Nearly 30, in debt, lost and nervous! I need to change.

ebayqueen_2

Hi ya Lost
You are sounding so positive. Have you went back and read your first few posts...you have come so far. :):)

Lost_and_nervous

Another weekend over and done with! Me and dd went to town today, with a gift card from post office with £15 on from what I had started to save with the post office which has expired and then I found another card from an incentive from electric supplier to stay with them, anyway £37 on there so we went to town and I got lots of Christmas prezzies for dd and didn't spend a penny except for £1 on a pair of trousers for me which are lovely.

I got some cheque payment slips from bank other day so will be able to make small payments throughout month.

Also I have started opening some savings accounts with my bank. I looked into it and there is an esavings account which I can have as many accounts as I want so I have opened 2 already and will be opening more. I want to start in the new year putting money away regardless of how small it is or even if it's not very often but for the following - Christmas, birthdays (oh going to contribute too), car, emergencies, holiday (want to do a newspaper one next year and oh contributing and the most important one of them all is debts!

I know it's crazy considering I've got debt but I am going to do my upmost to put any penny I can away and what with oh wanting to contribute, I thought why not be smart and savy about this!

More batch cooking today and very good size portions! I've worked out how to make it look more too - chop everything up small! This should bring the food down meaning more money towards debts! I am more determined than ever.

I haven't been able to get on here as much as oh has been around more and I have been busy during day but hoping to get back to more sorting out !

Thank you for free listing tips - I listed!

Hope ur all ok xx

girlatplay

A happy post, lovely

I do think it is a good idea to allow for things like birthdays, car, emergencies, etc

Speak soon xx

kelpie35

Well done lost :j you are an inspiration to a lot of people.

Keep the positive attitude up x :beer::beer:

Eager_Elephant

Hi Lost

How rude of me to post a question 3 weeks ago and only now get round to reading your reply - Sorry!!!

I wonder if you have ever had counselling?

When you post negative comments about things that have gone wrong or things you want to change but don't have the time you remind me of my DH - he has had depression for 14 years and he is exactly the same.

If something goes wrong, even very small things, to him it is the end of the world whereas I think we just need to stop worrying and move on but he can dwell on things for ages.

DH is on medication which does help so imagine how he would be without this and he has also had counselling which also helped.

Please stop feeling guilty about your DH's debt - I expect some of your debt was for him and the family so it all evens out - if he is not bothered about his debt then you shouldn't be either.

Or failing that if you really want to help why not pay £1 per month to his credit card then you feel like you are paying something :rotfl:

Although you are now on a DMP by the time the debt companies have received letters, have scanned them in and then dealt with them it will likely be 4 weeks so do not worry about the calls at the moment. Try to ignore them or alternatively just repeat that you are on a DMP with ??? and this is your reference number.

Well done with everything Lost :T

bonsibabe

Hi Lost, didn't want to read and run. I have an OH with PTSD and he is a nightmare! I even took DD1 and DD2 to my parents for a week earlier this year. I was proper prepared to be a single parent but he persuaded me to go back and nothing has changed. I work FT and he works PT. He resents paying me anything towards bills or debts or even the kids. Seems to think that my wages can cover everything. As it is I pay all the bills, rent, ct etc and £10 towards debts, at this rate it will take me 30 years to pay them off. I have also been on anti-depressants but took myself off them as they made me feel woolly if you know what i mean. I have my positive days and negative ones and I find that the negative ones are when OH is there. If I have days when it is just DD1, DD2 and me, I am happy and upbeat. My house is a complete tip as OH thinks that I can work FT, run round after the kids and their clubs, do all the cooking and cleaning, and still go round with a permanent grin on my face. Make me so angry. I've told him countless times that if he doesn't change his ways he will have to leave but he never listens.

You have been doing so well, don't let it get to you huni, you are a fantastic mum who is doing her very best and you can't do more than that. Hope your avon is going well, I'm off to check my paltry 15 items on ebay lol,

Take care and good luck! xxx

Lost_and_nervous

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

Hi Lost

How rude of me to post a question 3 weeks ago and only now get round to reading your reply - Sorry!!!

I wonder if you have ever had counselling?

When you post negative comments about things that have gone wrong or things you want to change but don't have the time you remind me of my DH - he has had depression for 14 years and he is exactly the same.

If something goes wrong, even very small things, to him it is the end of the world whereas I think we just need to stop worrying and move on but he can dwell on things for ages.

DH is on medication which does help so imagine how he would be without this and he has also had counselling which also helped.

Please stop feeling guilty about your DH's debt - I expect some of your debt was for him and the family so it all evens out - if he is not bothered about his debt then you shouldn't be either.

