Grrr so annoyed with social services...

RacyRed

annibee wrote: »

Have some social workers replied then?

Its not that SS will have not "bothered" as you so professionally put it its that there isn't a system - perhaps if you care to read back to my post re contactpoint that might explain a little to you although maybe I didn't word it simple enough to people who are unfamiliar of the processes so sorry about that.

and as for your "we hate SS" attitude.....it seems sad that you have such a negative view on a service that saves lives of children and protects them...makes me worried that you are the type of person who thinks the world would be better without them *shudders*

I'm not saying all Social Workers are great because that's not the issue and there are some that quite frankly shouldn't be in their jobs....just like with any profession however what I did was give the op some useful information on why the SW went about things the way they did.

Perhaps it would be more useful to offer constructive support rather than attacking SW's due to a bad experience you clearly have had with them? Unless of course you really do think the world is better without SS?

I don't hate all social workers, just those that have an unprofessional approach to their work. I agree that there are good and bad ones.

I did understand your post. The lack of a system does not excuse inadequate research being done before action is taken, there are phones and computers available these days. Not to mention common sense.

There is no constructive support I can offer teabag, she has tried to do the right thing and it has back-fired on her. All I can do is sympathise and support her arguments.

I have become infuriated on teabag's behalf because many of the pro social worker posts on this thread demonstrate a lack of understanding of the facts contained in teabag's opening and subsequent posts.

Does it not worry you that people posting in a manner that implies they have some knowledge of social work, appear to be unable to analyse a few facts in a short post? Commenting on that realisation doesn't make me negative or anti social workers. The realisation has made me very, very worried. Worried enough to take the time to post on here and express my concerns as clearly as I can.

I would welcome a social worker's considered analysis of the situation outlined by teabag. Perhaps if a social worker reads and understands what has actually been posted by teabag, we might get a proper insight into the situation?

Fingers crossed.

ETA. pupsicola was posting just such a response as I wrote the above. Thank you pupsicola.

annibee

RacyRed wrote: »

I don't hate all social workers, just those that have an unprofessional approach to their work. I agree that there are good and bad ones.

I did understand your post. The lack of a system does not excuse inadequate research being done before action is taken, there are phones and computers available these days. Not to mention common sense.

There is no constructive support I can offer teabag, she has tried to do the right thing and it has back-fired on her. All I can do is sympathise and support her arguments.

I have become infuriated on teabag's behalf because many of the pro social worker posts on this thread demonstrate a lack of understanding of the facts contained in teabag's opening and subsequent posts.

Does it not worry you that people posting in a manner that implies they have some knowledge of social work, appear to be unable to analyse a few facts in a short post? Commenting on that realisation doesn't make me negative or anti social workers. The realisation has made me very, very worried. Worried enough to take the time to post on here and express my concerns as clearly as I can.

I would welcome a social worker's considered analysis of the situation outlined by teabag. Perhaps if a social worker reads and understands what has actually been posted by teabag, we might get a proper insight into the situation?

Fingers crossed.

I understand but what I was simply saying that the reason they wouldn't have her childs details is that there isn't a system....there was but it was took away at a risk to children (imho) so unless she had given them all the details of where the incidents happen they wouldn't know where to look. I know to an outsider it must seem like such a simple solution - you get a call about a child - you find out if theyve ever been involved in SS - but honestly since they took CP away it really is near impossible. Even if you move from one london borough to another the systems are different and therefore you can only see incidents that have happened in that borough if that makes sense? CP was taking this problem away by having one universal system so if an incident was reported in say scotland then they moved to london the SW in london could type the childs unique number in and see if any contact had been made anywhere and it would show the incident of Scotland.....I hope that makes sense albeit a bit rambly. However CP came into practice and was scrapped as the new government found it too costly - a decision I feel was wrong but I'm not in the government so its nothing to do with me

Also you don't actually need to be a Social Worker to have insight or in depth knowledge of their protocols which is why I was trying to offer the op some useful information on why things have gone the way they did - as someone who does have this sort of information.

