My home is a mess

alec_eiffel

But I don't know what lurks behind the sofa dibuzz! Ha!

I know it's my house, the thing is I want it to be done, it's just we've been out gadding recently so I haven't done anything that I've wanted to get done so we can live in a nice place. The MIL was just a handy deadline. I'm really glad we replaced the lino and stuff in the bunny pen a few weeks ago or that would be another half day job.

She really does wish she had better things to do sadly. Her husband died two years ago and prior to that she'd been his carer, so she has a lot of hours to fill each day, poor girl. It's taking a lot to get her over here, it's not really something she wants to do, but she does want us to make memories in case something happens to one of us. So she's pushing herself for our sake.

I think I'll leave a spade and some compost outside and hope she feels the urge to get into the garden :-)

Emm-in-a-pickle

Dibuzz - Every single little thing that you remove from your room because you don`t want it in there is a victory to feel good about.

Stephb - it must be hard for you, and maybe for your FIL too. Your new husband doing long night shifts/sleeping in the day probably doesn`t see it. I`d suggest leaving it till he starts the day job then having a bit of deep speech.
A few questions:
Before you moved in -
a) Who did the cleaning? What was it like when you fist moved in? Did they just muddle along and only do it when it was desperate, did they blitz it before you moved in then leave it to you?
b)Is it your FIL`s normal thing to stay in his room all day? Is he really just trying to keep out of your way, and is this his way of trying to be considerate or is it because he feels awkward?
c)What does your hubby think? You need to talk it through with him.
It`s early days for all 3 of you, and you are family now not just 3 strangers house-sharing. Why not try `inviting` FIL out of his room, say when you`re having a cuppa and a snack and would he like to join you... then wash up after yourselves & get him to dry while you`re chatting, get to know each other better, and maybe ask him to do something (Keep it simple, like carry the hoover up/downstairs, or the bin out) and try to get him to actually SEE what you are doing around the house. He`s a bloke, he may be genuinely not seeing things!

Tattycath, I`m sure your friend is really glad to have a friend like you to help her get back on track. It is funny though, how we are comforted about our own messyness when noticing other people`s - in the garden the other day I had a little natter with mrs next-door - and noticed that their patio bit is full of weeds, as her hubby is concentrating his efforts on the veg patch down at the bottom end.

Alec E, your MIL sounds less scarey now, Bless her, I think letting her loose in your garden sounds a good plan!

Here, there`s not much to report. TWO wet rugs this morning, so I`m glad it`s a good drying day. Taking OH for an appt. this afternoon, so better go and sort myself out.
Have a nice afternoon all. x

Stephb1986_2

Emm-in-a-pickle wrote: »

Stephb - it must be hard for you, and maybe for your FIL too. Your new husband doing long night shifts/sleeping in the day probably doesn`t see it. I`d suggest leaving it till he starts the day job then having a bit of deep speech.
A few questions:
Before you moved in -
a) Who did the cleaning? What was it like when you fist moved in? Did they just muddle along and only do it when it was desperate, did they blitz it before you moved in then leave it to you?
They just muddled through mainly me and my husband did the dishes on a Friday/Saturday that his dad had left festering all week, it was rare the house got blitzed unless I set too and started it (we have been together 7 years) but I only stayed at weekends.
b)Is it your FIL`s normal thing to stay in his room all day? Is he really just trying to keep out of your way, and is this his way of trying to be considerate or is it because he feels awkward? No it's normal for him to stay in his room or he should be at work but can't be bothered to go
c)What does your hubby think? You need to talk it through with him. At the moment I think he's burrying his head in the sand because I've told him I'm not happy being here I'm away from my family I don't really know anyone round here and I'm on my own all night (FIL came in at 4am this morning) so it's really lonely so my husbands idea was to renovate the house and get it sold so we can buy something together.
It`s early days for all 3 of you, and you are family now not just 3 strangers house-sharing. Why not try `inviting` FIL out of his room, say when you`re having a cuppa and a snack and would he like to join you... then wash up after yourselves & get him to dry while you`re chatting, get to know each other better, and maybe ask him to do something (Keep it simple, like carry the hoover up/downstairs, or the bin out) and try to get him to actually SEE what you are doing around the house. He`s a bloke, he may be genuinely not seeing things!

I've tried with him, I've tried in the evening when my husband is at work sitting downstairs with him (if he's in) and watching what ever he puts on the telly and having a chat with him. The first week I moved in he hoovered and done some dishes which was a brilliant start and helped me out loads. Since then it's gone downhill big style he's not contributed to the house at all no food no gas no electric) but he's helping himself to food I've bought in for tea (I'm cooking for him even though I don't want to because I'm not a cow) but I'm currently not working so my money is soon going to run out. But he's been working and not paying a penny

It's just not the life I'm use to having and not really what I signed up for either. Why can't life just be simple

theboakster

I'm new to this thread (hi all!) and my house is a state....

In particular, my kitchen gives me nightmares. It's really small, badly designed and we don't have a dishwasher. I can never seem to stay on top of the washing up. There's always tons. So I get stuck on Flylady baby step 1 as I can rarely get to my sink!

I do all the cooking and pretty much all the cleaning and washing up. I just get tired of constantly doing it. Everything is grubby. The cupboards are all higgeldy-piggeldy and things are always falling out...

HELP!

I'm currently ebaying some of the big things that I don't use (juicer, slow cooker etc) to make some money (and space) but I don't have money to buy any new organising solutions...

