Trust issues; accused of being paranoid

barbiedoll

So you and OH had agreed to have more children but he is now backing out of this decision because you fell pregnant so quickly?
If he didn't want another baby so quickly then he should have used some kind of protection, surely? It's not like you got yourself pregnant. :mad:

A lot of men don't particularly fancy their partner when they are pregnant, although most of them are kind enough to keep their mouth shut at the time. It sounds as though he is just making excuses, does he think that you can terminate this pregnancy but have another baby at a later stage? It's not like returning an unwanted sofa that you find is too big for your room, he's talking about his own child. I'm fervently pro-choice when it comes to abortion but it doesn't sound as though you feel that you have a choice if you listen to him.

Please, please talk over your options with someone but remember that you may end up caring for your children alone. In the grand scheme of things, that's not such a big deal, plenty of single parents do it successfully (including my mum!) and if you want your baby, and it sounds like you do, then you shouldn't let fear of the future stop you. You will be entitled to financial support from him, whether he wants another child or not, ultimately, he impregnated you, it's now time for him to face that fact.
His repugnant habits and sneaking around are irrelevant at this time, you need to make some decisions soon and that includes having him at the scan. If you don't want him there, don't take him. Making an appointment for a termination, without consulting you, is a nasty, controlling thing to do, it's not the action of a caring father and husband.

carefullycautious

Horrified by what some people have to put up with.

As for the photos :eek:

joeblack066

This is not a marriage. This is a nightmare, as is this man. Terminate the relationship, not your baby.

clearingout

sweetheart, you're going to be damned if you do and damned if you don't so you MUST make the decision that is right for you. There is no shame in being a single parent. I was TERRIFIED (underline that and put it in neon lights) when I realised I was pregnant about 2 weeks after my ex husband walked out. Couldn't see the wood for the trees. That little man is now 20 months old and is the light of mine and his big brothers' lives. We have all got on brilliantly. I did him my way and he's been an angel. He never stops singing, he's such a happy little soul. You would have no idea looking at him and us as a family what we went through when I was pregnant. I didn't want him, but I didn't want to get rid of him. In the end, the decision was mine because I knew my ex would either say 'see, she was never pregnant, it was all a big ruse to get me back 'if I terminated. or 'I never wanted him anyway, you got pregnant on purpose so I wouldn't leave' if I kept him.

It's a huge hill to climb and horribly, horribly lonely having to make that decision. But just make the decision you want - not a decision that MIGHT save your relationship because it might not. PM me if you need to chat.

ailuro2

Get over to the techie board and ask if a keystroke logger would work... and for goodness sake clear your history otherwise he'll be reading this and know you're getting wise to him.

I'm not a fan of spying as it normally leads to more heartache, but I think in your current position you need to know for sure whether your husband is "only" getting his bits out online or is seeing someone else ( do you know he's actually AT work 60 hours a week?)

Yes, people can have more trust issued when they are depressed, run down with having a new baby, hormonal from being pregnant etc, but your suspicions are down to thing s you have seen with your own eyes.

btw he's not exactly a catch if he's buying knickers on ebay, he could at least spring for something decent! Hope that made you grin a bit, you sound like you need a bit of cheering up - is there someone you could go get a hug from?

meritaten

I dont think you are paranoid - suspicious yes. and you have every reason to be! as another poster has suggested - get some tech savvy to dig around for you! buying knickers on ebay isnt something men do unless its
a - to get the OH to wear what turns them on (and he doesnt think pregnant women turn him on so he is NOT buying them for you)
b - cos HE wears them
c - he likes to er - commune with used knickers! in which case he is prob being conned (I saw a tv show with someone who sells knickers like this and she er - wipes her dogs bits with them and make sure that said dog leaves a few short and curlies!) she makes a fortune!
hun - are you SURE you want to raise a family with this Prince among men? I wouldnt - he sounds not only controlling but abusive mentally.

sjc3

lookingforsun wrote: »

I found about 25 photos, of my husband's genitals (in flaccid & hard states), on our camera, taken when i was in hospital. When I confronted him about them he said that he felt 'horny' and took them to send me. I've never felt happy with that answer, but everytime I bring it up, he keeps on saying he took them to send me (but never did). He then gets angry, calling me paranoid & accusing me of being nasty to him.

My husband does a voluntary job, one day a week. Two weeks ago, he came home & told me that a girl came in with her baby, in the 'best-looking' pushchair he'd ever seen. He then said that the canopy had broken & the girl's OH had tried to fix it, but not done a good job, so he spent an hour doing it, as he didn't want the baby to catch it's arms.

I was also so angry for him caring about this woman's baby - when he took me to the doctors to ask for an abortion on his way to work!

Last night he called me over & I saw a page on his computer, of knickers on ebay. He quickly closed it. I asked to look again & he refused, saying he couldn't find the page, and hadn't meant to click on it, he refused to look on the history to find it - this just makes me more suspicious.

There are other things, like him going on holiday to nudist beaches alone.

he's got fingerprint recognition on his computer & refuses to put my suspicions to an end, saying he's done nothing wrong, so why should he prove himself.

All of the above suggest to me that your husband is playing mind games with you. His behaviour must be leaving you in a state of constant worry and uncertainty. That is not how you should treat the one you love. It is cruel and controlling.

If my husband treated me like that he would not know what had hit him. Front him with it. Tell him straight that he either faces what he is doing and sorts it out or he can kiss you goodbye. You deserve so much better.

pupsicola

Hi OP, I have read through all the posts on this thread. I really feel for you hun. I was in a very similar relationship to yours a few years back.

I had huge suspicions about my then husband. If I ever questioned him I too was told I was paranoid. Very weird thing for an adult to say to another adult. We all have the capability for seeing things as they are and questioning them. An innocent person would reassure and talk through any worries not acuse someone of being paranoid and refuse to put their mind at rest.

Things really escalated whilst I was pregnant with our 2nd child.

Im not sure of how you feel about your relationship. Clearly you dont trust your husband (with good reason). You ask us if you are paranoid (which you are not hun). Do you realise just how abusive your husbands behaviour is? Please dont take this question the wrong way, I am honestly not trying to undermine you.

I had no idea how abusive my ex was being to me because his behaviour had undermined me so much that I couldn't see it. This did not happen by accident. You are worth so much more than living like this.