how do other mums to little ones manage?

morlandbanks

No one explains to people just how HARD it is having 2 children. When you have your first everyone is all over you with help and advice. They assume when you have another one that you know what you're doing. What they don't take into account is that, yes, you've had a baby before, but you didn't already have a child that time around!!
Mine are 2 years 1 month apart and the first year at least was really hard.
Don't expect to be superwoman unless you were born on Krypton. When they're that age, just getting throught the day makes you a star!
Keep going to the clubs. If you walk up to someone and say something like 'I'm new, have you been coming here long', or 'are ours the same age? My boy/girl is 9 mths'. Something like that. Only someone really rude would ignore your efforts to start conversation. I'm quite a confident person, but it still took me a while to feel comfortable at the clubs.
Just bare in mind, it's NOT easy being a mum. None of us gets it absolutely right all of the time. You WILL have 'mothers guilt' about everything you do and you'll probably never feel like you're doing it right. That you care enough to be concerned means you ARE a good mum. well done for doing a really hard job that's rarely appreciated.
Try the clubs again. You'll make friends there that your oldest will be going to nursery and school with soon enough and I'm sure you'll find most people there felt the same as you when they first went.

Miss_Money

kyle wrote:

Well im having a crap day, wrote about my woes on daily thread! cant be bothered writing it again:rotfl: i need to chill:rolleyes:

Kyle

oh kyle im sorry its been a horrid day for you, ive had to scrape porridge off the wall this am so you arnt on your own!
im gonna make myself a cuppa n a mo umm cappuchinoooooooo (a luxury i kno and not very money saving altho having said that it was bogof and i effectivly got them bot free as i used a heck of alot of coupons.....):rotfl:

stilernin

morlandbanks wrote:

No one explains to people just how HARD it is having 2 children. When you have your first everyone is all over you with help and advice. They assume when you have another one that you know what you're doing. What they don't take into account is that, yes, you've had a baby before, but you didn't already have a child that time around!!
Mine are 2 years 1 month apart and the first year at least was really hard.
Don't expect to be superwoman unless you were born on Krypton. When they're that age, just getting throught the day makes you a star!
Keep going to the clubs. If you walk up to someone and say something like 'I'm new, have you been coming here long', or 'are ours the same age? My boy/girl is 9 mths'. Something like that. Only someone really rude would ignore your efforts to start conversation. I'm quite a confident person, but it still took me a while to feel comfortable at the clubs.
Just bare in mind, it's NOT easy being a mum. None of us gets it absolutely right all of the time. You WILL have 'mothers guilt' about everything you do and you'll probably never feel like you're doing it right. That you care enough to be concerned means you ARE a good mum. well done for doing a really hard job that's rarely appreciated.
Try the clubs again. You'll make friends there that your oldest will be going to nursery and school with soon enough and I'm sure you'll find most people there felt the same as you when they first went.

I echo all the above.

Often the regulars who don't approach you are suffering from the same nervousnes/lack of self esteem that prevents you talking to them. We are all the same nervous wrecks inside...

My 'babies' are in their twenties now so I can promise you that there will be some of the horrible times that you'll look back on and laugh. On one particularly stressfull evening.... after tea, but before bedtime and no other half home yet... you get the picture.... The door bell went and above the noise and chaos a very nice lady said 'sorry to disturb you at this time of day dear, but I am collecting for the children's home'. I smiled back and gathering my offspring together, said 'No problem at all. You can have ,these two for a start! Her face was a picture as she insisted that that hadn't been what she meant.

Enjoy your weekend everyone,

Miss_Money

stilernin wrote:

I echo all the above.

Often the regulars who don't approach you are suffering from the same nervousnes/lack of self esteem that prevents you talking to them. We are all the same nervous wrecks inside...

My 'babies' are in their twenties now so I can promise you that there will be some of the horrible times that you'll look back on and laugh. On one particularly stressfull evening.... after tea, but before bedtime and no other half home yet... you get the picture.... The door bell went and above the noise and chaos a very nice lady said 'sorry to disturb you at this time of day dear, but I am collecting for the children's home'. I smiled back and gathering my offspring together, said 'No problem at all. You can have ,these two for a start! Her face was a picture as she insisted that that hadn't been what she meant.

Enjoy your weekend everyone,

lmao!! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
my lot (the dog the 3 cats, oh and baby) get threatend with rehoming on a daily basis!!! its caos but i wouldnt have them any other way!

black-saturn

stilernin wrote:

no other half home yet...

Imagine how difficult it is who don't have a OH. We have to endure all that on our own and sit on our own all evening day after day.

Miss_Money

black-saturn wrote:

Imagine how difficult it is who don't have a OH. We have to endure all that on our own and sit on our own all evening day after day.

yes true(although i effectivally sit on myown in the evenings too as oh i addicted to runescape arrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!)
no seriously i really feel for them *big hugs* to anyone feeling low and lonely

stilernin

black-saturn wrote:

Imagine how difficult it is who don't have a OH. We have to endure all that on our own and sit on our own all evening day after day.

Point taken... although you can have another half and still sit on your own all evening etc etc... but that's another story

No longer bitter and twisted now though .... !!:D

cobbingstones

hi MM

I hope you rushed around like you had a bomb up you bum getting all your jobs done???? ;-)

T

lil_me

black-saturn wrote:

Imagine how difficult it is who don't have a OH. We have to endure all that on our own and sit on our own all evening day after day.

I was a single mum for a time both with one child, and with 2, for just over a year, in all honesty I found it easier as a single mum most of the time, noone else to run around after, cook and clean for, keep happy etc it was just me and my boys, he's rarely in now he's back, he works evenings aswell as days as he is a taxi driver, so apart from the extra work, not much difference. I still don't go out or have a social life, my oldest son won't have anyone in the house (Autism makes it tricky) so can't have friends over, not that I have been able to keep in touch with many apart from online because of this, so nothing has changed there either.

I do know how it feels, and that it can be lonely, but I wouldn't miss spending quality time with my boys for anything. However I do sometimes miss the youngest having a nap, that was my me and oldests time.

Lillibet_2

You're all doing more than me & I've only got one child?:rotfl: Afraid housework does take a back seat, my home just about makes presentable some days (not-so-presentable others:o Am wracking my brains for the last time I vacuumed?:o). Spud tends to have a 2-2.5 hour nap in the middle of the day, even though he sleeps pretty well at night I'm STILL using his nap time to grab an hour or more myself, will I ever stop feeling this tired? Cooking wise, my slow cooker is my best friend and I always cook in bulk & freeze portiosn so that I have hoem made ready meals int eh freezer. And I do resort to pies from our butcher & ready made pizzas etc to fill in on other days.

Re the OP's mother & toddler group question, I too found them to be a bit cliquey & downright intimidating at first. I found one way was rather than a free-for-all group activity to try structured classes, like baby signing, baby gym, music time etc. These usually have a leader & you are follwoing instructions/a theme so you are focused on your child/ren rather than other mums although you can catch each others eye and tend to have coffee/chat time at the end where you have time for a quick hello how old is your baby type thing which over a few weeks can lead to freindships. We now go to a M & T group too, at first I just focused on Spud & played with him & only said the odd word to other mums but over time I have slowly built up communication with them. Another ice breaker was to talk to & play with other chidlren along with my son, this led to mums voluntarily talking to me about their child etc.

Good luck & HTH;)