Please Delete

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Will you forgive him when he pins you down, pulls your hair, drags you into the corner of the room and beats you so hard your eye pops out of its sockets, three teeth get knocked out, he's broken your arm and then finds something to torture you with?

I'm sorry but for gods sake if you keep going back to him the above COULD happen.

You DONT live with him
You DONT have mutual friends
You DONT need to socialise in the same areas
So WHY do you keep trying to talk to him?!

He's already reported you to the police. He's TOLD you to stay away from him (your first post you said this) so DONT reply to any messages, ifyou see him in a pub etc LEAVE.

If you dont then this will only get worse. You've said it would be different if he followed his threats hrough - HOW is it different? He's not only verbally abusing you - he's urinated on you!

What more do you want? black eye / broken arm / teeth knocked out?

I've been that 17 year old, I wish i'd of listened to people telling me to leave - you have it so much easier than i did (I lived with my ex and felt i couldnt escape) yet your making the same mistakes. If he turns up at your house, dont get into a conversation with him, dont open the door just ring the police.

sjc3

blackvelvet wrote: »

He logged into his friends facebook account (after watching him type his password in) especially to delete me off his friend list. I could not see this was jealousy because I did not know the reason why he did not want me and his friend talking so me and his friend continued to talk as friends.

Once we got back to mine the problems started. He started to get violent towards me over nothing, threatening to hit me and smash my house up. This was when I realised he was into drugs.

He deleted me and all our friends in common (most of which were his good friends) as he did not want any of them sending him messages about what had happened in my house.

I told him what pub I was at and as I walked outside I bumped into his best friend again then a few minutes later the OH turns up and storms into the pub. He probably thought I was out with his friend but he never gives us a chance to explain things or even listens. He was in a mood with himself for the rest of the night and got jealous when other lads spoke to me, even trying to fight with them.

I left them but they followed me and my friends to the pizza shop. My OH came in and asked me to go back to his. I refused so he decided to urinate on me and his friend in the pizza shop! Luckily it was only my shoe but it was a disgusting thing to do

The police had barred him from all pubs/bars (for a few year I think) because of his violence but had only recently been allowed back in.

I have never been in trouble with the police or took drugs as I am against it.

We ended up back together at christmas and while I was at his, his best friend had sent me a facebook message with his new phone number and it came through to the facebook application on my phone. He sent his number because he had lost his phone and since my OH had deleted him off facebook the only way he could send it to me was facebook, that way I could pass it on to my OH.

A few nights after I went to our other friends and we phoned my ex to invite him around. As soon as he came he started to get violent with me and tried to hit me. He even took my phone off me and threatened to smash it. I was scared but had no way of phoning the police as he had my phone and I could not run as he had hold of me. Our friend had hold of his arms to stop him from hitting me. He calmed down and we tried to talk but he started insulting me and as I left he ran after me and threw his drink in my face.

After this night we had no contact with each other, we both deactivated our facebook accounts and deleted each others phone number. The problems started again near the end of January when he heard I had told our friends what he had done to me, so he went back on his facebook and wrote disgusting status updates about me, insulting me and saying I aborted his baby when that's not true.

In february I bumped into him in a local pub which he very rarely drinks in. I had the car as I was only going in for one drink but as I parked up he was standing outside and he seen me so he ran over to my car and punched my car window to try and smash it. I drove off but he ran after me.

About 3 weeks ago he phoned me and said he loved me and asked if I'd meet up to sort things out and be civil. He sounded sober was really nice to me on the phone. I agreed to pick him up 45 minutes later but by the time I got there he must have downed a few more drinks and shots as he was violent with me as soon as he got in my car. He was punching my window and bashing my car and I thought he would hit me. He made me drive but he was shouting at me so I had to pull over again. He threw his phone off my window then and asked me to go for a drink with him. I refused so he got out the car and tried to take my car door off.

He was quite nasty with me but I still offered to take it over to his dads for him. I took it straight over and asked if we could talk but he just took the phone and walked off. Then he phoned me, threatening to hit me, threatening to come to my house and even accusing me of changing his passwords on his email and facebook.

He has got a Jekyll and Hyde Personality. He is so nice and quiet when sober but after a few pints he starts getting nasty, insulting and violent.

He obviously has issues as well as his drink/drug problem.

The police said they are not here to take sides but if I have changed his passwords then to give him them as they have advised him what to do (Surely all he needs to do is contact facebook to prove the account is his).

I told the police all about his threatening phone calls and how violent he is when he see's me. All they said was to change my phone number and to phone the police if he threatens me again then he would be arrested.

