby steps at a time.

I have various ideas of how to save some more money, I am going to bulk cook as much as possible, to any mince meat dishes I'm going to add a tin of beans or even 2 along with all the veg and of course minimal mince! I am going to at the beginning of each month work out every slice of bread, every cheese triangle I need, every piece of broccoli even down to the ounce of pasta I use, everything will be exact, easy to find, pre prepared if possible and allowing to keep to the meal plan with enjoyment too!

I have had to hand wash a couple of items, which has got me thinking, why do we need to use the washing machine all the time for every item which sometimes just needs rinsing through cause you haven't been in it long, haven't got it dirty and generally just needs freshing up? I am going to try to do hand washing everyday in the sink with my powder detergent for the things which don't need a proper hot long wash, I will use the kettle water when boiled for tea/dds milk and do it all in the sink. I will take an electric meter reading and a gas meter reading and then a month after do it again and see. It doesn't take long to hand wash and if it saves some pennies then I am all for it!

The car - will only be used on work days and if I really need to! Apart from that it's walking all the way! I need to budget properly for the petrol and stick within that budget where possible!!

Birthdays and Christmas - my absolute bugbear! Why do people need to spend so much money, it's not necessary, it's not a competition, it's about enjoying the day and the time together! I am going to look at things which will mean a lot and not cost a fortune! If you search then lovely things can be found at bargain prices. And where I can I am going to make gifts/bulk buy to make hampers for individuals/families! The whole giving is no longer giving because you want to and that person will like it, it's giving to receive and being the better person!!

It's true, you don't need to have loads of clothes, shoes etc, having been visiting family and staying with just a few outfits which can be mix and matched I have realised its all about the nicer things which can be worn with various things not the amount you have bursting out of the wardrobe. I am going to really go through and try to sell as much as I can to try to make some extra money.

I will see if i can get any extra work which could fit in around OH and DD, anything is worth a try.

It really is going to be a mindset of total positivity and looking of ways to save, cut back, live within my means, make some extra pennies and generally change!!

I am also going to be a fly lady, it seems to work for so many and it's something I have struggled with since my depression and before. I really want to get on top of things and the only way is by doing a bit at a time! Not overloading should help.!

My aim of this diary is to update as much as I can hopefully daily, be positive throughout, write down everything I have done to change my situation and new ways/things which help towards the new me and also keep a tab of any savings/cut backs and extra money made. It's going to take a very long time but I have worked to get where I am now so now it's time to go to the next level of change. Xxx

Lost_and_nervous

So the first day of the new chapter, not as productive as I had hoped as have done running around for OH and DD been clingy today but I have managed to win £10 on OHs lottery ticket he got last night, and also done some cleaning and washing.!

I'm not very good with starting things on any day apart from a Monday, so the little progress I have made today is a start. I have been looking at things to sell on eBay which can go for more than 99p so when next free listing weekend comes up I am ready.

I am going to get DD to bed then am going to make a list for tomorrow for my aims for the day. I am going to prepare my meals for the day as am at work including snacks so I am not tempted to spend money. Including drinks in my bag. I have petrol in my car so it should be a NSD.!

I need to do a little research in to certain things which are sold on eBay, I have lots of things I would like to get rid of but am up for trying to sell them. It's a rough guide of prices too.

Anyway hopefully I can get an early night so I can rise and shine fresh for the morning which no doubt won't happen as mornings are such a struggle for me. But positivity, I am going to try my best! Because that's part of this journey in the new chapter!!

Lost_and_nervous

Must stay positive!
Well yesterday was a disaster (positive thinking) - had a migrane all day which tipped me over to the dark side of sleep when I should have been productive, but the positive is that I have learnt my lesson - always be prepared. Us ladies have handbags so always carry the neccessary things to help. Went to the GP for my depression review, I have had my anti depressants increased which to be honest I see as a positive as they should give me the pick me up I need to continue on my journey.

Really didnt achieve anything apart from head strong organisation at work which has inspired me to work in a different manner which in turn is a positive, hopefully I wont feel like I am getting bogged down, I am allocating things to time scales, I have got a new working system which hopefully will work and my attitude has changed.

My very small veggie pots are going a bit crazy and need to be repotted, I am going to try to do one tonight if its not raining. I am hoping that I will start to get some veggies/salad soon. Another money saving hobby.

My inner flylady has been very lazy but am putting it down to the migrane. Hopefully she will be willing when I get home after work.

Am off to work now, need to drive economically and try not to spend any money.

I did have a long term money saving idea yesterday, I am addicted to a good cuppa and spend money every week when am at work. What I am going to do is save the money I would spend and put it towards a thermal flask so I can make it at home and take it with me.

I may have been useless yesterday but my money saving head is on.

Heres to positive thinking. xxx

Lost_and_nervous

I am up early, cup of coffee at my side and a get up and go attitude. The weather is awful, but its not going to stop me. I have had lots of ideas, and I am starting a cupboard of 'things to try and ebay' but I have 2 going, 1 for over £1 and 1 for under which i can start to list straight away. The £1 over I will need to wait for a free listing weekend.

Yesterday when I got home, I unleashed my inner fly lady, and did some jobs which felt very good, something which I have struggled with for so long.