It doesn't worry me that some people have not analysed the op's post in a certain way because this is an internet forum for money saving and therefore not the best place to source out a large collection of Social Workers or people working within Children's Services. So no it doesnt worry me - what does worry me is people incinuating that Social services are in the wrong for doing something that is protocol - the procedures SS follow have been created for a reason and although their is a very negative opinion of SS's and the way they work they work that way for a reason.....If the SS had done something actually wrong or against protocol then that would be a just comment iyswim?

Perhaps it would ease your mind that if Social workers are found to have an unprofessional approach to their work (in this instance there hasn't been one) then they will and do get found out - they are under intense scrutiny daily and have audits taking place all the time to ensure that the Child's best interests are taken care of according to law and procedures.....sometimes I will agree this isn't the way a parent would like people to approach the issue at hand however that is the way that has been determined as the best course of action for a child.

I can of course see the op's frustration and worry about it bringing up difficult memories for her children and also I too would be worried about the newborn - like I said earlier the op has done the right thing in letting SS know.

teabag29

What I am annoyed about is that when he broke daughters arm and I had ss involved for a while, before they ended involvement with my family I asked them what should i do regarding future contact if he gets in touch. I explained i didnt want dd to ever see him again but they said he is still her dad and has rights and that I should take it slowly when I feel the time is right (i.e. when dd is older and wanting contact and he is regularly asking to see her). They said I should start with indirect contact such as pics gradually picked up to phone calls and if all is going well eventually contact but it must be supervised.

This has been very hard for me as I feel I have had to choose between my 2 dd's. On the 1 hand I feel as though if I didnt allow dd to get to know her dad i'd be denying her the chance of knowing him and on the other hand I felt as though if i did let her get to know him and make her own opinion on him then i'd be betraying my other dd by letting her abuser back into our lives, even though he wouldnt be in our lives so to speak.

After all these years and him contacting me regularly expressing interest in seeing her and also paying child support I spoke to my dd about him and she was eager to know about him. So therefore I did as social services had suggested in the first place and followed their advice to the letter.

Turns out he didnt seem that interested in her when he did finally have contact back in October last year and since that point whenever he contacts me I give him the same answer, contact a solicitor and take it to court etc.

I only rang ss to inform them that he is living with a child and the mother possibly doesnt know about his status. I rang for advice and I also explained about my situation. I have done everything the way they told me to and now it very much feels like they have turned the finger of suspicion onto me.

I live 2 hours away from my ex and neither of us drive. I am happily married. He has openly admitted there has only been 1 direct contact with our dd supervised by myself and my husband and in a public place he has also admitted to ss that i will not let him see dd and have advised him to get a solicitor so my question is why on earth have they got concerns about my children?

Also as an earlier poster picked up on my eldest daughter who suffered the broken arm has been through a terrible ordeal which she is still getting treatment for and now faces being questioned by ss about this man and raking up a whole lot of bad memories for her which she shouldnt have to go through.

pigpen

Is he the father of both girls?

In your first post you say he isn't father to the older one that had her arm broken? If this is the case he isn't her father he has no right to see her at all.

In 2005 he broke my 7 yr old daughters arm (she is not his child).

I'm confused sorry..

annibee

teabag29 wrote: »

1)What I am annoyed about is that when he broke daughters arm and I had ss involved for a while, before they ended involvement with my family I asked them what should i do regarding future contact if he gets in touch. I explained i didnt want dd to ever see him again but they said he is still her dad and has rights and that I should take it slowly when I feel the time is right (i.e. when dd is older and wanting contact and he is regularly asking to see her). They said I should start with indirect contact such as pics gradually picked up to phone calls and if all is going well eventually contact but it must be supervised.

