Trust issues; accused of being paranoid

lookingforsun

pigpen wrote: »

If you know his ebay log in you can access the stuff he has looked at previously as it will be on his ebay homepage.. I think there last half dozen things you looked at are shown there.

He sounds a right class act I'd be watching his every move.. and you aren't being paranoid.. and sadly your suspicions are probably correct in one way or another.. he might find the other woman aractive and had genuine concern over the baby's safety.. you missed an opportunity though to say well if you want to get the same pushchair you'd not complain

I'd say it was his inappropriate sexualised behaviour and probable associations with other women and his battering your self esteem that was ruining your marriage.

Lol. The thing that upset me, is he was concerned for a baby's safety, yet that very morning took me to the doctor, as he wanted me to abort his own baby - I feel most woment wouldn't be happy if their husband's wanted to abort their babies, whilst, simultaneously, playing Mr Guy to another one

lookingforsun

pigpen wrote: »

no.. you log on ebay from a different computer.. log in to his ebay account and it will be there.. you don't even have to look at his personal pages.

I've logged in my account on Oh's lappy and everything I've looked at is logged on the homepage and I've seen what my mother has been lookin at when I've logged on to her account (shoes and fabric mainly).. and TBH.. who cares if he does know.. he has nothing to hide right?

He's changed his login, I used to know it, but haven't got a clue now.

I'm surprised that so many people think his fingerprint recognition (on the laptop) is so suspicious... I thought it was just me

dizzyblonde82

I agree with other posters that it is not you with a paranoia problem but your DH with a problem.

A couple of weeks ago my husband said that he had to go away with work for a night so that he could attend a meeting at their head office, things didn't add up to me and on the morning he left he texted me lots of messages which was unusual and said a lot of things that didn't match up. I went on his fb page and saw a post from one of his 'friends' which made me more suspicious and then tried to call him but his mobile was switched off. I then contacted his work and found out that there wasn't a meeting!!!!

I now now that it was not me being paranoid but my instinct was correct! My husband said that he just needed to get away from things for a couple of days and that nothing happened, I do believe him but I'm not sure that I will ever be able to get over it.

pigpen

lookingforsun wrote: »

Lol. The thing that upset me, is he was concerned for a baby's safety, yet that very morning took me to the doctor, as he wanted me to abort his own baby - I feel most woment wouldn't be happy if their husband's wanted to abort their babies, whilst, simultaneously, playing Mr Guy to another one

A baby you are not responsible for is very different to one you have for the rest of your life. That might be the one honest thing he has done..

I know OH would do something similar today given the option.

lookingforsun wrote: »

He's changed his login, I used to know it, but haven't got a clue now.

I'm surprised that so many people think his fingerprint recognition (on the laptop) is so suspicious... I thought it was just me

look up his member details and check his feedback.. see what he has bought recently

clearingout

My now ex-husband and I used the same computer at home. One day he didn't log off his hotmail account so when I opened it, it went straight to his inbox. I saw an e-mail from a hotel, opened it (wish I hadn't!) and it was a booking for 2. He denied it - said it was the hotel's mistake (he'd been tehre recently on 'business'). I believed him because I couldn't understand when he had the time for an affair. About 9 months later, he walked out on me and I was just pregnant with our third child at the time. It was a dreadful shock. He'd been at it with her (and I suspect others at the same time - only wish she knew lol!) for at least 2 years. He has never really admitted it.

I should never have ignored the obvious. I did because I was scared of the consequences. But the fact is, over 2 years later, I'm doing just fine. I won't deny it was hell for a while, but I am now in a far better place emotionally than I have ever been and I honestly look at him with nothing but disgust. Can't believe I lived with such a horrible person for so long!

You need to work out what you want. Instinct is rarely wrong. Take care xxxx

Tropez

I don't consider the fingerprint scanner on his laptop to be particularly odd. One of my laptops came with fingerprint scanner and another has facial recognition login as a security feature and neither are at the higher end of the laptop market, they're included as standard. I don't tend to use the facial recognition login feature simply because I can type my password in about a tenth of the time it takes the software to recognise me and log me in, but I do use the fingerprint scanner because it's just thumbprint and in. Nice and easy and nothing remotely iffy about it.

But let's get down to it - he's looking for knickers on eBay. That doesn't sound to me like he's looking to gift a pair of knickers to another woman. To be honest, it sounds more like he has some panty fetish and is looking for a pair of used ones.

Taking snaps of his member. Phenomenally common although there is usually some purpose to it. Once again though, it may not be an affair - some men and women post videos and pictures of themselves to the internet because they get off on the idea that other people will see it. It's like a safer form of exhibitionism, in a way. Although anger can often be a symptom of guilt, it can often be a symptom of embarrassment. Maybe he has some slightly odd kink that he's been expressing and doesn't want you to know? That obviously doesn't make it okay, particularly if you were uncomfortable with such a kink, but it may not be that he is having an affair.

I think you may be reading to much into the pram thing. Just because somebody doesn't want a baby/another baby doesn't mean that they are then void of any feelings of care and compassion for another. I don't ever want to have any children but it wouldn't prevent me doing something nice for a family if I was able to do it.

The abortion thing I'm not sure I get. You can't just be taken to ask for an abortion.

Buddingblonde

dizzyblonde82 wrote: »

I agree with other posters that it is not you with a paranoia problem but your DH with a problem.

A couple of weeks ago my husband said that he had to go away with work for a night so that he could attend a meeting at their head office, things didn't add up to me and on the morning he left he texted me lots of messages which was unusual and said a lot of things that didn't match up. I went on his fb page and saw a post from one of his 'friends' which made me more suspicious and then tried to call him but his mobile was switched off. I then contacted his work and found out that there wasn't a meeting!!!!

I now now that it was not me being paranoid but my instinct was correct! My husband said that he just needed to get away from things for a couple of days and that nothing happened, I do believe him but I'm not sure that I will ever be able to get over it.

What makes you believe him when he says nothing happened but you caught him out lying to you (whatever the reason).

Buddingblonde

Why do you think he wants an abortion? Do you think he is mentally trying to leave the relationship and needs to physically cut the ties too (eg one less child - one less connection to break)

dizzyblonde82

Buddingblonde wrote: »

What makes you believe him when he says nothing happened but you caught him out lying to you (whatever the reason).

I believe him because things were getting on top of him with work and he doesn't know how to talk through his issues, he had stopped taking his anti-depressants and thought the best thing for me and our son would be for him to leave as he doesn't think he is here for us enough due to him working 60+ hours a week.

BitterAndTwisted

In the big scheme of things the photos and the looking at panties could be discussed and perhaps resolved and forgiven. Nudist beaches alone should be ringing absolutely HUGE alarm-bells. I wouldn't ruddy-well stand for that, personally. He's a voyeur and an exhibitionist by the sounds of it and that's most probably why he's "he's never looked at me (the OP) in undies" unless I've got hold of the wrong end of the stick.

The being dropped off at the doctor's to ask for a termination would be the absolutely biggest deal-breaker, ever. I'd have popped back home to pack my things and be gone. There's been no mention of there having been a serious discussion about whether this would have been appropriate or agreed. Call me naive but in a marriage I cannot fathom how it could be, unless the couple had half a dozen kids already and no prospect of an earned income.

It's a sad truth in this life that when one partner accuses the other of being suspicious and paranoid there is nearly always a very compelling reason to be.