First Time post on here - felt sick and a loser

Bogof_Babe

weymuffred wrote:

You just cannot help it can you?
Thank god for the nice people who are understanding, helpful non judgemental etc.

I was genuinely impressed with Pigpen's post, and am, I believe, permitted to tell her so. It takes courage to be so open and honest, even about feeding her family on Tesco Value everything, and how she handles it if they complain. Any judging I did was purely about her and her impressive management skills. The post was on a public forum, and even though my reply did not relate to you, you chose to perceive that it did. Arguably it is "your" thread, so I apologise for my thoughtlessness in replying to another poster on it, rather than to you.

Sorry Fred but you seem to be looking for offence where none exists. In your situation no doubt you are feeling touchy and reading implied slights where none are meant, so I hope you will reconsider your negative feelings about me, but I'm not going to lose sleep if you don't.

I will keep off your threads in future. Good luck.

gallygirl

weymuffred wrote:

My dad has offered to pay the train fare for us to go up but I couldnt imagine taking money off a dying man.

So, wait till he dies and then inherit the value of the trainfare . Please don't let your pride get in your way - your dad needs to see you and you need to see your dad. It really IS as simple as that.

I was always too proud to take money off my dad. When he was dying in hospital I got the chance to go to Royal Ascot and he offered to buy my hat. Instead of saying no, as usual, I said yes, bought the hat and then paraded up and down the hospital ward in it to everyone's amusement. It gave him such pleasure to do something for me - give your dad the chance to do the same for you while you still can (probably best to avoid the wide brimmed hat though )

pigpen

weymuffred wrote:

Thanks for you post. I am just wondering if you are looking at my updated soa? We have cut out the pocket money now. I do try and get out and walk but it is becoming impossible for me to walk any length without it causing me a great deal of pain in the lumber region of my back. i am enrolled in my local chronic pain clinic. I suffer from cervical spondylosis. I also suffer from mild aspergers. social anxiety disorder and depression, and if it wasnt for my wonderful wife, i doubt i would be able to cope with life.
My dad has offered to pay the train fare for us to go up but I couldnt imagine taking money off a dying man.

Apologies, I did miss that bit off your updated SOA.. I am genuinely impressed with the cutbacks you are making.

As Ali007 says it isn't taking money from a dying man.. it is granting him his dying wish.. to be able to see his son who he must love very much, despite anything that happened in the past. Take him up on his offer and go see him. Think how you would feel if it was one of your children who was unable to come visit you, would you offer them the money if you were able?

I empathise with the walking causing pain, I have arthritis in most of my major joints.. legs, feet hands and wrists and some days I just do not want to move from my bed.. I find the exercise really helps with my mood on the really bad days.. As does singing.. but you might be a dreadful singer so I didn't want to suggest that in case you scared the neighbours and the poor dog! lol

Go see your dad he needs to see you, he wouldn't have offered the money if he didn't want you to go. Make some special memories, say those things you will regret not saying.

june1970_2

why do you need to spend £750 on clothes.

And £680 on housekeeping is still very high, surely this can come down a lot more

miggy

Just adding my voice to those who are saying to take your Dad up on his offer. It won't be easy for you but he wouldn't have offered if he didn't mean it. I lost my Dad last year and I'm so glad I had the chance to go and see him first.

hypno06

Fred, I lost my dad 2 years ago this week. He died suddenly at a very young age - here one minute, gone the next. I had no time to say goodbye and had to tell him for the last time that I loved him when he was laid out in the hospital room, cold.

Please, if you want to see your Dad, get there somehow. Pride, sacrifice of something else this month, ANYTHING. The feelings you will have afterwards if you do not do this may make your whole emotional state far worse. It will add to your depression and you do not want to have a guilt element contributing to it as well as the natural grieving element.

pigpen

june1970 wrote:

why do you need to spend £750 on clothes.

And £680 on housekeeping is still very high, surely this can come down a lot more

I agree these can come down still more, but they have been reduced greatly over the last few weeks and progress means changing your lifestyle which is very hard to do when you have lived a certain way for so long.

Fred and his family WILL reduce these further given time, it will come naturally if he really wants it and works at it. I think most people would struggle to cut their spending by 75% in a few weeks which is what is needed here.

He doesn't NEED to spend that much.. that is why he is here and asking for our help in cutting back.

goonieman

miggy wrote:

This isnt available in all areas - as we found when one of our kids persuaded us to get Sky and we did the sums and realised the whole package would save us money! So we have Sky and have to pay someone else for broadband... hope it's available where you are though

I'm sure you can get Sky connect for £17 a month untill your exchange is updated.

miggy

goonieman wrote:

I'm sure you can get Sky connect for £17 a month untill your exchange is updated.

Thanks, I'll look into it.

plumduff-2

Heres my thoughts (and I say this as a debt adviser)

1. Gas and electric is very high... you say you have arraers and so cannot change supplier, so heres my view... How much per week of these paymetns goes to the arrears...? I ask because the minimum ANY supplier can accept to the arrears is £3 PER WEEK.. so if you are paying more they are taking the p1$$... Get in touch with your suppliers and ask them to reduce the arrears payments to £3 per week as you are on income support... They can do this without having to install a metere and if they say they cant then threaten to complain to OFGEM & Energywatch about it.. This low repaymetn is in line with Fuel Direct levels.. the amount they can collect to pay direct from your benefit and you can pay for gas and elec through your Income support (before you get it) they should take weekly consumption charge plus £3 to the arrears... Do not be fobbed off into paying more than this level.. Contact suppliers immediately...

2. phone / sky / internet... get a combined package - dont sky have there own..? I pay for phone and interent together for £40 pm... free local calls alll day for upto 75 mins a time... at minute 74, put the phone down and ring back to start it again... This figure is cheaper than your phone/interent -p[ackage so look around - try uswitch...

3. food - im sorry to say this, but you still need to try to reduce this...Not because you shouldnt buy £680 per month of food, but because you simply do not have the money... It is £157 per week, and I will re-iterate.. this is an adequate amount for a family your size, but if you dont have the money, then you simply cant maintain it, and to try to , will only lead you into insolvency...

My tips... which I do myself...

buy supermarket own brands... buy cheap meat (mince is good and very versatile) buy pulses (lentils, split peas etc..) very very cheap, very fulfilling and very good for you... if you use pulses in one pot recipes, you will need less meat, so even more of a bargain... use pasta more often - again very filling and very cheap... Look on old style MSE - theres loads of great recipes... also look at buying frozen meat as it is cheaper... Dont buy ready made sauces, and marinade food in what ever is in the cupboard... ive got chicken in peanut butter/curry pawder as wee speak... doing a Jamaican dish tonight..

Have a read through MSE old style, you'll pick up loads of tips...

Last point - clothes - again £62.50 per month is not excessive for a family of 6 - however, if you havent got it, then it is a problem... Have you got a Primark near you or H&M... always look on the sale rails first... TK Maxx is also good for bargain hunters...

Good luck..