how do other mums to little ones manage?

3KIDSNOMONEY

Yes Kyle, i feel like all i do is housework and look after the kids. In fact if i stopped doing the housework I don't know what I would actually do for myself. I also have 3 kids from 10 to 3 years. How sad it is that there are so many sahm who are lonely but have no support. Maybe it just seems that everybody else's lives are great when we go to the toddler groups, maybe everyone is too scared to say how lonely they are. I personally think that the lonliness and isolation is what starts the depression.

Miss_Money

i think its made harder by the fact that my best friend has 2 ds's of her own and lives a car journey away we dont see each other often becauseof the kids differing routines and the fact that one might be ill etc. it doesnt help the loneliness. we talk nearly every day on the phone but its nothing like getting out together.

wendym

I don't know whether you might chat to or meet other people at mumsnet:

http://www.mumsnet.com/*

My daughter (currently sahm to 2 girls, 4 and 2 and a half), stayed in touch with the women she met at ante-natal classes, even though they weren't exactly soulmates.

I'm sure you're right that there's a lot of faking the perfect life at toddler groups. I met one other mum like me and we kept each other sane....we met in a supermarket, and just got chatting, so you never know!

*I've just looked, and if you click on 'meet someone in your area' there's a huge list.

culpepper

Oh I remember that! :rolleyes:

Well kids are more important than tidiness.
I used to cook dinner after kids were in bed,then OH and I would have our dinner together and I would put the kids dinner in the fridge for next day.They would have their cooked meal at midday and sandwiches ,etc for tea.I'd put my sandwiches in the fridge for when they were having their dinner next day.

You do need to go out as it helps tire the littlies and gives you a break.It is such a relief to be able to talk with someone over 4 years old too,even if it is just the shop keeper. We used to visit my neighbour a couple of times a week just to chat and have a cup of tea. She loved the little ones as her own grandchildren were older and lived miles away.

My oh used to work awful shifts and could be on nights for 10 nights in a row and asleep all day ,it was like being a one parent family.
I used to take a flask and sandwich to bed when the bub was still waking up and needing a feed at night.

Let the littlies help with cleaning and tidying. They can polish and pick up and put things (already sorted) in the washing machine with your help. My son (when he was 2)used to like the hoover,I think he felt powerful ,working a machine so I bought him one of those little realistic hoovers which made a noise and 'worked'. We bought them both little garden tools and baking tools too which is very useful when you are wanting to do those things as they 'let you' use your tools while they are using theirs.

jcr16

i'm a sahm . i have 2 children 3 and 17 months. and my oldest is at nursery every morning 9 till half 11. and one day a week half 8 till 1. so the day she at nursery longest is my job day in town. the other days if i need to go into town i go once she has been dropped off. if not then i come home i clean fro 9 till 10 then 10 till 11 is time with my son. and once i have collected my daugther we have lunch and son has then has a nap. in the time i hoover downstair and wash floor's. i very rarely go out in an afternoon so that i can prepare the evening meal. once meal is eaten , hubby then plays games with children while i clean and tidy kitchen. washing machine then goes on. kids have bath on bath night's. then once kids in bed i put clean washing on the airer and then get things ready for next day.or cook any cakes/biscuits that need making.

sometimes i bake in the afternoon. depends on what the kids are up to.i try not to let it stress me out. but my daugther is the last to bed which is half 7. so anything that i haven't done i get done then. but i try not to clean after 8 as i want time with hubby. while watching tv or a dvd i will do any clothes repairs that need it. i shop online at tesco which helps and i get this delivered at night so i can sort it while kids asleep.

i find by writing lists i can get things done as when i cross them off i feel like i have achived something.

my daugther loves helping to wash the floors and my son loves to hoover. if i turn the hoover on he spends ages just pushing it along. ok it noisy and prob uses loads of elec. but he is so happy.

shell2001

Find out if you have a surestart group near you. they usually run various courses and offer free creche facilities. At the moment my local lot are running an exercise class once a week. It is bliss to have an hour to do something for me but know the little one is next door if she needs me.

By the way I have an almost 4 year old and a 2 year old (18 months between them). It is easier as they will play together now, sometimes they need me to referree but I keep telling myself this time next year it will be a lot easier.

I know what you mean about toddler groups, I used to force myself to go for the littles sake. Luckily I found a structured mums and tots group where there are craft activities, story time and song time. This means you do things with the kids too rather than being sat at the side like a lemon. They were asking for committee members so I said I would like to help. Maybe find out if there is a group like this near you.

Your doing a great job!

Littlebean_2

I agree with others about toddler groups. It can be very 'hit and miss', particularly with me having 2 very close together. I have found one now that is OK but I still feel I need to persevere with it. DS1 enjoys it I think but some of the other children are little horrors and make a bee-line for DS2 in his car seat the minute my back is turned. A couple of the mums are friendly enough but some are downright rude so I just try and cultivate a thick skin and concentrate on playing with DS1. Even if the session doesn't go too well I still feel better for getting out of the house (and I can count my blessings that the little horrors aren't coming home with me - LOL!).

black-saturn

Must admit I felt left out too at toddler group especially with me being a bit on the Gothy side (I tried to dress down to go there). I think I scared the other mums. I seemed to get on better when they started at playgroup.

wendym

I've just been talking to my daughter on the phone about the nightmare psycho mums on the PTA committee (we're talking about a 4 year old in a nursery class) and I just love the idea of black-saturn scaring them!

benbenandme

I totally understand where you're coming from ... my ds is 3 now but my partner left us out of the blue just before his second birthday :mad: (met someone else at work and left us just like that!). I work 2 days a week and although we do go to toddler groups and ds goes to nursery a couple of mornings I still feel tremendous guilt that I don't do enough with him, take him out enough etc.
Its not helped by my ex who delights in telling me he thinks I'm a cr*p mother (but then I didnt walk away and give up on ds did I?) and my mother who doesn't believe its right to go to work when you have kids and makes constant reminders of this. I would love to be able to afford not to go to work but life isnt like that is it?
When I am at home I play with ds for a bit but then my mind wanders and I worry about money (who doesn't?). Other than my mortgage I don't have any debts but am always looking for extra ways to make some more money ... surveys, ebay etc, and spend loads of time on the net doing this.
guilt, guilt, guilt!!!