I sold an item on ebay yesterday so need to package it up to post today.

I am going to go for now and sort a drawer out - lots of DDs shoes in there and a couple of mine, need to sort through and see what fits what doesnt and what can be sold.

Heres to determination. xx

Lost_and_nervous

Its one of those days
I am having one of those days that I am trying my best to fight through to get things done but my head feels like a washing machine. Its so hard when I feel like this. Went and done part of my shop, OH likes shelled nuts but they are so much more expensive so I bought the ones with shells on and deshelled them myself. He hopefully wont know the difference and that can go into the fund.

I have been very exact with the shopping and looking at ways to save where I can. I do need to loose some weight myself so hopefully this will help.

The house is a state and I cant seem to find the determination to get on top today but I will. I have found an old suitcase and holdal which I am going to put clothes in which I am going to ebay also putting them in either the 99p one or the over £1. I am looking at everything in my house, anything which doesnt get used, has no sentimental value, and is kept on the thought 'I may need it' is going to try to make some money. Its the only way I will get through this. At the end of it all if I have succeeded then I will treat myself but for now its only things I need or will make me money in the long run.

well off for now to use what little energy I have left. Positive thinking. xx

Lost_and_nervous

Well another weekend is over and done with, I have listed a few items on ebay today which I am pleased about, had a no spend day which I am pleased about and had all meals from stores which I am pleased about. All things I am pleased about.

Need to work out what I have made on the couple of bits I have sold on ebay.

I have learnt to move away from things in the sense of I need to try to declutter and make some extra money.

I have read a couple of really good quotes today which have really inspired me to work hard and achieve.

Positive thinking is the way forward.

Lost_and_nervous

its beautiful sunshine.
I am now a PADer! I have made for the last couple of days a payment a day to the biggest credit card bill, Ok they have only been small amounts except for today £2.21 but overall I am pleased with that as every little counts towards being debt free and not so anxious.

I have made some cakes recently and taken them with me to toddler get togethers and the other mums have commented on them saying that they are good enough to sell. I feel upbeat about it and am going to start making some more and taking photos of them. See if i can get any extra pennies from the mums/their family. I am going to look into insurance etc and see how much it will cost to start up.

Sold another item on ebay today, so more pennies for the pot. I have sorted through lots of bits which need listing, I just need to list, I have been very lazy.

I woke up at 4am this morning and thought about getting up and doing some listing but I eventually fell back to sleep again and got up at 730, alot later than I wanted. If I wake up early tomorrow, I shall be getting up early to do some listing. I will bring some bits down stairs just in case so I will not need to disturb OH.

I found £4.21 in change and put it in my bank account. I have paid one cc £2.21 and will probably make an extra payment later. Its so much better having the cc details set up to bank account, just transfer the minimal amounts so they are out of my bank and I am left not tempted to spend.

Something which helped me last year was buying christmas presents early, I have started to pick up bits from poundshops for DDs stocking, last year she had a whole stocking for next to nothing and I am going to do the same this year. So far I have 3 stocking gifts.

Meals from stores, always meals from stores and a little batch cooking will be done. Bolognese, with 2 tins of beans, lots of veg and a few containers for them to be frozen.

My depression seems to be ok at the moment, my new tablets are working well, I am coping at the moment.

I am under control with all my ironing and will be taking my electric and gas meter readings today so I can keep on top of it.

The big clear out is going well, I have cleared 3 bags of rubbish. Its amazing what you keep hold of when you hoard. I am already feeling lighter within my home.

xxx

Lost_and_nervous

I have taken a step back but I am taking the step forward again. Positivity, is what I need to remember to have in every aspect, and when I feel angry, anxious, down, i need to think positive things.

I have been ebaying, As I have so much and i was getting very bogged down with it all, I decided to break it down into sections, and it is working better for me giving me more focus to list and not so overwhelming.

I have been awful with my eating, mainly picking at convience things, which is unlike me but I have been down within myself but I have written down a few things i would like to try and also to make eating enjoyable and interesting, I am going to use herbs from my garden and I do need to buy a couple of bits but I will shop round to find the cheapest.

I have been cleaning and will continue. Its all a step in the right direction. x

Lost_and_nervous

I had an awful day yesterday, just seemed to take me ages to do anything, I had no motivation, I just sat on the sofa most of the day and I didnt have very much positivity. But today I have woken up in a different mood.

I have a cuppa, I have the positive attitude I need and I will continue to achieve.

I have to take a large toy apart today which I have sold and is being collected. Need to give it a quick clean too. I have come to a new way of thinking with ebay, get it listed, dont be greedy and and be positive. Anything extra will be a very big bonus for me.

Its payday this weekend, very flat month which I am not looking forward to but will have to budget to the best of my ability. Make sure everything is covered then take it from there.

I think my unmotivated and negative feelings havent been made any better because I havent been very healthy, not drinking much water, not eating as much fruit or veg and eating lots of starchy foods, so I need to get back on track with a more healthy me to blalance myself out again.

I have my little pile of things to list today on ebay, its working out so much better mentally for me as I dont have loads to look at all at once.

The road of recovery is definately a long one and is definatley working out ways to achieve without making myself feel down.

So todays task continue on a healthy dfw road of achieving, working hard, and making the most of each day.