Please Delete

thorsoak

Change your phone/sim card. Get another no - and stay away from facebook!

Do not make any arrangements to see him OR his friend - or it will start all over again.

Jerryjerryjerry

blackvelvet wrote: »

Just to clear things up abit.. I deleted his phone number when we ended the relationship at new year so I have not text or phoned him since. It was always him contacting me on a withheld number and turning up at my house.

I have had no contact with him for 3 month as we both deactivated facebook and I deleted his phone number. The only time I have had to contact him is when he left his phone in my car around 4 weeks ago and I had to get in contact with him somehow to let him know.

I blocked him and then deactivated my facebook 3 month ago. Facebook is the cause for many relationship problems so I won't be going back on permanently. I login to check the photos my friends upload from our nights out, so I won't be permanently deleting it.

I think you sound like the sort of person who can't have a proper relationship. You'd find it boring. You seem to crave this attention from him. That's the only reason you keep going back for more. Of course its never you who contacts him...but I bet more than once you've placed yourself where he can see you so that he'll be tempted once more.

You are both as bad as each other. He needs a person to put down and you need someone to put you down.

Even if you do leave this man, you'll find another one just like him and it will go on and on until you're finally exhausted or grow up/get counselling.

JoJoB

Just great, the imbecilic comments on here towards a victim of harrassment and violence. No wonder a lot of women don't report this sort of behaviour until it's too late, if they are going to be told they "love it really". Pathetic.

Sambucus_Nigra

JoJoB wrote: »

Just great, the imbecilic comments on here towards a victim of harrassment and violence. No wonder a lot of women don't report this sort of behaviour until it's too late, if they are going to be told they "love it really". Pathetic.

Totally agree.

I would love a 'NO I ****ING DON'T' back from the OP.....or words to that effect.

belfastgirl23

I have to be honest here, yes he is an abusive idiot but you have done yourself no favours whatsoever. You established really quickly what he was like and yet you continue to keep in touch with him. Did it really not occur to you that when he came along and found you talking to the friend he was jealous of, that he would cause a scene, given that you knew he was prone to acting on this? Why did you show him the facebook message from his friend? It seems to me like you have actually been trying to get a reaction out of him. NB I am not saying that he was in any way justified but I also don't think you should excuse yourself here either.

I'm not saying this to be nasty to you BTW, but I do think that you need to take responsibility for the bits that are yours if you want to go on to have a relationship with someone else.

BTW if the people/friends he drinks with are also violent, why were you wanting to be friends with them in the first place??

Nimeth

blackvelvet wrote: »

I met up with him as I thought he was sober. He is a totally different person when sober and we could of had a talk about why he is being violent towards me and making my life hell. If I had known he had been drinking I wouldn't have went to meet him.

He quite clearly has something wrong with him if drink/drugs turn him into a nasty violent person. He's not just like this with me, he seems to cause or find trouble with anyone. Being put on Pub Watch by the Police just shows what kind of person he is but I did not know all of this about him until I started to see for myself what he's like in drink.

If you choose to walk away from him, you need to do it completely, no contact, no talks, nothing. If he calls you, don't answer, if he leaves messages, do not respond. The fact that you went to meet him because you thought he was sober is simply making excuses for him. I know that might come off as harsh, it certainly isn't intended to. I totally empathise as some people who engage in violent behaviour when drunk can be extremely charming when sober, a Jekyll and Hyde personality. Victims of domestic violence, both physical and mental, often don't see clearly what others do, it's hard for them to. You've known this fellow a few years, always seemed like a nice enough chap, then you get into a relationship and are suddenly hit with this totally unexpected, different personality.

It may be hard for you to see it, as his ex, but it is manipulative behaviour. Think about it this way, he gets violent when he drinks, he obviously knows this as the two of you had a chat about it. So he's well aware of the problem, yet he still continues to drink, knowing what is most likely to occur and still continues to do nothing about the problem. He sweet talks you when sober and tries to use you as a punching bag when not. You're now frightened of him and all his 'mates', so he is still exercising some form of mental control over you.

He doesn't seem bothered enough to sort himself out, so you really do need to completely cut him out of your life. Don't give him that chance to see you and have another go. You deserve better than that.

threemuttleys

whatever the situation/reasons behind whatever is going on...this man !!!!ed on you. In public.

if you do not want to be a toilet, then dont be one.

you dont have children, you dont live together, so you have no reason to contact him.

(BTW, I would have binned the phone)

threemuttleys

whether he did or not..who on earth pees in a pizza shop?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Here's my tuppance worth.

Delete FB - or Block him AND your mutual friends. Change your account settings to FRIENDS only (not friends of friends)

AND for what its worth - you can still see friends pictures without having a FB account - there's a link at the bottom of each album they can share with "non facebookers" to view so please dont use that as an excuse.

I've been in a similar situation as you - but rather than the threat of violence, there was actual blows - I can not fatham WHY you invited him into your car when you KNEW what he was like. WHY do you keep going back to him? Do you want him to hurt you?! It soon escaltes. You seem (from your posts) very young? Use this as a learning experience, walk away and never ever look back.

IF you keep going back to him, then im sorry to say this but you are only asking for trouble. Your in a better situation than most D.V cases. you dont live with him, he hasnt worn you down, you CAN walk away - but your not. Why is that?

belfastgirl23

You know all of your posts sound a bit 'this is what has been done to me'. And you're saying you don't know what will happen next. But the thing about what happens next is that it's what you decide that happens next. And if you keep drifting aimlessly, meeting up with him, fighting with him etc etc then that's what will happen next. You need to figure this out. You need to decide either that you're up for being a punchbag or you're not. If you're not then you need to do as mimi says above.

You have made rather a lot of poor decisions but as mimi says the consequences to date have been minimal (the police issue is horses**t as far as I can make out). You need to look back, reflect and see where your poor decision making has contributed to your problems. And you need to do things differently next time if you want different outcomes.

((why on earth do you feel guilty by the way? You don't have to be nasty, you just have to ignore him)