They even said they know all about him as they know him through being in trouble in the past and they did seem to side with me.

:eek::eek::eek:

You have nothing to worry about, you have not been in trouble with the police yoruself, unlike your !!!!!! of an ex. As highlighted above the police know him and all his odities. They are not taking sides. They have advised you to change your phone number and phone them if he threatens you again and he will be arrested.

Personally I cant believe your main worry, considering all this complete waster has put you through, is that he has accused you of changing a password.

Id be far more concerned that he might turn up at your door and do something really silly. As if he hasn't already done enough

Nimeth

blackvelvet wrote: »

I have already deleted facebook and blocked him, I even deleted my photo albums. My settings have always been set to 'only friends' plus only friends can message me & find me in search.

The reason I kept going back is because I forgive too easy and I only really seen him when he was sober. I guess I still loved him even after he hurt me so it wasn't so easy walking away. Even though he threatened me and was violent towards me I couldn't instantly fall out of love. Yes I hated what he done but I didn't hate him. If he had carried out his threats then that would have been a different story.

I suspect (you can correct me if I'm wrong) that the part you loved was the sober friend you used to know. It's not easy to let that part go and on that basis you find it easier to forgive him because he's 'not always like that'. Having zero contact isn't easy, but the longer you go with no contact the easier it gets.

Perhaps you feel you want to help your 'friend', the sober side of him anyway, but the reality is that you can't. He has to help himself, has to want to help himself. If he isn't going to be bothered, you're better off away from it completely.

I agree with Mimi's advice, if he turns up at your door, just call the police, they'll come since he is previously known to them.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Nimeth wrote: »

I agree with Mimi's advice, if he turns up at your door, just call the police, they'll come since he is previously known to them.

For reference - Even if he wasnt known to the police, the police would still attend

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Then dont hang out in the same pubs as him. If you see him - LEAVE the pub - It's hardly rocket science. If he follows you then head to the nearest bouncer and tell them he's scaring you etc - if they dont do anything then ring the police.

If his own mother's got rid of him then it's a stark warning to you.

Dont worry about him - if he's big enough to throw threats then he's big enough to look after him self

Just out of curiosity - what was the reason for the MSE post? every thing were telling you, your defending. If you was talking to a friend - and the friend was telling you everything you've told us - what would your advice be to the friend?

sassyblue

blackvelvet wrote: »

I posted because I was worried that he would get me in trouble for something he may have done on my computer (changing his own passwords). He has felt the need to report me so it seems like he is up to something to get me arrested first since I only threatened to get the police and never actually done it.

If the case is ongoing and it comes back that he changed his passwords on my computer to put the blame on me then how would I prove it was him that done it? I can't so it would be my word against his but like I have already stated he had been logging into his accounts from my computer all the time we have been together so if they can check when his accounts were accessed from my computer it would go back to when we first got together and not just recently when his passwords were changed (if he did use my computer to change them).

TBH you sound like you're 15 years old here. The case won't be 'ongoing'....... it might surprise you to know that the police have REAL IMPORTANT things to sort out than who changed passwords on someones computer. :rotfl:

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

The police will not arrest you for changing a password on a computer. It's something extremely trivial and to be honest im surprised they even attended.

Did they leave a number? a calling card? their badge numbers?

If your that concerned why not just ring them and ask?

kizkiz

the police attended because it was a domestic incident.
They have no choice but to speak to both parties if one of them phones police.
I spend half my life reporting non crime domestics, ie: arguments between partners, ex's, family members.
A lot are genuine victims, and a lot are just people who cannot sort their own lives out and call police every time they get drunk.
The op needs to help herself as everyone has told her, and never speak to this man again.
As i said before, visit your local police station and check if anything was reported. You can also speak to the domestic violence unit and be given useful phone numbers if you don't want to speak to police. There are plenty of support groups out there.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I find it odd that they havent left anything. They should leave a contact card with their details on it - Otherwise how else do you know which officers attended? How would you know the incident number? I can honestly say i've never ever known the police to not leave sometime with their name &/ number on.

Regardless, It doesnt sound like they will do anything, but if your worried then njust give he force a call - I'm assuming you know which force it was?

meritaten

hun - have NOTHING to do with this guy - or his supposed 'best friend' who was causing so much trouble! dont you know when you are being 'played'?
STAY well away from them!
and please hun - when a guy !!!!es on you in public - its NOT a declaration of love - its more like a dog marking his territory! have some self respect!
Now you sound like a nice person - I hope you have learned that nice men dont behave like this!