Or failing that if you really want to help why not pay £1 per month to his credit card then you feel like you are paying something :rotfl:

Although you are now on a DMP by the time the debt companies have received letters, have scanned them in and then dealt with them it will likely be 4 weeks so do not worry about the calls at the moment. Try to ignore them or alternatively just repeat that you are on a DMP with ??? and this is your reference number.

Well done with everything Lost :T

Hello, its not rude of you, at all. I am so grateful you give me your time. Its very kind of you. I have never had counselling, OH doesnt believe in it and also could I trust anyone face to face? I am sorry to hear about DH, it must be so hard for you to watch him go through it.

you are so right in everyway but i worry and feel so guilty.

i hope you are ok. Thank you so much xx

Lost_and_nervous

bonsibabe wrote: »

Hi Lost, didn't want to read and run. I have an OH with PTSD and he is a nightmare! I even took DD1 and DD2 to my parents for a week earlier this year. I was proper prepared to be a single parent but he persuaded me to go back and nothing has changed. I work FT and he works PT. He resents paying me anything towards bills or debts or even the kids. Seems to think that my wages can cover everything. As it is I pay all the bills, rent, ct etc and £10 towards debts, at this rate it will take me 30 years to pay them off. I have also been on anti-depressants but took myself off them as they made me feel woolly if you know what i mean. I have my positive days and negative ones and I find that the negative ones are when OH is there. If I have days when it is just DD1, DD2 and me, I am happy and upbeat. My house is a complete tip as OH thinks that I can work FT, run round after the kids and their clubs, do all the cooking and cleaning, and still go round with a permanent grin on my face. Make me so angry. I've told him countless times that if he doesn't change his ways he will have to leave but he never listens.

You have been doing so well, don't let it get to you huni, you are a fantastic mum who is doing her very best and you can't do more than that. Hope your avon is going well, I'm off to check my paltry 15 items on ebay lol,

Take care and good luck! xxx

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your situation with me and for reading my diary. I am so sorry to hear that you have not a very nice or useful OH. You sound like such a busy wonderful person doing the best for your family and being the rock. Its so hard when you dont have the backing of an OH. I really hope it all works out for you, thank you xxx

Lost_and_nervous

i am so sorry I havent been online, I have had a rough couple of weeks and me and OH havent been getting on at all. Its to the point where he is becoming very controlling, watching what I do on the internet, questioning me and telling me what I need to do or should be doing. I have been really low and frustrated worrying about the debts.

I have been harrassed by payday loan company, and even when I tell them I am on a DMP and they receive payments on the 25th they have been rude and told me they will continue to call. So disheartening.

I have managed to make some money on ebay, not very much but its a start.

I have some good news, I am in credit with teh gas and electric! Must be doing something right, £14 on the electric and £79 on the gas. I have also just swapped companies well in the process of switching as they said they can save us £107 a year, plus give us free insulation cavity walls and £125 credited to the account at the end of the first year were with them. Lets hope it works out ok.

Having to keep heating a bit up though as we have been getting a lot of condensation and mould growing. Left heating on same temp on thermostat but kept radiators up a little higher and we didnt have condensation this morning. I just hope it doesnt cost us an arm and a leg.

I have been bulk cooking, and freezing and its working wonderfully. I am so happy that I have been given this task. Its amazing what you can make with a portion of mince and lots of veg. I also found in Mr T's wholemeal pasta for 22p, the same amount in Mr A's 85p! I stocked up and will continue to stock up. I am enjoying making new meals and finding ways of making yummy meals out of mince! Its so much cheaper. I froze some cooked pasta the other day as an experiment so am hoping that will work nicely once defrosted.

Christmas - I am not stressing. I have bought all of DD's stocking presents in poundshops and some beautiful bits, books puzzles really lovely. I think I will start at the begginning of next year and if I see something I think she will like then I will get as they go so quick! I am pleased and will certainly tell OH I have spent more to see if he will give me some money towards it which can then go on the debts.

I am taking each day as it comes and am trying to get further along my path but I find it so hard when all OH does is bring me down. I am just so thankful that I have each and every one of you by my side.

I may go to my church bazaar tomorrow to meet some people. I have seen a leaflet and think I may enjoy it with DD. We can take a nice walk down there.

Hoep you are all ok. xxx

girlatplay

Hi Lost, how lovely to see you!

Sounds like you are doing great with the batch cooking. I really wish I could get the finger out and do that too Good news about the gas and electric.

I don't know that the payday loan company can do that. I'm sure I read on another thread somewhere that that is harrassment and they can't do it. Unfortunately I can't remember which thread it was. If I come across it I will let you know.

Sorry OH is being a pain again. You are so much a better person than him and you deserve to be treated so much better.

Yes, go to the church bazaar tomorrow. It will be lovely for you and Little Lost to be in amongst people who are kind and treat you like a normal human being. I think you will enjoy it.

Take care xx