2)This has been very hard for me as I feel I have had to choose between my 2 dd's. On the 1 hand I feel as though if I didnt allow dd to get to know her dad i'd be denying her the chance of knowing him and on the other hand I felt as though if i did let her get to know him and make her own opinion on him then i'd be betraying my other dd by letting her abuser back into our lives, even though he wouldnt be in our lives so to speak.

3)After all these years and him contacting me regularly expressing interest in seeing her and also paying child support I spoke to my dd about him and she was eager to know about him. So therefore I did as social services had suggested in the first place and followed their advice to the letter.

4)Turns out he didnt seem that interested in her when he did finally have contact back in October last year and since that point whenever he contacts me I give him the same answer, contact a solicitor and take it to court etc.

5)I only rang ss to inform them that he is living with a child and the mother possibly doesnt know about his status. I rang for advice and I also explained about my situation. I have done everything the way they told me to and now it very much feels like they have turned the finger of suspicion onto me.

6)I live 2 hours away from my ex and neither of us drive. I am happily married. He has openly admitted there has only been 1 direct contact with our dd supervised by myself and my husband and in a public place he has also admitted to ss that i will not let him see dd and have advised him to get a solicitor so my question is why on earth have they got concerns about my children?

7)Also as an earlier poster picked up on my eldest daughter who suffered the broken arm has been through a terrible ordeal which she is still getting treatment for and now faces being questioned by ss about this man and raking up a whole lot of bad memories for her which she shouldnt have to go through.

Hello,

Ive numbered your paragraphs so I can reply and see where Im up to lol

1) SS seem to have not supported you with this situation very well...is that right and what your saying has annoyed you is their lack of support? Without knowing the full details (and i dont mean I want you to post them on here lol) I cant really say why they may or may not have gone about things the way they did but quite frankly from your post it seems all you wanted was advice and support which they didnt give. Mediation is where you would get better support as some SW wont go out of their day to day duties.
I think you need support - but not from SS - although your right in asking their advice because of the situation....hmm i dont know if im making sense now lol

2)I can only offer a virtual hug and say its an awful situation to be in and I completely understand your dilemma (for want of a better word). Whatever you decide will be the right decision an maybe support your children to know their father and then they can make their own desicions about him as they get older (sorry cant remember if you said how old they are). As the resident parent you do get rights which mean you can decide contact and supervised is definitely better can you speak to DD1 about it? explain that he wants contact and its up to her if she wants it to but that DD2 does want it? - have I understood that right - DD2 wants contact but DD1 doesnt?

3/4) - Does it have to go through court? could you try another supervised visit perhaps? at least if it doesnt go through court you get to decide the rules and regulate the contact visits - although I appreciate supervised is hard for you anyway (its a bit awkward etc) but Im sure its better you going with DD than leaving him alone with her and worrying yourself...

5/6) you did the right thing no doubt about that - you were concerned about the welfare of a child and so you followed the right path. Its unfortunate that they have had to follow things up on your side in a bit of a sudden way but its just the way they have to do stuff for the childrens safety - if you look at it as a flipside what if you had made the desicion to leave your ex because of the violent behaviour.....then however many years down the line you have a new husband and decide you want a family with him....you suddenly want time alone with him and therefore contact the ex to have more contact with the children thus putting them at risk = this isnt you just a flipside of what could have happened and why SS have to investigate such things.
When you moved the children away from their abuser (your ex) you were showing good parenting decisions which meant SS felt safe to let you get on with things and do what your doing without much input basically they trusted your judgement (and rightly so) now youve mentioned the contact their just checking your still making good decisions iyswim. They will see that your just doing what you feel best and leave you to it id imagine but its better to be safe than sorry with kids.

7)Again all I can say is you just have to be there to support her - this is inevitable they will talk to her and it may bring up bad memories....unfortunately you cannot erase memories and as a mother's we want to protect our children from that hurt but sometimes we just have to be there for cuddles when their upset.

