Trust issues; accused of being paranoid

lookingforsun

dizzyblonde82 wrote: »

Does your husband know that you have not had an abortion?

Yes. We have a dating scan booked for this week. The GP arranged this to give me more time to decide, also as I don't know how far along I am.

He wants to come with me, I wish he wouldn't. I will be emotional (I know I will), whereas he will not care.

I think if I have an abortion, he should have a vasectomy. This could be my last chance to have a kid, and if he takes it away, then meets a younger woman and she wants kids that would be unfair. If he doesn't want more, then he should be the one to make the sacrifice.

lookingforsun

Torry_Quine wrote: »

You really need to talk to someone about whether or not you want to have an abortion or continue with the pregnancy. This is a huge decision with ramifications whatever you decide.

/QUOTE]

Thank you. I know what I want, it's just too difficult to tell the other person it affects.

(had to delete the link in the quote as it wouldn't let me post)

Emmzi

lookingforsun wrote: »

I think if I have an abortion, he should have a vasectomy. This could be my last chance to have a kid, and if he takes it away, then meets a younger woman and she wants kids that would be unfair. If he doesn't want more, then he should be the one to make the sacrifice.

Do you know how mad that sounds?

You decide for YOU. Not based on potential future scenarios and bitter twisted resentment.

pigpen

the only termination I'd be wanting in your shoes is him terminating!

Plans_all_plans

I think you are very confused: you should arrange to speak to a counsellor before you decide. If you want this baby, don't let him pressurise you into not having it, whatever reasons he gives you. Also, I'd be very wary of a man who would pressurise you to make such a big decision when you are clearly not sure: you are the one who will have to deal with the aftermath of a termination, not him.

Torry_Quine

lookingforsun wrote: »

Torry_Quine wrote: »

You really need to talk to someone about whether or not you want to have an abortion or continue with the pregnancy. This is a huge decision with ramifications whatever you decide.

/QUOTE]

Thank you. I know what I want, it's just too difficult to tell the other person it affects.

(had to delete the link in the quote as it wouldn't let me post)

That is why you need to talk to someone outwith the situation. They can help you through the whole process of telling him for instance and support you through the pregnancy if you go ahead.

It wouldn't let you post as you're a new member.

BitterAndTwisted

lookingforsun wrote: »

He wants to come with me, I wish he wouldn't. I will be emotional (I know I will), whereas he will not care.

HE WILL NOT CARE? Do you have any idea of how painfully sad that is to read, never mind experience it? It made me cry and I'm not you.

pigpen

lookingforsun wrote: »

I haven't had an abortion - he made the appointment & took me, but waited outside... I haven't arranged one, so I guess it'll be more understandable now if he leaves me, as I'm going against his wishes

Going against his wishes is one thing but could you live with going against your own?

Your feelings are important here it isn't all about him.

What do YOU want to do?

You will cope with whatever the future throws at you.. with or without him.

It sounds to me like you are desperately trying to cling to a relationship he doesn't want to be in. Please don't sacrifice yourself and your beliefs and feelings for the sake of someone who doesn't put you first.

Think very very carefully before doing anything you may regret.

I too have a dating scan this week no idea when I conceived either, my OH really wants a termination but my GP refused for various reasons. TBH I don't know if I could have gone ahead with it. He isn't making my life miserable or trying to undermine my self esteem or saying he doesn't find me attractive when pregnant (he didn't need to it was obvious) or behaving in a vulgar manner. He keeps having a sulk and a strop but he'll be ok.. If someone, anyone, tried making me choose between them and my baby that I really wanted there would be no contest, the baby would come first no questions asked.

Redman30

lookingforsun wrote: »

He hates that I gained weight with DD, and admits he doesn't fancy pregnant women

But it's not about a pregnant woman. It's about a pregnant you, his partner. The fact that you're carrying his child should be a positive thing, not a reason for him to say he doesn't fancy you.

This doesn't sound like a fantastically healthy relationship, I'm afraid.

lookingforsun

pigpen wrote: »

Going against his wishes is one thing but could you live with going against your own?

Your feelings are important here it isn't all about him.

What do YOU want to do?

You will cope with whatever the future throws at you.. with or without him.

It sounds to me like you are desperately trying to cling to a relationship he doesn't want to be in. Please don't sacrifice yourself and your beliefs and feelings for the sake of someone who doesn't put you first.

Think very very carefully before doing anything you may regret.

I too have a dating scan this week no idea when I conceived either, my OH really wants a termination but my GP refused for various reasons. TBH I don't know if I could have gone ahead with it. He isn't making my life miserable or trying to undermine my self esteem or saying he doesn't find me attractive when pregnant (he didn't need to it was obvious) or behaving in a vulgar manner. He keeps having a sulk and a strop but he'll be ok.. If someone, anyone, tried making me choose between them and my baby that I really wanted there would be no contest, the baby would come first no questions asked.

Congratulations. Can't believe that men think it's so easy for us to feel detached to the child we are carrying. I'm sorry your OH makes you feel unattractive. I hope the scan goes OK & your OH comes round xx