What can I do to get myself in a better place?

theboakster

Stephb - hugs to you. Sorry, didn't mean to post the above without saying anything about your situation xx

Emm-in-a-pickle

No wonder you`re fed up!
OK, so you`ve known FIL long enough from weekending there so you should be able to discuss things, not like starting from scratch. And he did make a bit of effort the first week, so there must be some goodwill there, only now he`s gone back to doing his own thing...
You say your hubby has plans to renovate the house and sell - who actually owns the house? And is FIL aware of the plan and what does he intend to do?
Whatever, your hubby will be on days soon, get his head out of the sand and then the 3 of you must talk it through together calmly. Let both of them be clear that you aren`t willing to carry on as you are.Good luck.

Chi-me

Hello, can I join you?

I've been lurking on this thread for a while. We moved from our house into a rented 1 bed flat 18 months ago. As you can imagine there are cardboard boxes of 'stuff' everywhere. Our bedroom looks like a storage locker! However, the lounge and kitchen look presentable, unless you open a cupboard door :o

I've been doing the Flylady baby steps challenges and my bed is made immediately we're up. The sink is shined and empty. I've hoovered this morning before work. We've washed the skirtings and doors this week and yesterday I washed the washing machine draw of it's gunk, crikey that needed doing :eek: *eww*

Today I'm going to tidy my pots and pans cupboard, my toes will thank me when the avalanche of heavy metal stops :rotfl: I've made more space by putting my (original 1970's orange and brown :cool: ) Kenwood Chef on the counter as we're using it to home prep cakes and bread and so the big cupboard that formerly lurked in is now free. I'm listing lots of *clutter* things on Gumtree including boxes of books and have bagged up other things for the local cs.

Things have been weighing heavily on OH and me for the past year aided and abetted by him having to go off sick with an injury for several weeks recently on statutory sick pay :eek: As a result, our debts have not been addressed, however Stepchange are calling next week to help with that. We've looked at our budget and even though I can only work part time as I'm disabled, on paper we can sort this mess.

Now we're working on sorting the chaos at home out too, I'm also cutting our shopping bills right down and I feel absolutely elevated to feel I'm actually driving my life rather than life driving me (down usually ) :T:T:T

Chi-me

theboakster wrote: »

I'm new to this thread (hi all!) and my house is a state....

In particular, my kitchen gives me nightmares. It's really small, badly designed and we don't have a dishwasher. I can never seem to stay on top of the washing up. There's always tons. So I get stuck on Flylady baby step 1 as I can rarely get to my sink!

I do all the cooking and pretty much all the cleaning and washing up. I just get tired of constantly doing it. Everything is grubby. The cupboards are all higgeldy-piggeldy and things are always falling out...

HELP!

I'm currently ebaying some of the big things that I don't use (juicer, slow cooker etc) to make some money (and space) but I don't have money to buy any new organising solutions...

What can I do to get myself in a better place?

Hello there!

It looks like we're in the same boat! I'm sorting ONE cupboard today, in a minute in fact. I will report back when I've done it... not in the mood but I'm blimmin' well doing it whether I like it or not

I hope you get some good advice here, I'm tired a lot and only this week the shiny sink has genuinely made me smile each morning rather than the grotty pots strewn around the kitchen. I'm up earlier so I can hoover and do one other small thing each day.

Best wishes to you and well done coming on here for support.

MandM90

theboakster wrote: »

I'm new to this thread (hi all!) and my house is a state....

In particular, my kitchen gives me nightmares. It's really small, badly designed and we don't have a dishwasher. I can never seem to stay on top of the washing up. There's always tons. So I get stuck on Flylady baby step 1 as I can rarely get to my sink!

I do all the cooking and pretty much all the cleaning and washing up. I just get tired of constantly doing it. Everything is grubby. The cupboards are all higgeldy-piggeldy and things are always falling out...

HELP!

I'm currently ebaying some of the big things that I don't use (juicer, slow cooker etc) to make some money (and space) but I don't have money to buy any new organising solutions...

What can I do to get myself in a better place?

Hi there,

I set a time to do my washing up. Every morning I turn the hot water on at 6.30am when we wake. Then I wash up, we all have a shower, then it's off again for the rest of the day. And there's always enough hot water left in the tank to soak the pans that night so they're easy to do the next morning. I try to either use one pot meals/the slow cooker. This has helped me greatly.

My pantry is in a bit of a mess and I'm working on it now. I might get some of those wire shelves (saw them for about £5 in ASDA) to double up on shelving. My mum uses old ice cream tubs/tupperware to store small packs of spices, dried food etc. The key though is to have less stuff. Have you thought about eating out of the cupboard for a challenge and trying to pare down what you have? Good luck :T

This:

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/8323370.htm

hung over a door - or something similar - might save some of your cupboards. Not sure how sturdy it is but you could hang tea towels on the bottom and put packet food etc in the shelves?

dibuzz

I've had a strange day, felt really restless and had to keep moving even though I had less than 2 hours sleep.
It was lovely out this morning so I cleaned eldest son's car, moved a bit of stuff around in my room then went to see my neighbours in the care home this afternoon. I love seeing them but always come out crying, I hate leaving them there especially Barbara as she always begs me to take her home. I don't think she knows who I am now but knows she knows me if that makes sense. It's almost a year since they went in and I know it was for the best but it's still hard to see them like that.