Hope that makes sense of why SS are getting involved on your side and hope that also re-enforces that what you have done is the right thing Im gonna pm you a useful contact number thats not SS but can give good advice - and this is just from personal recent experiences that I have found them to be so helpful and they may help you I dont wanna promote things on here though as Im not sure of the rules but I honestly do feel for your situation x

teabag29

He is not the father of my eldest girl who's arm he broke but he is the father to her sister, my younger girl. He has not seen the eldest girl since he attacked her but has seen his daughter on 1 contact last October

RAS

annibee wrote: »

7)Again all I can say is you just have to be there to support her - this is inevitable they will talk to her and it may bring up bad memories....unfortunately you cannot erase memories and as a mother's we want to protect our children from that hurt but sometimes we just have to be there for cuddles when their upset.

Actually, you can erase the emotions attached to memories, completely, but it is not generally a good idea.

One practitioner I worked with started by erasing the bad memories of abused women, only to find them keen return to their ex-partners. So she began to erase the emotions attached to both the worst and best memories in the relationship, neutralising their feelings about their ex.

gizmo111

RacyRed wrote: »

In her OP teabag clearly stated that the recent contact was between her YOUNGER daughter (her ex's bilogical child) not her older daughter, who was the abused child.



Sorry gizmo, I'm not meaning to single you out but your post typifies exactly what concerns me and others like me about the way social services function these days.

In what way?

It is blatantly obvious that the case workers in this instance have not taken the trouble to read the case history before visiting teabag.

Whether they have read the old files or not they still have a duty to investigate a childs contact with a sch 1 offender - which is what they are doing.

The contact was not between the abused child and her abuser, it was between a father and his (non abused) biological child. Case notes would have recorded the advice given to teabag about contact between father and biological daughter at the time.

And they will talk to the childern to verify this. I advise people all day long doesn't mean they act on it or are ever likely to, most of them just want ot get rid of the SW and say what they think we want to hear.

The older daughter, the victim of the abuse, has had no contact with her abuser and is now settled, after having been through a horrendous experience. Teabag is married and the only contact with the offender has been because he is the father of the younger daughter and teabag followed the suggetions given to her by SS at that time.

I fully agree that any "at risk" child should be spoken to, to see if any insight can be gained, but in this instance that would seem a very detrimental thing to the emotional well-being of the child concerned. Surely the home visit would have been enough to establish that she is no longer at risk as the child has not had contact with her abuser?

The child needs to verify this. No doubt the child was aware that her half sister had contact with this man and her emotional well-being was considered then, but it still went ahead so must have been OK?

I agree with teabag's concerns that her oldest daughter may be badly emotionally stressed by this. If there were good reason, then it would be a risk worth taking. But is there really good reason? Or is this poor child about to have horrible memories resurected simply because no-one in SS has bothered to read her file properly?

As above.

In the same way that many of the social workers replying to teabag do not appear to have bothered to PROPERLY read her original post?

That worries me a lot.

Her post has been read and a quick reply given - I wasn't aware that I had analyse every post and critically reflect before composing a reply about basic procedures and protocol.

puddy

this is a standard investigation into the childs needs, not teabags parenting or decision making per se. they have a duty to do this. they clearly were not the borough or county who dealt with the abuse originally and attention has been drawn to a child in their area whose father is a sch 1 and who had contact with him last october (the younger one). they will want to speak to the children, this is part of their investigation.

teabag29

They said that they weren't allowed to close the case until they spoke to the children and it would only be open questions to check they are happy at home and school, they didnt say anything about mentioning my ex in any questions just that it would be yes no answer questions. I dont know why I worry about things so much when theres no need, I have nothing to hide its just I feel ss told me how to approach the whole contact thing, I did as they said and now they are looking into me when it was them who told me to do it the way I have. They didnt say when it comes round and you follow our advice we will ofcourse send our social workers round to investigate. And now they see theres no risk and ive done things right I can see my case being put at the bottom of a pile of non urgents and this dragging out for months.